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Critical Analysis #2
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Just Forget.
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Just Forget. |
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BeautifulMistake New Member
since 2003-05-28
Posts 5Ontario, Canada |
Just Forget Forget his name, forget his face Forget his kiss, and warm embrace Forget the love you once knew, Remember there’s always somebody new Forget the fun you once shared Forget that he once cared Forget the times you spent together Remember how he’s gone forever Forget the times they played your song Forget that time you cried all night long Forget how close you two once were Remember he belongs to her Forget the way you memorized his walk Forget the way he used to talk Forget the things he used to say Remember he will never come back to stay Forget his gentle, pleasing way Forget you won’t see him today Forget the things he used to do Remember that he once loved you Forget the excitement when he walked by Forget the sweetness that made you want to cry Forget the way he said your name Remember now, things won’t be the same Forget that he was your love Forget that you need help from above Forget the things that made you wait Remember love has turned to hate |
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| © Copyright 2003 Melissa Ringrose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to Passions, Melissa! I'm not a regular in CA...so I'll let the folks who ARE come in and critique your work. I just like to come in and browse around now and then... Hope you enjoy your time among the blue halls and walls of Passions. We're quite the group...we're simply everywhere! Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen? |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Dear BeautifulMistake, This sounds like a VERY personal piece of writing that was perhaps done to really express your intimate feelings, almost like a part of a journal. You did very well expressing the emotion, and I won't go further into critiquing such a heartfelt effort. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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BeautifulMistake New Member
since 2003-05-28
Posts 5Ontario, Canada |
Thank you. : ) |
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Cytten Junior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 16Canada |
wow it seams like what I'm going through with my ex I dont want to forget but he is with some one else. I didn't think that other people could feal the paid that I am. he is the one that I wrote A Friend in Mike to. I really was Impressed abought how you got this down so freeley it seams that all my poetry is forced like I need to get the fealings out but don't want too. And when it does it sounds forced and not complete. keep writing your betting Shakespear by alot. |
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
Wow, this is a very powerful poem...and excellent for your first post! Welcome (I'm new too, as of 6/17) and I look forward to reading more from you. I really love how you continue the pattern of 3 Forgets followed by 1 Remember, throughout the poem. My only critique is that the meter is not consistent, which throws off the reader. If you work on the meter, this will be an even more powerful piece. I don't know how familiar you are with poetry, but if you read a poem outloud, you will see where the meter or "flow" is off a little bit. Good job, and hope to see you around!  Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
Agree with Ladybug about the meter. I feel it needs to be a bit more consistent. But, the emotion held my attention in this one, and I'm glad you shared it. Sid |
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Always Lisa Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 133 |
Your meter seemed to be working well... That is until I got to line 3 and then a hiccup. Then another in line 4 and from there the hiccups didn't stop. At times I held my breath hoping for the best but the best was not to be. I'm left wondering if those first 2 line were good meter usage by mistake? My guess is yes. Regards, Always Lisa |
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ladywrytr Junior Member
since 2003-06-23
Posts 10Southeastern MA |
Well done, captures the many aspects of loss when a relationship ends. I agree that the meter needs to be developed, but you got your point across quite well. Kim  |
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RavenesqueAwakened New Member
since 2009-04-29
Posts 1California, USA |
Just forget you promised more Just forget my open door Just forget the endless adventure Just forget our untaken pictures Remember: lies to yourself are scripture Just forget my broken heart Just forget my verbal art Just forget each tender moment Just forget all that you've stolen Remember: this is the web you've woven Just forget my endless affection Just forget our eternal connection Just forget you almost had it Just forget this, it's too tragic Remember: I'll never forgive you. |
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