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Critical Analysis #2

Drink and Drive

David Carrson
Junior Member

since 2003-06-23

Posts 25
Carrickfergus N. Ireland

0 posted 2003-06-29 04:35 PM

No Limit

He came around the corner at a moderate rate of knots
causing hurt to others was never in his thoughts.
His wife beside him laughing, his kids safe in the rear,
hardly touching forty though the road ahead was clear.
His life till then was happy, sure he'd made the odd mistake,
But the child that ran in front of him left him little time to brake
The squealing tyres, the cold dull thud, then the quiet that hurt his ears,
the seconds passed to others but to him they seemed like years.
His wife she stared out blankly at the limp form on the ground,
he couldn't move nor couldn't speak as the small crowd gathered round.
The ambulance came with lightning speed, but left with no great haste,
and whilst talking to the Policeman his last drink he still could taste.
That lovely meal with ones he loved, a Birthday party treat,
a little wine to wash it down, but still steady on his feet.

The funeral past, he sent some flowers, sincere in all his sorrow,
but the guilt he felt inside his heart would still be the tomorrow.
The court date came, "an accident", no blame was placed on him,
For when he'd gave his sample, the limit he was within.
But lying there awake each night the thought pounded in his head,
if he hadn't drank at all that night would that little girl be dead?

He'll never know for time wont give a second chance to mend,
the things he'd done to bring her life so swiftly to an end.

Mad_Hatter
Member

since 2003-06-29

Posts 393
Canada

1 posted 2003-06-29 07:59 PM

Wow that poem is really moving. There is the odd spelling mistake, but that is easily fixed. Also in some places you may just want to go and rework the flow. As it is the flow is a bit choppy in portions, perhaps even a little bit forced. With a bit of revission this poem will be perfect. I truly enjoyed it, so very touching. Hope to see more.

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