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Critical Analysis #2
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warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563


0 posted 2003-08-25 01:08 PM


After she saw them together,
a minute could have been an hour;
stumbling through the air,
she reached her destination;
his doorknob turned, the door opened.
A mind seemed empty of thought,
the body reacted with subconscious impulses;
(how convenient they were there),
when twilight started creeping in,
reality, feeling came crashing back,
anxiety, then stark fear rose above the twilight,
the night would try to take her;
with aid, she staved off the darkness,
saw the glorious sunrise.



"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu


[This message has been edited by warmhrt (08-25-2003 08:31 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved
MsSouthernOrchid
Member
since 2003-07-12
Posts 192

1 posted 2003-08-25 01:34 PM


Another good one. I can relate, " time no longer existed." I like it.
RomanticPoet
Junior Member
since 2003-08-25
Posts 34
Florida USA
2 posted 2003-08-26 01:17 AM


Interesting Poem; good flow throughout the work........

American & Poet by God's Grace, Patriot & Veteran by Choice!!!!!!!

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
3 posted 2003-08-26 10:05 AM


As usual, Kris, you have unfolded an interesting tale. It reads easily and flows nicely as it unveils its darker side. It does seem a little wordy or maybe prosey. I think it could work better if you trimmed a few words here and there but I won't try to suggest where since you are much better at that than I am anyway.

Thanks,
Pete

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

4 posted 2003-08-26 12:31 PM


Thank you all for reading and for your kind comments.

Pete....I'm really not sure what I could trim without losing some of the essential parts of the poem. I do thank you for your suggestion, and will continue to look into the possibility of trimming it down a bit.

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

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