Love and destruction - pipTalk Forums

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alex m
Junior Member

since 2002-08-27

Posts 12

0 posted 2002-12-03 11:23 PM

already posted this in teen poetry but i think i can make this poem better so ill come here to try to work out the kinks in it...lets hope theres something left after weve done that

Love and seduction
Death and destruction
pain and anguish
a prayer and a wish

I only mourn for one thing
its nothing that I've lost
it's that I'm never trying
no bridges have i crossed
i mourn that i have no courage no will power and no strength
there's a million things to discourage
me from doing what i think
i mourn that i cant ask
that question on my mind
it isn't to hard a task
but when it comes to speech I'm blind
i mourn that I'm not good enough
not worthy to even hear you
I've learned that life is rough
I just want to be near you
I only look for one thing
but i can never find it
think not I'm falsely glorifying
the beauty as i see it
no thing compares
no ideas no thoughts
and do i dare
compare the kettle to the pot
like the sun on my face
the moon when its full
like the apple and its taste
as sweet but not so dull
as beautiful as the rose
no thorns included
in beauty you the most
as i have concluded
your skin as soft as snow
without its cold bite
how long i could hold you close
and weather the storm throughout the night
your mind as sharp as a tack
its equal to your beauty
there's nothing that you lack
how thats possible still eludes me
but do you notice me
do you have a clue
do you ever see me
when my eyes are on you
do you know how i feel
when i see you in a class
like I'm in a world unreal
how i wish forever it would last

I only want for one thing
to be with you forever
to hear the angles sing
a right righteous endevour
to see your eyes burning bright
to hear your wonderful laugh
to see all the glory and the light
i wish forever it would last
like music to my ears
so joyously exquisite
makes my eyes swell with tears
Like an angel come to visit

I only covet one thing
its the thing I've never had
i only covet one thing
something everyone wishes they had
i only covet one thing
its what i need the most
i only covet one thing
if i had it it'd be quite a boast
i only covet one thing
merely seeing you gives me life
i only covet one thing
everything would be all right

Avis
Junior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 38
Raleigh, NC, USA

1 posted 2002-12-04 12:02 PM

I enjoyed this poem allot actually, and I like the message that it gives. I would first suggest to insert some puntuation into your poetry so the reader will know when to pause, when to fade out, etc. It might help the life of the poem and get you a more desired effect. Good work!

Peace and Love,
~KEV~

"An eye for an eye only leads to more blindness."
~Margaret Atwood

alex m
Junior Member

since 2002-08-27

Posts 12

2 posted 2002-12-05 05:22 AM

hmm....since i have really never learned anything about writing poetry i really dont know how to do that..could you give me an example?

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