»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
Windchimes
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
Windchimes |
|
|
Beasley Senior Member
since 2003-11-28
Posts 682Cheboygan,MI USA |
Windchimes The tinkling of the chimes Born from the soft, cool breeze Brings memories back to me Of majestic, bowing trees. The night was summer warm, Yet, soothed by a breath of wind. The only storm that brewed Was the one I held within. Gently he advised And dismissed my state of woe. No longer is here; He left so long ago. Still he speaks to me With silent words I know Like the pealing of a bell Touched by a flake of snow. Barb Gedman |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Barbara Gedman - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Astro Member
since 2003-01-08
Posts 69Ca. |
I like your use of nature to convey deeper meaning. At the onset, you clue the reader that something is amiss. The "tinkling" sound should be "born", grammatically speaking, from the chime itself. Sound does not originate from wind. Since you credit the wind with the birth of sound, you empower the wind. In this context, even the "majestic" trees seem like a hoax. After all, they are "bowing" to the wind, who is more subtle, yet more powerful. So, you present these topics of power-play -- of domination and submission, right from the start. The last stanza repeats these topics. A bell wouldn't normally "peal" from a single snowflake. Your use of imagery makes it clear that the snowflake has the power. This is like the relationship, in stanzas two and three, where the lover "gently" advised, yet caused a maelstrom of emotion. Hence, "he" is the wind and the snowflake, while the speaker is the windchime, trees, and bell. "He" is the one in power and "you" (assuming you're the speaker) are in submission. I would advise adding a syllable to stanza three, line three, to help with the meter. It would sound more flowing if it read, "No longer is HE here", or some such addition. The only reason I could see for leaving out that extra syllable would be to purposely fragment the meter. This would reflect the inner turmoil of the speaker and this may have been why you did it. Hope that was helpful! Sight is an always awful beginning |
||
|
Beasley Senior Member
since 2003-11-28
Posts 682Cheboygan,MI USA |
Thank you, Astro for taking your time to read and comment. Leaving the "He" out was actually a typo. I had written that years ago when I was in school. Thank again, Barb |
||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Barb~ I felt this had strength clothed in delicacy~ Very enjoyable read~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
||
|
Beasley Senior Member
since 2003-11-28
Posts 682Cheboygan,MI USA |
Dear Marge, Thank you. That is encouraging. I am reading more and more of your writing and find it most delightful.Barb |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
