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Critical Analysis #2
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Excruciate
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Excruciate |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
I told you not to look. sleep unto a world of dark and utter dispair lives unfolded on a page of crumbs and ink of tears fold these passions tear these lines grim saught discussion in brown and yellow lies yet hope amidst fake water resounds resound this voice fear released for but a moment still dying, still crying still seeking releaf of anguish bleed into the pain blame this shame upon those creatures black cold heartless murderers follow not the haunting voices sink beneath the shadows and remember this no more --------------------------- i wrote this when i was extremely tired and edited it the next day when i was more awake. for some reason i don't like it. my own poem i don't like. oh well...just thought i would post it here before i deleted it. Love hurts as bad as it feels good. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Bonnie Sue Bixler - All Rights Reserved | |||
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tecoyah Member
since 2003-11-16
Posts 83NY |
Dont delete it....it has its merits but, more importantly it is art. |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
okay...i guess i was just upset with my writing because i feel like it's not good enough sometimes. i want to get better. i want to pull myself above the "amature" status that I am at right now. thank you for reading it anyway. - River Love hurts as bad as it feels good. |
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Katy Rose Junior Member
since 2003-11-25
Posts 13 |
Hi, at first I wasn't sure whether or not the run-on structure of your poem wasn't maybe a distraction from what the poem is actually saying. I still have reservations but in reading to the end of the poem i think parts of the structure (esp the string of one word lines) are actually quite stark and bold. |
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