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Critical Analysis #2
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Conformity Sublime
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Conformity Sublime |
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Newpoet Member
since 2008-05-16
Posts 72 |
Subliminal messages of the Rubik’s Cube, The unhealthy addiction to YouTube, Videogames absorb one’s mind, More cash for more of one’s time, Ads scream a false sublime, Emptiness is all you’ll find. Fashion trends live today, Death by consumption is the only way, Forget your troubles, Buy some shoes, Spend more money to cure your blues! Television politicians share your pain, Oil companies have much to gain. Politics of the polls consensus, Forget free thought and be pretentious, Biased thoughts help one to lose, Watch high-rated Fox News! A country progresses on excessive fear, The vision of humanity is unclear. Self-discipline was forgotten in the past, How much longer will procrastination last? Eat at McDonald’s every day, Cardiac arrest is on its way. Become as beautiful as the teenage queen, A false reality of magazines. Public education is always suppressed, Ignorance is very well dressed. Obey magical, linguistic creatures, The deceiving world hides its features, Slaves of society follow a thoughtless time. MySpace seeped into my unconscious mind. I forgot to experience the moments of life, I was very busy buying an infomercial knife, My mind is injected with doses of greed, Buy, Buy, Buy! Need, Need, Need! |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Well, okay. I want to argue that the morality is a little overdone here, but I read a short story a couple of weeks ago that touched on the same thing and it was great. Some suggestions: 1. drop the rhyme 2. concentrate on one idea here 3. focus on the nature of seduction itself with concrete imagery, its positive and negative aspects Sorry, just some quick thoughts, early in the morning |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Hi Newpoet , You seem to have a need to rhyme, so don’t give up on rhyme just yet. There are many things to learn about rhyme. There are so many types of rhyme and rhyme schemes. I can think of 20 just to start. I think it was Shakespeare that said, "Dying is easy writing rhyme is hard." |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Btw, your poem is a good example of at least three types of rhyme : "Imperfect rhyme, perfect rhyme, and internal rhyme." Did you know that ? Now you do. |
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