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Only There
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Only There |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought 
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Muscles ache and joints Crack loudly as bending down. It hurts to move, And even the simple blink And breath Bring convulsions and fear. Lay down but never sleep. As an omniscient being, Only there. Watch the rise, the setting, And see the story take place; While lying down. All because the wrench, The twinge, The gasp expressed As breaths are taken.. Overbear the mind And exclude all else. Brace, And breathe again. Blink.. Move.. Hear the joints crack again. Like an old man.. Like a dying citizen… But you… No, I.. I feel this. And now, I’ll take another breath; You’ll hear it, Over the crack of my joints. - And so it was that time stood still - |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
posted this in open forum but wanted to see it critiqued.. so have at it! Always, Alyssa  - And so it was that time stood still - |
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abba56 New Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 5Mn |
I thought the first and last stanzas were really good. But I think the stanzas in between were a little fragmented. I found it a little difficult to follow. Probably just me....too early in the morning and only one cup of java down. LOL |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
thank you! And lol ..I write it while half asleep too, thats when I write everything  Happy new Year! Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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