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Critical Analysis #2
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LESS THAN ZERO
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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LESS THAN ZERO |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
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People are afraid to merge on the freeways even in the Armani incognito of dream USA. They clot the nightlines, cruising for a fix or a fling. Everyone is heading for the Roxy, The new club that just opened, Afterwards a party at Kim's or is it Christie's Wait, is that tomorrow? Or was that yesterday? Piercing the morning emptiness Drained of skin pigment Bright blue dead eyes wrapped in Gucci sun glasses. This imitation of life given the reality edge in cocaine, helps to deal with families, friends these commodities mean nothing. A voice from another vacuum recalls school yard trips and emotional responses these are someone else's dreams. Not yours, just states of confusion To blank out those awkward silences as eyes peer searching for within your personality one dimension/dementia. A dead romance blooming in the heart of LA, day dream cannibalism, secretly nurse the hole unfilled by materialism. Snuff porn self-prostitution, just the by products of affluence Nihilism made redundant. Maybe I will, head out to the desert, the nightmare is matched there in equal impotency There is a prophecy on the billboard "DISAPPEAR HERE" Maybe I will yet how is it possible when I never did exist? -------------------------- Too early for the rainbow, too early for the dove These are the final days, this is the darkness, this is the flood L cohen [This message has been edited by brian madden (09-16-2002 07:54 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 brian madden - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
 I've still got this one...heh--I PRINTED it, so it survived the Computer Crash. (sorry folks, for that brief interruption) One of my all time faves from you Brian. |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Whoa! This was excellent - me too - printed this one to read a few times, and Brian, thanks for posting it. |
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kelmor New Member
since 2002-09-09
Posts 5 |
Hi, I really enjoyed your poem. There are really only a few tiny little changes I would make to really neaten things up, and these are mainly punctuation editions, so I really don't want those types of comments to tinge my reaction to the piece, which is that it is really great. Within the second stanza, I wish that you would condense the final lines because having "with" and "these" being their own lines doesn't seem to make sense. This imitation of life given the reality edge in cocaine, helps to deal with families, friends these commodities mean nothing. Maybe this would work better: This imitation of life given the reality edge in cocaine helps to deal with families, friends; commodities that mean nothing. Those are such little things, but I think the changes help emphasize words and images that are more important that "with" and "these." In the next stanza, add a semi-colon (or create a new sentence) after responses. I think the last three stanzas are the strongest and most evocative. The closing stnza and image are absolutely fantastic. I think you've done great work, and I hope my boring comments can be somewhat helpful. |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
??? [This message has been edited by Radrook (09-17-2002 03:23 PM).] |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
To Karen and Mysteria, thanks you for your very kind replies. You have just become my favourite critics. LOL kelmor, I agree with your comments. Thank you for your generous words. Radrook, the title is taken from the book by Bret Easton Ellis, upon which this poem is based. Also I think as a title "Nihilism made redundant” gives too much of the theme of the poem away. I was in two minds about including the line, I felt that it might not fit with the tone of the poem. Too much like a slogan, but we are the slogan and add bite generation, so maybe it maybe it fits better than I thought. Anyway leaving the rant. In stanza 1, the word "edit" was placed there by a moderator, I had a curse word complete with "**" in the appropriate place but that was removed. In the lines “Everyone is heading for the Roxy, Then new club that just opened", It should have been “the new club” typo. With the lines "bright blue dead eyes [are] wrapped in Gucci sun glasses. " I did not use "are" to try and break the lines up, create a sort of jumbled narrative, to mirror the state of the speaker. the same with excluding the word "and" "with families, friends." The cocaine is there to fill the void of life, in essence the character's whole life is a commodity. It is the reason why Patrick Bateman murdered people in "American Psycho" also written by B.B Ellis. “A voice from another [nowhere]” I feel vacuum works better, it describes state in which the character lives, nowhere points a place of desolation, nothingness. The Vacuum is worse, in my mind, because it keeps sucking, it is a constants state of emptiness, it is a place, a prison that is in fact everywhere. “The sudden shift to second person singular was a little distracting .” I agree, but I think it works with the tone of the poem. I did not want the speaker to be that philosophical, it goes against his hollow character, at least in my mind. “A dead romance blooming.” Again I feel the fragmentation works in the context of the poem, “found "nurse" too maternal a term for the harsh realities described.” “secretly nurse the hole unfilled by materialism.” I agree, and that was the point, I wanted to show that the speaker’s life is a wound or a sickness, Also to show the speaker’s relationship with his own self destruction. " [Perhaps: "cruel byproducts" "devastating byproducts" "damaging byproducts" "abominable byproducts" or perhaps "afflicting byproducts" might give the line more punch.]" I don't want to be too judgemental, besides "byproducts" is a clinical word, the speaker knows that "Snuff porn self-prostitution," are by products of his life but he does not have complete disgust for them. So I think that words that damn these parts of his lifestyle would contract his character. "Nihilism made redundant". As I mentioned earlier I wasn't going to include it. As for the issue of "third-person" the poem is a monologue, I understand your point, I toyed with removing the first person references but I feel it would weaken the line "Maybe I will yet how is it possible when I never did exist?" Maybe if I put those lines in quoation marks. I know I seemed to disagree with everything that you just suggested, but I do value your thoughts on this poem and your ability as a critic. Too early for the rainbow, too early for the dove These are the final days, this is the darkness, this is the flood |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brian: I read the poem this weekend and wanted to give myself some time to think on it. I agree with you that the title gives too much away too soon. The words that came to my mind while I was reading the poem were the old French queen's words before she was led to the guillotine ... "Nothing tastes". Nihilism has been an interest of mine for some time now (although I do not believe I am a nihilist), and from what I read, I think you did a fine job of illustrating "practical nihilism" for us ... the absurdity of the escape impulse and the lack of fulfillment in the attempt to escape. A few lines I found particularly interesting ... the voices from the "vacuum", for example. The denial of fulfillment in friendships and family tends to be more of an intellectual exercise than the meaninglessness discovered during the attempt to escape. In fact, the impulse of escape is the very thing that prevents the nihilist from discovering "meaning" (or more accurately, I think, prevents "meaning" from discovering the nihilist). At the very least, a nihilist should be able to find meaning in football ... unless, of course, you happen to be a Redskins fan.  A very well done development of the theme, Brian. I enjoyed the read. Jim |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Hi Jim, Thanks for your reply. I like that quote, an interesting way to describe ones impending death. SOrry I had to laugh at this part of your reply, "although I do not believe I am a nihilist" I made me think, if a nihilist believes in nothing then how can he believe he is a nihilist. Just the sad ironies that my brain seems to pick up on. "the impulse of escape is the very thing that prevents the nihilist from discovering "meaning" if I was more well read on philosophy then prehaps I could argue the point, a person obviously has to have some belief system. It adds structure and helps define a person. My knowledge on nihilism is limited. I knew its context in terms of the poem, but its greater details or lack of are unknown to me. It reminds me of a lyric from a song "i know I believe in nothing but it is my nothing." The point of the line "Nihilism made redundant" is that the speaker does not even have that conviction. Too early for the rainbow, too early for the dove These are the final days, this is the darkness, this is the flood |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brian: The only nihilists I've spent any time reading were Sartre and Camus. I found Sartre's writings a little dull (although he has a book of plays with some entertaining stuff). Camus didn't consider himself a nihilist but, rather an "Absurdist" ... rather than asserting "nothing exists", Camus was more likely to say "everything that exists is absurd" or, basically lacks meaning that would give it any purpose in life. Camus also wrote some excellent essays compiled in "Resistance, Rebellion and Death" ... a must for your bookshelf, IMHO. Of course, Camus' political activism didn't quite jive with his philosophical position ... but it is an interesting philosophy. Then again, who of us can claim to live consistently with our world view? Thanks again for the read, Brian. Jim |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Brian, I haven't said anything about this one because, quite frankly, it is beyond my simple intellect. I like the sound of it and it obviously flows very smoothly but I really don't get much from it otherwise. Sorry for my failure. I'm obviously in the minority here. I'll do better next time. Thanks, Pete |
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YeshuJah Member
since 2002-08-20
Posts 65FL USA |
I have no crits for this well and obviously well thought out poem. It is, I think, a sad commentary of life in these United States, one which our commercial titans are all falling over themselves to export to every place on earth-- a frightening prospect if ever there was one. Thanks for the sobering read. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
sigh...Brian? I think they had to know and love and LIVE the book to understand. I did. For those who didn't? Brett Easton, of course....everything in here, is a bank-shot of a long-shot while wiping the snivel of cocaine with pool chalk...grin...kind of a poem in itself, eh, Brian? Still love it...and I won't even type what I was about to about Hemingway...nope. I won't. grin..."Down, FINGERS, down...BAD digits!!!!" This is what happens in unleashed decadence...and? hey...sorry, but I DO happen t'know...sigh..believe me..I'm SORRY.  still a great poem, luv.  [This message has been edited by serenity blaze (09-18-2002 04:48 PM).] |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
What have I done to deserve such generous and kind hearted replies. I am still my usual grating self. We better be careful or CA will become as polite as Open and the other forums. LOL I am waiting for Kamla to appear and set the tone right lol. Pete, no failure, and enough with the "simple intellect" comment. Poetry is hit and miss with everyone, there will never be a poem whereone will see the same thing or get the same thing from it. Some poems I don't either, but the important thing is the pleasure from reading poetry. THanks for your comments. YeshuJah, agreed. MY brother has agrued about the virtues of capitalism with me, but it has alot of flaws. Karen, Ellis is good to cutting through the American dream, "American psycho" is a far more effective read, if you can stomach it...the book, not the movie. I have never Hemingway, but I know about trying to drown sorrows in alcohol. Again thanks for reading and commenting. Too early for the rainbow, too early for the dove These are the final days, this is the darkness, this is the flood |
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