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Critical Analysis #2
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my pen
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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my pen |
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Tequilia_Sunrise Senior Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 612Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada 
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The gifts of the heart The sound in the silence The view of the blind The home of the mind The last strains of sanity Expression of the inexpressable and The ink of my soul All these thoughts lie within My gifted black ink pen. .... or are they mine? |
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| © Copyright 2003 Amanda Seymour - All Rights Reserved | |||
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Its good, theres not a chance I could give a constructive critique for it though. The end seemed almost like a begining for a much longer poem, but that interpretation would be more for the reader to decide. Nice work. GIS a trickle of music from a well |
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rose Member
since 2003-08-02
Posts 53 |
i liked this poem, but it almost seemed too blatant. what i mean is that it has a great list of metaphors and then ends with a blunt statement. not that this is a bad thing, i just prefer a more subtle approach. but it really is quite a lovely simple poem for what it is. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
This i like..and the are they mine, sometimes it feels like its something external feeding us words no? |
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RomanticPoet Junior Member
since 2003-08-25
Posts 34Florida USA |
Awesome work; I like the twist ending, leaves your mind working, my poem "Dark Journey" in Dark Poetry has a rather humorous twist for an ending. We Feel,We Write,We learn; We Write More |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I really like the turn at the end. On rare occasions, I have written something I thought was pretty good. Then I always have to wonder, were the words really mine. Nice job here. Short and to the point with nothing extra. And a valid point it is too. I like it just as is. Thanks, Pete |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi, I liked the poem a lot up until "gifted black ink pen". I think by saying that, you are, in turn, calling yourself gifted....after all, it IS your pen. I think you should take the humble road, and eliminate that word. You would then have a very well written poem. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
quote: With all due respect, I didn’t take it that way. Because the poet recognizes that it is indeed a gift, doesn’t necessarily imply smugness over possessing such a gift. That’s where the last line ties it together—when she looks back questioning whether it springs forth from that pen or from somewhere within herself. I was left with the impression that she hadn’t determined the true source of that inspiration. All this to say—I don’t see a need to change that part of the poem. [This message has been edited by cynicsRus (08-26-2003 04:07 PM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Tequila, a lovely poem. You've had a lot of good input above. What I like about the poem is the fact that you take nothing for granted, whether the poetry comes by other means through the "gifted black pen" or the gift of a muse - you leave those questions open to interpretation - another quality I like in poetry. I sense that you view poetry as I do, that it is indeed a gift, and sometimes because of it's very nature, we feel that we, ourselves, could not have possibly come up with the words to create the verse if we were made to do so again. Therein lies the gift. I enjoyed this very much. I hope you look for an outlet to publish this - I would like to think it would be snapped up quickly! [This message has been edited by Sunshine (08-26-2003 04:15 PM).] |
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Tequilia_Sunrise Senior Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 612Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada |
green_itchy_stuff- you are right the end is the beging to many more thoughts, and this is somthing i have been working with, but also i wrote this not just for myslef but for every poet out there and to try and make them think  rose- i did think this was subtle but i guess you didnt think so but i understand this is only your opion and i thank you for that. Aenimal- you lol thankx for all the help. and yes it does feel like that alot. RomanticPoet- im glad you enjoyed this and i did read your work, good job and Welcome to passions! Not A Poet- Im glad you enjoyed this, thankx or the nice response. warmhrt - well honestly i considerd that, i thought maybe thats how people would take it but that was not what i was feeling. poetry is a gift it self i do not belive i am a great writer actualy i dont consider my self to be a writer but poetry is the way i have learned to express me self and no longer holding all of my feelings inside that is the best gift of all cynicsRus- thank you im glad you enjoyed this and you are welcome to give me your input with any of my work, i enjoy hearing your point of view. Sunshine- well you put a smile on my face such a great response from such a great writer i have read your work and do share in your feelings.THANK-YOU Tequilia [This message has been edited by Tequilia_Sunrise (08-26-2003 04:49 PM).] |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hello again, I just wanted to make myself a bit clearer on the "gifted" pen issue. This is not the age of Shakespeare, when muses supposedly made poetry flow. We know now where poetry comes from, how the process of creativity works, in reference to: "I was left with the impression that she hadn’t determined the true source of that inspiration." Of course, our minds are inspired by certain things, but it is our minds that do the creating. I had written a sonnet a couple of years ago on this subject, and will post it. Again, I loved the rest of the poem.... Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
quote: This, of course, is a matter for further debate. For, some would say creativity springs forth from a higher source than simply mortal mind. And, that was my earlier point. She left that question open for the reader to ponder. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
"For, some would say creativity springs forth from a higher source than simply mortal mind." Oh, come on, now. Be serious. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
That's your defense? "Be serious”? I Am quite serious. I never said you weren’t free to believe what you choose to believe. You surely must have guessed, however that not everyone would agree with your premise. I can't help thinking that the height, (or nadir, if you will) of smugness is believing that everything good and creative that we possess springs forth from within ourselves. It’s also narcissistic I choose not to believe the world revolves around me. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Come on now Sid. You've tried to extrapolate that too far. If I somehow manage to create something worthwhile then I damn well intend to take credit for it to help balance all the crap I might have created that I had to accept the blame for. I don't think for a minute that is the same as or even related to "believing the world revolves around me."  |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
You’re right, Pete, I’ve beat this dead horse over and over—and he still doesn’t seem to want to get up and walk! Maybe he's just bored. I’ll try a carrot… If you feel pride in what you’ve accomplished, poetically, because you’re cognizant of just how far you’ve come as a writer, I have no problem with that at all. you should feel that sense of pride. I implied as much in the 7th post of this thread. I take that sort of pride in my latest works as well. In looking back at my earliest attempts, I also have to say, I wrote a whole lot of crap! It’s hard to believe I actually thought I was pretty good. I just happen to feel the need to balance it out, with my belief that it's not all coming from me. But, this is a personal matter. My latest argument, was simply my mind going off and questioning a new premise. Just trying to clarify a new question, I guess. But, since the horse just seems to get “deader and deader” the more I beat him, I’ll just end with: Thanks for an interesting debate. [email protected] [This message has been edited by cynicsRus (08-29-2003 12:04 AM).] |
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