Critical Analysis #2 |
I Am A Shadow Dancer |
Zaynab Member
since 2003-05-04
Posts 59Kuwait |
I Am A Shadow Dancer I am a shadow dancer A block of life tossed aside Forgotten within the collective minds of those whose social boundaries reach invisible peaks My achievements My successes My accomplishments They know none of these My failures they mock My losses are their wins For every step I fall they climb another They don't understand my desperation To be one of them Of the gang Not to be pushed aside for my own gifts To move out of the shadows Into the light Kill me tonight and I will love again Leave me to live and I live in pain Leave me no love and I live in vain Kill me tonight and kill the pain [This message has been edited by Zaynab (05-04-2003 10:56 AM).] |
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© Copyright 2003 Zaynab Al Nasser - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Well this certainly addresses a universal human experience -- feeling one is on the outside looking in -- sometimes a bit overdone in poetry but always worthy nevertheless -- can't have too much love or angst in poetry The metaphors seem to get a little bit cloudy though -- from dancing to mountain climbing -- shadows and light -- it's a tad bit like it was put into a blender -- I don't mind words being blended -- that works for me -- but there is a significant lack of focus here -- these ideas could all work if they were tied together -- but I'm afraid I don't have a good suggestion for that. |
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Zaynab Member
since 2003-05-04
Posts 59Kuwait |
Thanks for the pointers, I'll definitely look into that when I come to revising it. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. Zaynab xxxxxxxx Kill me tonight and I will love again |
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Kamala Member
since 2003-04-17
Posts 59CA, USA |
Stravinsky once said that the only response to a piece of music is *another* piece of music. I think the same holds true for all of the arts to a certain extent. Your poem made me think of the following, which I guess is my response to yours. I am lost to the world with which I used to waste so much time, It has heard nothing from me for so long that it may very well believe that I am dead! It is of no consequence to me Whether it thinks me dead; I cannot deny it, for I really am dead to the world. I am dead to the world's tumult, And I rest in a quiet realm! I live alone in my heaven, In my love and in my song! By Friedrich Ruckert This is a translation from the German, and it was set to music by Mahler. You should check it out. The Four Last Songs. Gorgeous. Anyway -- I thought of it because it's a similar sentiment but a different conclusion. I hope you likes. Kamala |
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Zaynab Member
since 2003-05-04
Posts 59Kuwait |
Loverlyduverly! That's a really beautiful poem, I'll have to check it out with the music. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. Zaynab xxxxxxxx Kill me tonight and I will love again |
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