Reflections on passed colors

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Critical Analysis #2

Reflections on passed colors

Streen
Member

since 2001-11-28

Posts 169

0 posted 2003-02-23 03:15 PM

Reflections on passed colors

Then, yellow leaves swayed playfully
(and soared over a green mountain of ivy)
through red-and-pink-budded trees
with brown branches that shook up

and down and even grew blue into the sky,
capturing foreverness in the smiling grasp
of a smiling boy aquainted with timelessness and
(who did not yet have the dulled-eye

of a world other than a world where
leaping and falling hair hugs the white clouds,
where sounds (are silenced by the sight of
an opening purple flower and) speak in melodies.)

because life was not of gray streets for him,
he could not think of aging buds curled.
(For the birds stop singing when brown to black
but the fog rejoices when wood to grain.)

Then, the little boy could not see of dull things
and not of passing time and wilting rocks
(for stones are only good for skipping blue ripples,)
(and I see now) how sad it is for the colors to pass.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

1 posted 2003-02-26 01:22 AM

Far too many parentheses...can hardly stand to read it...but I'll come back later and wade through them..lol..

jenn21e
Junior Member

since 2003-02-11

Posts 10

2 posted 2003-02-26 02:26 PM

an interestinig poem...i enjoyed the vivid imagery in the first stanza...but, i can not handle all the parentheses...

~jenn

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

3 posted 2003-03-02 07:55 AM

I like it, and really don't mind the parentheses.. but the stanza's seem to be seperated only for the purpose of keeping them seperated. and you start out now stanza's with 'because' ..I think if you didn't have a specific number of lines to each stanza but seperated them at a sentence end it would be much smoother.

Thats my two cents, for what its worth.
Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

Poetic_angel
Junior Member

since 2003-03-02

Posts 10

4 posted 2003-03-02 05:37 PM

Ever see American Idol's Simon critique someone well this is going to be simaller

Good imagination but that is it.too many brakets!!!!get rid of them!!!!!!

Poetic_angel
Junior Member

since 2003-03-02

Posts 10

5 posted 2003-03-02 05:40 PM

way too many brackets!!!!!!!get them gone!:@

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