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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Manuscript Editing- BIG TASK |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York 
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Well Here is all my poetry in one post. Its my manuscript I need major help making sure its 100% ready to go. Thank You for your help!  --------------------------------------------------- xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx --------------------------------------------------- 5-20-02 My Teacher I know you are in Heaven, My teacher shining bright, Yet, I can not help but to hurt, For your remembrance today. I hear you, in my heart, Telling me it's all ok, Yet my tears flow, For a special teacher like you, I did not want to go. I know there comes a time, When we all must say goodbye. Yet, I thought it would be, My graduation day. You smiling and proud of me. I know in my heart, you are safe and sound. Yet as I look around the school, I know longer see, your eyes shinning bright. I know what you wanted out of life, To be a teacher and make a difference, in our young lives. You will not be forgotten, You shall be missed. BY friends, family, and students. I am proud to say, You were my teacher, and will forever be my guide. The lessons you shared, will be cherished forever, Through out our lives. I know someday, we shall meet again; You will be the teacher leading small angels, and holding their hands. Until we meet again, know I'll always remember, and look up to the teacher, Who always did understand. You are forever engraved, upon hearts of many. You were a work of art, here on earth. I Know God chose you, For your Heart, ever so true. Someday many of us will follow, Just to meet you, once again. Until then, we will do the best we can. Making you proud of the good deeds, you have shared, with us left here on earth. While Heaven, has now become your turf. Holding angels hands, and sharing lessons of life and love. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5-24-02 Unicorn My heart aches, For the hatred spread. I as a unicorn, With a glittering horn, From the crest of my forehead, Quite a superficial creature I would be. In fact there would only be one of me, My white fur silky and satin, My mane and tail beautiful pink, I would walk proudly, Amongst the people, holding my head high, Treating everyone as an equal. I would be the unicorn, Speaking with people nation wide, Spreading my wings, Flying through the skies. Listening to their troubles and sorrows, Helping them realize Racism and hatred, Is not a cure for better tomorrows. If only, I could be a unicorn, My beauty would allow them to see, A superficial creature, Yet they still could love me. We do not chose, Who we are born to be, So all I ask, is accept one another, I believe color blind is the best way to be. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 5-25-02 Renew the Day Today went by in a blurry haze Rejoicing the life of someone so true This person wasn't a someone She was a gift from the heavens She was taken from us to become The teacher and guide of the angels Today I renewed the day Seeing her face that one last time Hugging Her father, and other family I could feel her watching down on all I thank thee for letting me Renew the day Renew my heart Renew my love Renew my spirit. I thank you all. God has not taken away from us He has just borrowed Soon he will return her to us In another land He will let us always remember and love her and be together as one ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Coke or Pepsi what a joke to drink coke Riding down the slopes I drink coke but its a joke to drink coke Pepsi gives me epilepsy Pepsi Pepsi Why don't you let me borrow Britney So I can get rid of my epilepsy when I gargle my coke I laugh at a joke when I drink pepsi I get epilepsy So why don't you just give me a Sprite Because with that I can do all right -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Zig Zag Its a zig zaggy day The clouds are zigs in the sky The grass is a zag on the ground As you look in the mirror you smile kinda makes a zig zag Your hair is disheveled Your makeup in disaray Your shirt buttoned in the wrong holes your zipper undone your underwear creased up your butt What a zig zag kind of day Nothing is going your way Nothing is right Your up your down your everywhere To bad the sun isn't shining The clouds gone buttons right zipper zipped underwear uncreased -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mystery in the Sky Mystery of ashes in the sky There’s a Mystery Game playing overhead You rose from the ashes of truth into the lovely breaking sky even though you were quite shy you were just a little guy There’s a mystery of love in the truth of our skies Where the ashes fall beneath the clouds and a clown just has that certain frown that makes you roll on the ground The mystery gets so deep the clouds just fluff and sleep ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5-26-02 American Flag American Flags wave through the polluted air But I am clean as can be Full of the pride that’s washing over me My American Pride Makes me shiver inside America... Where have you been? Until this day Where has your pride hidden Your among the few who lost their pride. America is beautiful how long will we keep our pride this time it seems like it will be over once the Yellow Journalism fades What’s this we're talking about war forget about sharpening your swords Forgive and forget its Peace or get out We don't need to get revenge We're smarter than they We're more spirited than they So what are we doing Fighting in Afghanistan when we could be helping the homeless We could be feeding the poor We could be much more But We're America! We're Beautiful so let’s wag our flags high ------------------------------------------------------------------ Pray to You Pray to you Looking up at the sky and the stars start to fly I pray to you (I pray to you) let my dreams come true and it makes me wonder why my dreams seem so high and why the skies not always blue I know that you hold it I know you control it so what am I going to do I pray to you(pray to you) let my dreams come true(dreams come true) in you there’s no fear(there’s no fear) I pray to you Let me fly high to my destiny for the whole world to see -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Where Where Will You be help me fly away from here take me high beyond the clouds to where the unicorns fly let me be as free as can be tell me that you care and that you'll be there hold me in your arms hold me tight and treat me so right take me beneath the sea to where the titanic sank before let me be free from free just be there for me -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank You I thank You for you have affected my life in many ways you reached to my heart I thank you for all you've done you caught me when I fell and lifted me up you gave me faith to believe I thank you for the kindness you have radiated you took away the pain and replaced it with laughter you saved me from a broken heart I thank you for all your support you taught me to believe you taught me to reach out I thank you for the courage you gave me to break down I thank you for all the tears you replaced with smiles you reached inside my heart and pulled me out I thank you for being you I thank you with all my heart ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tempted to Peek Tempted to peak I wonder what the future holds I wonder where I'll be and what I am doing its kind of like a game of hide and seek where your oh so tempted to peek only you can't peek into the future so I have to wonder what I'd see if I could just have one peek its kind of like a game when your never on the winning team you always wonder what could have happened I wish I could play a game but I'd be tempted to peek it wouldn't be fair so I have to sit and wait for my future to come on its own -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whispering Whispering when I walk through town I hear the whispers of an angel looking over me telling me what’s wrong telling me what’s right and telling me how to be I won't be anything that he doesn't want me to be It isn't for me Its all for him It is his. He made it they way he wanted it He's taken the credit Because its his My life my love my heart my soul it all belongs to one The one the only everything is his for him, its his way, his heart his power his belief He won't take it from me he already has been given it I already sent it to him My heart my love my soul my everything Is his for him Mine for mine everything is what he wanted it to be Now the glory is in everything I do It is the glory god has lain out on the floor The glory that I see When he's looking down at me When I'm singing a song Or dancing to a beat It is his for his mine for mine my heart my love my soul my everything Its mine but his his but mine nothing I can do will make him see a difference inside of me He is my god he is my soul he died to make me live without him I could not I would not want to be Oh lordy Oh Lordy come whisper down to me tell me what you want from Tell me now what I can be who I am what I do Tell me what I can be who I can see who is my angel Who is my life where am I headed is it the wrong way Whisper dear lord to me Whisper the things I need to hear Whisper everything to me I want you to tell me What I am doing right I want you to tell me what I am doing wrong I want you to be for me Like I am for you. The one the only everything is his for him, its his, his way, his heart his power his belief He won't take it from me he already has been given it I already sent it to him my heart my love my soul my everything is his for him Mine for mine ---------------------------------------------------------------- Tranquility Stare take a look over there the at which I swear stares back at me in which I flee to make myself free from there a tranquility stare walk to a place that you wonder where you will stare take a look at that book avoid the nonsense in the nook take a peak Just not speak and write it in ink just before the brink take a look inside for you just cannot hide from those that have died To be… To be an angel there must be a Prerequisite you must have to smile everyday reach the hearts of many love life be adventurous have a free running spirit and lastly to be daddy's little girl I once knew someone that I will never forget who had all of these Prerequisites and then even more but she was especially daddy's little girl Her Daddy was more than A sweet Friend A talented poet He was even more He was the father of this Amazing little girl. Can a Poem Fail? When does a poem fail to heal the hearts of many why can't life go on beautifully forever why can't peace be found in a package what makes hatred spread is that too much to handle must we always just light a candle let it burn let it flicker out without questioning its purity what’s in a poem that makes a person slip away death itself just scares us away a tranquil poem softens the heart but when a poem fails to soften what happens to the heart does your soul disappear to all eternity before your body leaves its world behind is nothingness solitude when a poem fails does the heart fail too or is it just imaginary subtle and unspeakable A poem can never fail just the image doesn't quite sink in the brain just doesn't comprehend so it flat out just isn't understood believe it or not my theory isn't absurd 5-27-02 Walking Away Walking away is never easy and Isn't something I want to do leaving the past behind keeping away from the dark cloud of depression that hovers overhead Bless the one and only For teaching me so well Keeping me in the light so well Thank Thee Thank Thee I will never walk away from thee 6-05-02 Purple Clouds of Heaven gaze upon a rainbow seek beyond the rain find a special friend in the mist among the wind run freely Flap your wings dear angel Let me hear them flutter Watching over me Looking Like a butterfly From Left to Right All up in heaven's sight Let me see you Let me hear you Smile the day away Help me little one Deary Deary Don't let it rain today Tears to many Laughter to little Where can I find you Where shall I be waiting I'll be here waiting I'll be watching I'll be listening When it is my turn To visit the pearly gates of heaven and join you once again Teach me to be… Teach me great teacher to be just like you perfect and proud and happy too Teach me how to decorate Teach me to laugh Teach me to organize just the way you do I want to learn from the very best That means from you I can learn so much from you I can learn from others too But there are many things that only you can teach so well I'd like to be just like you 6-09-02 Found Poem The Sunset where four candles flickered is where i stood looking ahead at tomorrow i see it turn into the bright rosy-colored space that makes up the half acre of deep pungent roses as night began to fall a poet, gulps the incomparable milk of wonder as I looked towards the mountains humming out into the darkness in which the poet in me believed was lit only by a yellow light being joined by my lover I took his hand into mine we walked across the moonlit gravel a white ashen dust veiled our path as we walked on, hand in hand we passed over a dark bridge limited only by our love flying high beyond ourselves between grotesque reality and savage frightening dreams Our deep feelings of love for each other can flourish and grow each day any part of reality will make us who we are turning us into the angels we need to be Mention Mention to life love Mention to life Soul Mention to life All Mention to life The unmentionable Mention to life That you Care Mention to life You'll always be there Life is not living Life is a being Life is a noun In which you prey Mix up what is truly real is it really happening Am I really here? Is this a solid state of mind a weary dream an act of god Let me stand in front of you judge me for who I am What I am Who I am and what I shall be 6-22-02 Senseless Nativity drip, drip dripping from the faucet I hear whenever you are near this is about the time you knock me down but you that I’m not having it go ahead go ahead throw your balls of fire let your flames ignite me I am more powerful than you This is about the time you bring me down Knock me down to the ground But you know that I am not having it I’ll let you just try to make me do something wrong But just know that God is my back up plan So when you make the faucet drip Why don’t you make your sorrow trip Just because you have never been loved If you ask God will love you too Just because you live in fire Doesn’t mean you should not find love Release your hostages Release you loneliness Release me from your grip This is about the time that you knock me down But you forget that I’m not having it. 6-23-02 Challenge Challenges are so wonderful When they aren't so painful inside emotion is just a symbol of my weakness I cannot hide from within Oh how much I love God But oh how much I hurt Decisions I wish not to make Church is making me shiver and shake When I finally found the one I loved It turned my whole world upside down courtship just seemed so great but it wasn't meant for me the people there are wonderful but I can barely relate I wish I had never gone to this place I can never leave I love it so much so why do I shiver and shake I believe some of what they believe but I cannot be the way they want me to be I cannot waste what I have to gain what they have I do not want to say goodbye but today I will say goodbye Good Bye Challenges I wish not to face God take me where I need to place 6-27-02 Just another suicide Just Another Suicide they happen everyday It is becoming the norm No was to stop it just let it run its course but of course you can help because there are more ways out Today should not be another day where you hear Today was just another day for a suicide. 6-29-02 Violent Swords I am fighting back, holding back Trying to make things right I lost almost everything, and I want it back I fight back with words, stronger then the most violent swords I had a life once that was grand I am holding back the best I can Gasping for air, sucking in the rotten air Of people, who have wronged me I fight for revenge with words so pure I am fighting back with words so fair I won't find my answer in violence I'll find my answer in words So, reader, beware I have a lot to say No apology will be accepted You should have made a better choice You wrecked my life, now I am wrecking yours With words stronger than violent swords Stronger than violent swords. . . . 6-30-02 Lost within sunshine blocking eyes covered...lost within night walking sweet talking...lost within body bouncing legs pouncing... lost within moonlight dancing feet prancing... lost within back bending money spending... lost within deep sulking angry bulking... lost within 7-09-02 Division divide me heart upon tulips gazing blind me from after take me to wonderland leave behind with deceit take your hands and lay them before me leave me for divisions sake lock my heart through away the key forget the past within my soul rupture before me golden solitude break glass beneath my ears divide my heart upon tulips gazing lighten the day from the dark ashen this is the division that separates me from heart and soul Wishful Thinking cries of a blind man left unheard glories of god, holding my hand bless me before thee take me by the hand lift my soul to heavens breath the day they pronounce me dead fluttering and sputtering I try.. to fly come again dear lord don't leave me here I won't escape take me from the devils grasp take away his flames... oh lord most i say, most i believe is simple wishful thinking lord let me see thee at the pearly gates of heaven let me in dear lord tell me all your secrets Deepness deep blooming sky beneath shining stars so summoned from a cry locked deeply in solitude of time estimation quite exact in tact the smile brushes lightly the understood nature forever silence the past with tomorrow time beneath the cries solitude of silence brings tranquility summon someone else someone to truly understand deep summons from a cry beneath time understand to the silence with tranquility 7-10-02 The truth the truth of light lies in the darkness of fates own garden the garden of fate watered by tears of silence tears flourish from the eyes which stare from the clouds white from colors deathless breath dust heaving upon groundless rocks hiding past with future laying on the groundless floor sinking downwards towards the only door where the light lies beyond the truth hanging on by golden broken threads the fate of darkness brings forth thee to the garden lock and key tears of silence make thee's garden whole what is the garden that you see where is this place I'm dreaming of what is this really of the truth of light lies in the darkness of fates own garden Nothing Less- Larry Nothing Less Than a good friend Nothing Less than a shoulder to cry on Nothing Less Than God's Own angel Nothing Less Than a dear friend Nothing Less than a heartfelt hello Nothing Less A smile that shines so bright sunglasses will not help a heart that is so pure many cannot relate Nothing Less than a dear father He is the power the world The movement of the skies 7-13-02 How I came to be Coming here was no joke I was offered one day From the flagpole I wait as butterfly kisses played from Mrs. Millers office As Larry bowed his head Candle lights flickering Cause she was daddy's little girl With out Larry I would never have met thee A poem written so neat of a teacher so bright It feels as if I was brought here by an angel and this was all meant to be To have passion from my poetry to enjoy other peoples poems as well and Forever here I will stay Take One A poet lost always remembered A poets sweet melody a hearts wonder and grace a passion not hidden and let to waste from day to day each of us here at passions will take one for the team every time we work so hard a beauty of a poem comes out from hiding everyday we touch countless lives we bless each other we are a team Every time you write every time you click "submit new topic" Remember you are just taking one for the team I Am I am sweet and poetic I wonder where the unicorns play I hear angels whispering I see unicorns prancing a field I want to be together forever with Daniel I am sweet and poetic I pretend I am a teacher I feel happy when I am with you I touch dew drops in the winter I worry about the end of life I cry because I miss all that I have lost I am sweet and poetic I understand someday I'll become a teacher I say be careful what you wish for I dream about being a perfect teacher I try to write a poem everyday I hope I'll always be your friend I am sweet and poetic 7-14-02 Poet Tree A poet tree stands among the fruit trees in the garden of Eden where else did all us poets get our talent This poet tree went over looked Missed and untouched So now whenever you write remember the poet tree created your poet Judgment A judgment came to quickly Chatted only but 5 minutes Deemed wrong for speaking right told no when really it was yes Believe me why are people so cruel Brittle bones I have Klutzy I am Not the best Not the worst But it is true I break a bone here I break a bone there You think I have begun to care You think this is really rare Goodnight God bless I hope you well and I wish you on your way 7-15-02 Fear Liar Caffeine Free 2 liters pouring out of me Times three Silly Clown balloons and glory Caffeine Free 2 liters pouring out of me Times three Fear of fire, rain and clouds Silly clown balloons and fury Caffeine free 2 liters pouring out of me times three Wind Striking at my face Silly Clown Balloons so weary Caffeine Free 2 liters pouring out of me times three A Lover’s Dance a sweet serenade under the moonlight as the stars waltz across the sky A melody so beautiful one lone tear slips down my cheek For one I love so deeply with all my heart Underneath the starry night I gather all my strength to join my lover in a dance joining one together with another Joyously prancing among the stars a heart so pure a love so dear as I look into the mirror A lovely dance In the lovers court A sweet serenade All my love goes out to you my dear My Daniel I love you A hug a kiss a love so pure Teddy Bear and Honey The stars walk hand in hand teddy bear and honey sit on the shore as the waves crash against the beach under the moonlight they watch the stars dance hand in hand they danced Teddy bear and honey tried their fate their eyes meet without a flicker their lips touch fingers dance hand in hand their love is so great they could hardly bear(sp?) for teddy bear wants his honey more and more and honey not much sweeter than sugar gives her teddy bear a squizzer --------------------------------------------------------- Online Hanging from the sky on the telephone wire we all sit we sit online and write a poem or two maybe even more Count by fives The blessings we have been brought a hug from me to you we sit online write a poem or two What good friends we are Hanging from the sky Telephone me Telephone me We can talk all night Here online we sit and write a poem or two 7-18-02 Missing Missing from the quilt a piece with a story a mystery a fairy tale a heart a soul Missing from the quilt the stuffing and the tears torn up and raggedy like a little girls favorite doll Heaven I walk upstairs through some clouds white gates I see before a door I knock upon this pearly white door Lookie here at what I see its peace and harmony nothing more will make me wait to pass through these pearly gates I walk along, the clouds again to speak to one they call my lord I take the tour of his land Lookie here at what I see a shopping mall up in the sky a million angels flutter by a hotel to the left a park to the right a billion houses and a rain machine angels looking downward from the sky to the world they used to know prayers can be heard from all around Strawberry Salad S-ometimes I want to see T-ranquility in this world R-emember when we all got along A-lways with smiles upon our faces W-ith a hug for everyone B-asically sharing at all times E-verlasting friendship should have been the result R-ight? R-ainbows are made from happy smiles Y-ellowest pots of gold S-ometimes are the ones found with love A-sk everyone you know L-isten carefully and the bird will tell you D-on't forget, I love you 7-22-02 Night Time Breeze Cool night air breathing down my back sending shivers down my spine heart ache and heart break singing out the blues watching the dews as they appear upon the blades of grass so green that even in between see the breeze tremble through the trees watch as the leaves flutter to the ground like bees create a mystery from the garden at which you wait drawing near that special date laughter soaring through the trees as the cool night breeze makes my nose curl up in a sneeze cool night air breathing down my back When I look at me When I look at me I see a light inside of me I see my past, present, and future me that’s about as far as I can see I see innocence of a young child happy and hyper as can be an aspiring friend shining brightly among the stars I see today’s a hearts full time a friend to all love taken to the fullest innocence stripped away like dirty laundry not yet washed married with 4 kids a kiss from Dan everyday a job well done a teacher, the very best one when I look at me I see a very bright future ahead of me Colorless World What would it be if everything were different Leopards without spots a world where no color could be seen not a single drop of technology no color not even black or white everything a clear dusty haze The pros would be just 1 or 2 1. No racism 2.nothing the cause hate The cons would be many I give you just a few Boredom communication no internet but we could all get used to having no more hate guess what it isn't too late so open up your gate and let yourself relate 8-06-02 Turning Corners Left and Right we turn each day before the sun has a chance to go down Left and Right we turn each night before the moon can drop tears of dew upon the grass and leaves turning corners is just a phrase a word at heart a souls last power each corner leads to another path each path a new day sweetly sing dear rainbow choose your corners wisely left or right there is always another chance to correct a mistake to redirect your path if the first turn you make isn't the one you want to make just turn around and take the other but that’s what you think in life corners are a one way street no place to make a U-turn so when you think of turning corners remember you are not in a car there is no turning back to fix a wrong find a new path left or right its alright to make a choice whether wrong or right 8-07-02 Losing to the World Looking in the mirror I see myself staring blankly back no emotions are present I show no fear, no sadness, no joy I show no happiness and I show no hate all I see is blankness this blankness is worse than all the silences the type of silences that scare people my mind is spinning my expression blank my heart fading away and breaking into millions of pieces that want to be put back together again there are no horses and no kings men this isn't a nursery rhyme this is real the world is crumbling turn things around and make them right spread a smile across my face take away the pain you caused give me back all you took away Bound and Gagged I am battling the entire world its everyone against me I am left alone to feel abused hated and dumb to believe anyone cared I don't know what to do i refuse to stay here but I refuse to go away I refuse to be locked in your chains bound and gagged I feel Headed For Heaven I walk upstairs through some silver clouds white gates I see before a glittering door I knock upon this glittering pearl white door Lookie here at what I see its peace and harmony nothing more will make me wait to pass through these glittery pearl white gates I walk along, the clouds again to speak to one they call my lord I take the tour of his land Lookie here at what I see a shopping mall up in the sky a million angels flutter by a hotel to the left a park to the right a billion houses and a rain machine angels looking downward from the sky to the world they used to know prayers can be heard from all around As Ginger awaits her Grandfather She dances and prances Her excitement grows Her heart begins to pound For today she will be joined By her Daddy's Dad She will give him a kiss And a hug to last forever Yet she will cry tears of last words spoken Although they can share memories They will wait for more The day when Daddy will come home 8-09-02 Happy Falls A happy north from a blank star in which nothing follows a fall in compact distraught by human kindly raced Happy falls flap naughty highlands fill the gap sordid honey mummy wants to say a funny in a happy north you will forth come Happy Falls 8-10-02 Lovely Lovely Leopards Little Lungs Full from forever’s face as any air enters even softly sun sets beneath better blood Never I never said today would last forever Not a word or thought crossed my mind that someday I would have to say goodbye to all the ones I love each day passes by a moment lost and forever never to return hurt softly heart broken so many times before depressed and repressed forever together with heaven with you 8-11-02 Endless Mystery Ocean tragedy a helpless endless mystery silent callings from below a cry for help a silent plee a bargain meant for you and me a path to follow you and me a virtue not yet known an ocean tragedy an endless mystery God created you and me equally, at least he had hoped but society created an ocean of tragedies On my own one day forever more learn to fly soar through out the land holding my hand why won't you let go i can make it on my own let my heart tell my brain what really should be mine I'm not a lonely little girl 8-12-02 Silently Clouds of heavens day subtle reasons sky so blue silently wasted angels soar beneath his eyes flourish candies brilliant eyes Poetry means Nothing to me Poetry means nothing to me not just a phase but a way of life after so long I too will say goodbye but once the roses thorny arms lift to pray I know a poem will be so true as God will seek my soul when I begin to walk his waters Poetry not only means nothing to me but it is everything inside of me lost but now found a new person I am I never knew I could be so wrong a poem is a prayer a poem is my life so dear Poetry means the world to me yet nothing at all keeps it from meaning nothing poetry means the world to me its an opening of doors a new beginning a forever when never is present a never when forever cannot be seen Ship Yard Crashing through the ice burg of your heart comes a ship larger than the Titanic making you shiver and shake inside there is only half a lifeboat in your heart taking away each breath so desperately a love of life sweeps from your tear filled eyes i can take your pain away built upon a stony ground my heart filled with sweetness to give all around don't let your shipyard get ship wrecked let me soothe your heart let me be your crying ground 8-20-02 Baptism After So Long I too will say goodbye to a life without God but once the roses thorny arms lift to pray I know this poem will be so true As God begins to seek my soul As I begin to walk his waters Lost but now found A new person I am I never knew I could be so wrong an opening of doors a new beginning a forever when never is present a never when forever cannot be seen Restless its a restless hour tossing and turning all night long why can't we all just get along each night a restless fight against just about any flight I squeeze with all my might that this endless plight could actually end without a bend we can all mend the hate in our hearts so we must stop throwing darts stop this restlessness lets all begin to love again 8-26-02 Teens Whenever we walk inside the doors of a mall the security guards flock to us like bees trying to save our sanity we behave Adults do wrong things too and teens aren't bad we are caring and loving Home Four White Walls trimmed in blue Stand tall in a lawn of green a ways away a white picket fence to me this would be home Outside the wooden front door a welcome mat sits flower pots upon each step the walkway clear Just inside the front door cedar floors shiny and new Walls shimmering white Chandelier above your head Directly in front of you Sadie barks Roll over you say Here is where the home is This is my home I do not really live there That is my home in my heart And if it had looks that’s what it would look like or is it just the idolized idea 8-30-02 Classroom Inside a hollow four Walls Many desk sit scattered a puff of color here and there Intense love Silence brewing Happiness hollowed Amongst walls of grey Each day another memory passes each moment a heart felt hug each second a lesson learned each year a remembrance As the four walls become unhollowed the reason is purity purity of a heart so pure a smile from above Each day I will enjoy and laugh once again 8-31-02 Brilliance A virtue not just anyone has but that most can see a heart solely given to you loneliness hidden behind tears happiness marked by a smile 9-12-02 One September Day One september day we came to pray one nation under God One september day when we came to pray our hearts so pure our vengeance lost One September day we came to pray one nation under God 50 stars, 13 stripe America, America One Nation Under God One september Day We Came to Pray One Nation- Came to pray September eleventh we remember this one september day we came to pray one nation under God 9-13-02 Homophone Poem A poet always wonders When and where a poem will come Never mind which witch eats a peanut butter sandwich Even even in the morning or night Where you can find a knight - ride across the field I'm feeling kind of hoarse. While you are riding your horse So won't you sew with me a quilt we can make even if its fake My son looks to the sun to see where Jesus wears his clothes He will not close his doors to us he loves us I write poetry for a living even though I am hardly ever right excuse me I must go pee, then after I have to float my peas in a gravy lake on my mashed potatoes. I like my long hair, my brother has an ugly hare. I can see Sally at the sea shore Selling her sea shells. Have you seen such a dear young baby deer. 9-14-02 You Whenever alone my heart thumps and skips a beat as if it were incomplete You see if you may I just might need It is so contrary I always skip a beat Talking and being alone I thank you for the days the helping hand The soft tenderness of your hugs and the unforgettable scent of your leather coat all memories deeply etched in me all I wish never to forget Thank You Dear Friend --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9-20-02 Mail Call A day I live a day i die i begin with then and end with now i live now, what happens later a life unknown a smile unforgiven a past left amiss rain without a cloud possible turns to impossible or even the other way around i am too young, I am too old lost, weepy sorrowful town living unhole living in stress living no knowing, not sure and confused sadness, happiness and joy are all arranged anger, love and temptation ENVELOPE- STAMP-MAILBOX-TRUCK- AIRPORT-TRUCK MAILBOX-HAND-FINGERS-TEARING-OPEN ANF HERE I AM 9-25-02 Most Wonderful The most wonderful thing about you is that I love you Always here when I need you Always a smile or a hug Funny yet serious But the most wonderful thing about you is that I love you 9-28-02 Glorious Glorious is God's given glory He welcomes us with open arms. Grabs for our hand. Leads us through his heavenly pastures Lets us in on his secrets Lets us live in his holy land I look up to the sky When stars start to fly I pray I pray Jesus, oh Jesus Let me walk across the water Let me glorify you Bring my dreams to reality Bring my heart to eternity Glorious I follow you Glory is in my faithful attitude Smiling I can sing a song Jesus, oh Jesus Let my hands wander closer to you Let my heart beat with you Bring my soul to your land I pray to you my dreams will come true I let you know my destiny is yours Take from me everything you need Jesus, oh Jesus Lord will give me some Heart and purity Jesus. oh Jesus Let me walk with you Choices Everyday you will be given trials you can learn from them or you can blame them on something else You are given choices whether you make the right ones or not is entirely up to you God has set a path of choices he wishes you to have and these are lessons you will learn the ones you make bad choices with all along he will teach you the lesson until it is learned begin a new day with a new attitude on of faith and purity innocence captured and released an emotional rollercoaster but you will enjoy the trill of it all Everyday you go by learning your lessons I will be going through my own. God is in this place taking us and leading us these trials that we're going through are a good thing even if they look bad they are just in disguise 9-29-02 Leaving Day Leaving Day As I get older You will no longer see The child inside of me here I stand in an older land No don't get older I can just hear them say those words I cannot let you go now to a place not yet known I know what I am doing I can see where I am headed I will be free from harm and believe me I won't break an arm you need not anticipate until you sit and wait give me a moment to live, to learn, to love 10-04-02 Broken Heart Unmended My mind is lost my heart is breaking life is melting away like icicles in the sping drifting away from you I am muddled Don't care Don't realize My life is full ahead but I am stuck right here Lost in an image Lost in a dream trance like opinion Heart unfree fairness and like-ability greetings and unloyalty broken hearted empty hearted brainless craziness Creepy my, it , they, the have, had , what, could not, that , if , which little, one, big , two a poem especially for you my, it , they, the have, had , what, could not, that , if , which little, one, big , two 10-05-02 Coma This poem is from Kellie. Blue Eyes and blonde hair. From Washington's rainy weather to Hawaii's sunny weather You will always be my auntie. Right now you are in the hospital. Tomorrow you might be in heaven. I am just letting you know I love you. You are in a coma, you had another stroke, Just letting you know you are in our prayers. Auntie, I love you. Likely Likely that it is .... I will always love you Likely how it is .... I will always be here for you Likely that it is .... I will never say goodbye Likely that it is .... I will always be forgiving Likely that it is .... You are an angel Likely That it is .... I love you Disregard disregard, disregard my thoughts disregard my temptation disregard my disrespect disregard my childness disregard that I am only human. and you will see Happiness and loyalty inside of me Losing You Lose When you win and get excited You Lose when you are happy and when you are sad Why can't we ever win life goes on our hearts always beat when a friend dies the beat loses its thump and it just kind of pumps when you lose You wish you could win. When you win you want to lose I lost again godbless you We all love you We will never forget you. 10-07-02 Reality Reality... Check yourself at the door keep away from here reality is not wanted here a beginning with an end check yourself at the door I have a mother only she isn't really here she plays pretend and makes me believe she really loves to bug me but she doesn't really love me Reality... Check yourself at the door keep away from here reality is not wanted here a beginning with an end check yourself at the door I have a boyfriend he is always here he is happy and never sad and makes me believe in myself, in everything I do He honestly really loves me Reality... Check yourself at the door keep away from here reality is not wanted here a beginning with an end check yourself at the door I have a life that barely exists my heart is broken and unmended my life falling apart why can't I just be happy Reality... Check yourself at the door keep away from here reality is not wanted here a beginning with an end check yourself at the door I go to church I get lost in my thoughts I write a poem I pretend to be happy I pretend to love myself Reality... Check yourself at the door keep away from here reality is not wanted here a beginning with an end check yourself at the door The reality of this really is ... I'm not truly loved, I have no mother she was just given a title Reality... Check yourself at the door keep away from here reality is not wanted here a beginning with an end check yourself at the door the reality is I am unhappy, I am lost, I want to run away I love you but why don't you love me Reality... Check yourself at the door keep away from here reality is not wanted here a begining with an end check yourself at the door 10-14-02 If Only... If Only... Life is easier If Only... I could see the light If Only... I could be with you If Only... I could dance in the moonlight If Only... Life wasn't so harsh If Only... Reality didn't slap so hard If Only... Life would ever end If Only... people would never die If Only... A smile was permanent If Only... My heart didn't know how to break If Only... I had you with me If Only... I had you wrapped around me If Only... I had you to comfort me If Only... You were here right now I wouldn't be so sad De Nile Denial What I don't want to believe I know I am wrong But Id like to be right I deny you before me for my weaknesses in my heart falter on the ground which you walk My ego drops before you as I deny anything that is true to be false Ima Lima Bean Ima Lima bean... I think I sit and ponder the thought what a beautiful day to be a lima bean not to many people like them I am sure but hey, If i were a lima bean.. I might not get eaten for dinner Ima Lima bean.. I think Curious Curiosity's making wonder If I am totally a stranger If I could be different I am the only being I know how to be But I am not good enough I keep on faltering I keep on failing you Letting down Letting you lose But when Will I be someone you can count on Someone with a shoulder you can cry on am I someone who you would turn to would you run or walk to my side If I asked you for a favor would look into my eyes would tell me to get lost grow up and run away 10-22-02 Can I? Can I imagine what my life will become will I ever make my dreams come true In june I will graduate Will sit and wait and wonder if I will Let my dreams come true Or will I run right by will I waste my time away will I stop and see Where I am where am I going Will I ever wonder why I chose to do these things Will I ever ask why I don't have you by my side? -Kellie- a person who isn't powerless or fearless a person who really does care a friend who really does love. When I look in the mirror I don't really see my reflection starring back at me Are you upset? or are you going on your way? are you mad at me? or just letting me see that there is nothing to hide am I really this sweet inside. Do I really care or am I just there Really believe me I care I have a name My name stands for everything I am and I am me -Kellie- Self Discovery In me. I should believe I can find Love I can find Loyalty Honesty and hope Purity and grace. In me I find a sense of reality. I can be opinionated. but I usually keep it to myself. Sometimes I wish I were someone else Sometimes I wish I could speak out Stand up for myself Sometimes I can be hyper Others I can be shy. I am christian, I am pure I am a daughter of God. He is my Father. I love him so. As I sit and sing my worship to him I can feel his presence there. This isn't a self discovery I think everyone already knew. I think I just was bored and thought I'd let you know. That I am me. How Lucky can I be. I can make my poetry tell what I feel. I am so happy I am me. 10-23-02 Tuning into the wind Gentle rustle of autumn leaves Gentle Whisper of the wind Gentle friendships in my heart Some times I wonder Some Times I see Some times I'm curious What today will bring What tomorrow has What God is intending the lessons of the day The Lessons of the month The lessons of the year Jolly days ahead Sadness creeps ahead Only a bit ahead of me is a future is a time To reflect on the past A time to tune into the wind 10-24-02 Distraction Sometimes my world is distorted distant, shattered leaving fragments of me Sometimes sadness and happiness show their faces yet, I always have comfort But only if I find a distraction My mind is lost in an image this is what I have to uphold I need to be this way in order to get this done But no, the image shouldn't be taking me captive I am a separate being than you and you and even you over there. So If I turn myself to believe what I really don't believe To distract myself Well one I am a hypocrite and two I am no longer a separate being but I am a whole society of beliefs That are untrue My world is is disarray as I sit here now but my heart is full or empty depending on what way you look I haven't a clue Where my life will go tomorrow I have all the care in the world but I separate myself. I don't want to let society knock me down I want to be myself no worries, I am me Kellie is the only being here I cannot be Larry, Lyra, toerag I cannot be Lauren, balladeer,James I cannot be Noah, SEA, Bill I cannot be Enchantress, Jeff or gentle spirit I cannot be anyone else but me 10-25-02 Many goodbyes when do you say them? before or after you go? When you say hello its right away So I guess right away is when goodbye should be said I really am not ready to go its so far away but it seems I'll miss it here Once the time comes I hope I live till I am 100 So I can make sure I leave behind no one Goodbyes could be happy Lets let each passing end happily Lets not say goodbye 10-29-02 Soft Hearts Air thick and heavy as it heaves from my chest salty tears burst from my eyes a painful stab at my softened heart Remember when I first came here I was led here with a poem a few kind words and a new friend Well today again the air is thick and heavy as it heaves from my chest salty tears are brimming my eyes but my heart doesn't feel the pain its numb I held in all my pain and sorrow I let it out a little at a time in my poetry only today I unleashed.. 10 gallons of tears This teacher She was amazing This teacher was mine and shall forever be my guide. 11-06-02 Absence of a Poet I've been absent quite a few times this week why because I love someone so much that poetry wasn't with me I've been absent because the light that used to shine within me has been put out People expect nothing of me won't let me take on challenges won't let me be who I want to be won't accept that I am the way I am because that’s how God created me I've been absent because my heart is missing my love for poetry is dying not quite enjoyable not really fun What’s happening where am I what is going on The absence of a poet 11-10-02 Signs of Courage Forever engraved in my heart Always bringing me away from my destiny I'll always remember what it was like with out you in my life Now today is gone and forever is in sight now let me grow and let me see the world around me as it is don't shelter me Your sweeter than candy and not really demanding and I want you to give to me signs of courage to move on Let my heart go on to explore the world north and south east or west let me travel past you and come back maybe sometime soon Your sweeter than candy and not really demanding and I want you to give to me signs of courage to move on to Bigger and better things I love you Don't forget that I can see it in your eyes You are loyal I can see signs of courage washing over me 11-30-02 Not alive, Yet living What can I give you you can only imagine the life I have the love that’s left to give I can see you standing in front of me and I and I wonder when I'll a little older a bit wiser and nothing will become a crazy day when forever starts looking like never I will run to you I will cry for you but I will not let go of you and I can only see weakness and love in me and I want you to live to love just like me forever this is the story of a life not yet lived this day not yet walked but you sometimes remember that the day will end, before you say goodbye your will break the sun will shine brightly before you Your not alive but living here in a world of imagination I see you crying I want to hug you I see you dancing Some one come join her today. and I will declare that I love you and I will smile and cry because without you I might die 12-04-02 Understood Nobody really understands me or what’s going through my head nobody really knows me or about the way I live my life and I (aye aye) won't ever let you in on my secrets my hidden messages My thoughts are runnin' right outta my head, and out the door and I (aye aye) may be a little crazy but, nobody stands around me or washes their hands nobody nobody nobody believes like me and I (aye aye) don't think about you Its a mystery are you mistaken because I (aye aye) don't agree Blank Obsession bla bla bla blank obsession what do you think I'm gonna do? who is this stalking you? is it aye aye aye blank obsession wha wha what are ya thinkin' maybe you're scared or maybe I'm just weird but I have a bla bla bla blank obsession for you yeah you, you yeah, blank obsession for you whatcha thinkin' now? its a bla bla blank obsession over you smile, ile ile ile its you all you blank obsession blank obsession over you. Birthday They come around but once a year, to bother us, and turn our hair grey. The lil monsters give us cake, and candles to make a wish, to live another 365 days, with out a stutter. Each year goes by, a little older we get. But with the coming of age, comes the wisdom that they didn't have in the ice age. New technology, did anyone actually think, that the internet would be real? New friends we make. New projects we start. Friendships build, and a birthday comes. each day we live, each time to sun sets Friends we'll be until the sun never sets again 12-14-02 I declare you There is a reason to this rhyme, a window in this unknown land. There is a melody that bring harmony to this wonder, to this cry. A reason for this rhyme Nothing will hinder, things will stay auspicious. As walk towards you I declare you, I declare you, Amazing, holding on to the reason to this rhyme. I can see you. Singing worship Raising your hands to heaven above I declare you. The holder of reason The blessing of Rhyme You are You are And I declare you I declare you A true friend indeed. Amazing, I wonder When I will see you In heaven Will you die soon Will you leave me, left behind Will I always wonder does the river meet the ocean I declare you I declare you Emily Emily Emily I declare you A person, a blessing From heaven A true friend Who holds the wisdom To the reason of this rhyme 12-23-02 Merry Christmas Snowflakes about to glisten our sidewalks this christmas, To soon a new year, Will bloom in a while Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays 12-27-02 Clouded Images images, left sentences lying on the floor. images, right clinging to the door. images, what a sight. of folklore. images, up paragraphs painted on the walls. images, down a view of the chalkboard. images, nothing like a clown. images, I cannot see. nor want to be bored. But you see here, I am me, sitting up in a tree. Writing poetry. About someone dear to me. 12-28-02 Darkness at Light bored, sky is dark no light in this room. Blank, boredom without fail. A day. Windy and sad. Leaves and a cold breeze darkness leads the way, light follows in the depths of heaven. Faith allows, light to seep through, blessed be his name. Mercy to his people. Faithful and righteous, boredom, new found fun. A bible lay read. ready to be opened again. Pale lines running across the ceiling. candlelight pouring across the room. art dancing in the flame. Warmth of love, from wall to wall, darkness leading the way. Light not giving up. 12-30-02 Dreaming I must be dreaming, the sky isn't blue. I must be denying, that I don't love you. I must be crazy, not to believe. I must be dreaming, I want you. I must be denying, I know I can't have you. I must be crazy, BUT I LOVE YOU!! 1-06-03 Often Thought I've often thought, I was normal. Until I woke up, this normal monday morning. I realized, I wasn't normal. I am not ordinary, I see I'm quite weird. Lost in an image. In a heartless world. Windy, unstable. Lost in a mystery, only will I live to see the end? Or will I disappear into the fading light? 1-15-03 Wakeless Moments Its time to wake We're near the lake, The sun is bright I feel alright its time to fly high into the sky Lost the mark Raindrops fall upon your leaves the sky is dark you've lost your mark kids are playing in the park people leave before you can call LBDFBN Lost by day Found by night dark and light cold and hot days i'm lost nights i've found peace in dark love in light warmth in cold ice in hot I've found Shadows its lurking in my presence stalking me, day by day only leaving me in the comfort of the dark lurking, a reflection, a silhouette watching me tripping me my shadows sticking by my side. Hiding quietly I hide underneath the sky quietly I yell to you from here I stand loudly I voice to you. A silence that’s endless All’s Daylight, Comes before night falls. Singing, As an old man calls, Bingo, To his old friend Halls. Laughing, As his daughter colors the walls. Screaming, Yea!, cause he sold the balls. Daylight, Comes before night falls. 1-18-03 Riding through time Waltzing through time, not at all, thinking about mine. slipping through time, not at all, drinking wine. Riding through time, on a silver dime. 1-26-03 Mistaken I've been mistaken, for a happy child. I've been repeated, as a sad child. I've been mistaken, as a stupid child. But all I really am, Is a grown child, almost 18. That hasn't quite found her way. I am lost in this time, that is floating by so fast. I am trapped in this rain that falls so cold to the ground. I am beaten to death with these drops of liquid called tears, I am bleeding from my thoughts. I'm trapped in a hole and burying deep. I can't see the way out from this hole that engulfs me lost in the trench lost in my mind I've been mistaken. Here yes I have Mistaken, I am taken. Knocked I knocked on your door, you left me there on the porch in the cold let me stand in the rain getting soaked in my blood as tears streamed down my face. You left me there in the cold when i needed you the most, you said i was a fool, that i was a crazy tool That I could never amount to who, I am I am just running wild, I knocked on your door, got left in the cold, you let me soak in the rain, in my blood. Didn't offer your help, didn't comfort at all. and I am singing my song, that I am alive and well, depressed and cold, but I knocked on your door, God Amongst the Rain Amongst the rain D r o p s F a l l.. to the ground Stood _______ under. I know that when it RAINS the water will PuDdLe on the ground underneath my feet as I walk d o w n the street Amongst the S A T R D rain C T E E that FELL today Creative Rain Today, rain falls briskly, to the ground as the sun light dances on the ground. Rainbows everywhere I look to see beautifully, Rainbows here and there Even as the rain falls, I'm happy as can be, running to the rainbows, dancing in the clouds. raindrops falling from, the blue sky singing around, me, in rich puddles like a bluebird sings gazing down, many meadows rich and brown! 2-15-03 Invisible Invisible I am, to any passerby. Invisible I am, to all who say I. Notice now and here I wait, silence baits at my gate. When times were rough. The doors were closed, I was invisible. Invisible I am, yet not indestructable. Notice now and here I wait, running from that awful date. When times were tough. The doors were locked with keys, I was invisible, to the visible. When times were rough. Notice now and here I wait, silencing the shattering plate. The times got tough. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 2-17-03 Stare Blankly I stare yet i do not dare to care I'm sitting over there the carpet is bare I stare I dare to care sitting there bare, I stare blank lost absent Freely Take my hand, and lead me. To a distant place open my mouth and unleash a whisper of my thoughts take my hand and lead me, away from my selfish mind open my heart and let me free take my hand and lead me to a place in tranquility let me run freely 2-17-03 Reflective Journey’s Come now darkness out of hiding, no longer need you hide your secret. Time is biding, I'm trying to keep it. Everyday I strut my stuff, on this path of life and death. A journey with but one end, death, buried 6 feet under. Secretly, you hide in the darkness, making sure I'm left unaware of your presence. Now you know, I know. Are you scared? That maybe some day the only thing, of me left behind, will be the journey's here that I have reflected, right here on the web in my poetry. Every day, Every person. On a journey, left to find the end. Every one reflectng in some way. my reflective journey started on the web. 2-21-03 Poeta The way I let my feelings flow When my mind hurts so much, and the pain just needs to be released. I take out my pen, and I sit and caper my thoughts on to paper. And my mind it just wiggles right out to the paper, what you see is what you get, From my heart, straight from my mind. Wiggles, I call them. They come from every aspect of life, wiggling out when I cannot see. When I think that I'm happy, as I start to get yappy and then BAM! I've got to run and find a pen, to write, these wiggles that corrupt my mind.. Mind Wiggles, the poetry, of my mind, the thoughts in my head, the heart and soul and the jist of me. 2-27-03 Refuse Here, in the darkness heartless, panic driven making it with out thoughts stand here alone shattered and splattered on the ground, like thoughts that beat on my brain, like rain on a windowpane. The mindless refuse that contradicts my smile. The selfishness, left to contaminate my soul. The spots of rot the rhythm. Mediate the top when my pain stains. When selfishness takes over Its the mindless refuse that contradicts my smile thoughts, shattered and splattered on the ground, like rain beating on the window pain, releasing the pain from my brain. 2-28-03 Depth of Deception Breathless, I run I run so fast Away from all my thoughts my thoughts selfish My pride selfish breathless I run I'm not having fun My mind runs away to the depths of craze my heart is a blaze of threats to my selfishness tearing me apart leaving everyone in the dark where do I start the beginning has no end I can't bend over backwards to please everyone its a war, almost not worth fighting for I've given up before I knocked myself right out the door now... what is it more? 03-01-03 Cobblestone Walk Cluttered, and settled here, amongst the dandelions. Set deep in the ground, a rigid path. The one I walk but four times a day. Slippery and cold beneath my feet, that summer day. The one they say, ruined your day. Which you will never repeat. A cobblestone walk, you took that day. Distracted by a soaring hawk, for which you had to pay. The walk that broke your leg. (¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨) ·.¸(¨`·.·´¨)¸.·´ *`·.¸.·´* Love Always Kellie [This message has been edited by Kellie_Cantrell (03-02-2003 12:43 PM).] |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
alright I haven't read much.. I gotta go to bed anyway.. but in the first poem your line: I know longer see, your eyes shinning bright. know should be no good luck with getting it all prepared! ack just reading that poem.. first one. I noticed you live in Washington.. was this about the teacher murdered there? :-/ if so.. she was a cousin of mine. *sigh* ..ok, going on. Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - (blink, breathe, stand, fight) [This message has been edited by GG (03-02-2003 04:05 AM).] |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
Nooo, She wasn't murderered. She was Larry's daughter (¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨) |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
In your very first poem, shining is spelled wrong..why don't you first use spell check and go over your own poems..then ask for help. After all it is your book being published. And you should be the one doing the proof reading. Better still why not let your parents check over your poems...I am sure they would help you. Hugss M (that's an awful lot to ask of others, in such short notice) |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
I've gone over it hundreds of times. I want ya'll to catch what I missed. Thanks (¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨) |
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Crazy Eddie Member
since 2002-09-14
Posts 178 |
I have to confess I started to read but soon started skipping words, then lines until eventually I became bored and gave up. Sorry. [This message has been edited by Crazy Eddie (03-02-2003 12:56 PM).] |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Ok Kellie..I will read for spelling errors..the punctuation is up to you unless I find something really awkward and of course I won't change words or thoughts or phrasings...so I will be your spellcheck and send it back to you in an email because it is too much space to waste on here.... I have an hours time to sit and read.. M |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
Thank You so much!!!! I am very grateful for all the help!! (¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨) |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
If you can't get someone to read the rest and check for errors let me know..I left off on the one called Teens...all are emailed to you piecemeal, but remember to take out my comments before printing..they are just to let you know a poem was done and if I had any questions about new ones following. Maureen |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Kellie, I took a quick read through some of your poems and i don't think you have yet reached the stage where you could get a book published. This is meant with no disrespect to you personally, it is just that that poetry is not a highly profitable industry at the moment, so poetry has to be of an exceptionally high quality for it get to published. now to the poems themselves....not being cruel just direct. your poems are nice, but a little flat. A reoccuring problem is that you tell the reader instead of showing them. It gives the reader less to explore, try using metaphors and flesh out images, dig deeper than surface layers... "my tears flow" like what? maybe like "the october rains" Don't be afraid to phrase sentences in a unique way. Using cliche phrases is a big turn off when reading poetry. My other advice is read, read, read and the write, write, write and rewrite rewrite rewrite. its the best way to grow as a poet. Keep writing and working on that manuscript. When I am on a pedestal, you did not raise me there Your laws do not compel me to kneel grotesque and bare. Leonard Cohen |
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Barbara Trautman Member
since 2002-10-23
Posts 90 |
Too much to read. Why not post it in sections so boredom doesn't set in? Barb |
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