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Critical Analysis #2

First Draft

Gamree
Junior Member

since 2003-01-29

Posts 10

0 posted 2003-01-29 09:52 AM

I knew a man who crouched and crept
Among the glistening fern
And in his mind a trembling scar
was etched on his return

I see him now down in the park
Among the grass and leaves
He stands along the summer path
And listens to the breeze

He talks with those who listen
Who stop and stand and wait
With tired arms and crooked lips
He tells them of his fate

His face is full of sour flavour
Crackling as he laughs
But in his deep and hungry eyes
A vital cord has snapped

There's talk of him now in the town
Of hero, thief or son
But not a one will breathe his name
Or speak to what he's done

Crazy Eddie
Member

since 2002-09-14

Posts 178

1 posted 2003-02-02 09:27 AM

Is this about a Vietnam veteran?

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2003-02-02 12:41 PM

An interesting start but needs more information. The last stanza, although good in its own right, doesn't follow from the preceding. We don't need to know specifically what he might have done but we at least need some hints.

JMHO,
Pete

BTW, welcome to the forum. Please check the guidelines when you have a minute or two.

Gamree
Junior Member

since 2003-01-29

Posts 10

3 posted 2003-02-03 01:25 PM

Thanks for the comments.

I liked the mystery of not knowing what he'd done...as for Vietnam, he certainly could be a vet. Could be any war, or any expedition, etc.

But maybe you're right about the last stanza.

Barbara Trautman
Member

since 2002-10-23

Posts 90

4 posted 2003-02-04 09:39 PM

He could be schizophrenic not able to communicate with real humans. Hearing voices and phantom people may be what is shaping his behavior. We see more and more of his kind and worse on the streets these days. Putting myself in his place, I wonder what I would want from the rest of the population. Not able to help myself, would they help me? I doubt it. Interesting piece of writing though. Makes us all think. Barb

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