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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Shattered
Critical Analysis #2
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Epicrean
Junior Member
since 2002-11-17
Posts 16
0 posted 2002-11-17 10:43 PM

Shattered

Sitting in the pale moonlight
Knowing it is true
There is no use in reaching for you
Wandering through all my aimless aisle
Searching all the while
Through all my immortal thoughts I dwell
Now that it is true
Heart of glass
Our love has passed
Time to get over
All the Shattered glass

Epicrean
© Copyright 2002 Epicrean - All Rights Reserved
Radrook
Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648
1 posted 2002-11-18 04:41 PM


The poem can be improved in the following way:

1. Remove the forced capitalization with each new line.

2. Use punctuation.


3. Use internal rime instead of end rhyme.


4. Remove unnecessary words such as some prepositions and conjunctions.


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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Shattered

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