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Critical Analysis #2
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Rinse Repeat
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Rinse Repeat |
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Bill Shirnberg Member
since 2007-10-28
Posts 50USA AOK |
A mountain was hope on the plain of despair when I got to the top nobody was there so what says's the devil so what do you care says I you know better just like always it's dare |
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| © Copyright 2008 Bill Shirnberg - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Bill, I like your ditty . |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Me, too.  |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear Bill, I think it moves well, but that you have trouble bringing it home in the last line. Where the last line should make everything snap together, here it allows the poem to diffuse. Getting to the last line, however, was artful on your part. Sincerely, BobK. |
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Bill Shirnberg Member
since 2007-10-28
Posts 50USA AOK |
Well I did originally finish it with M F'r it's dare and it does have a nicer rhythm but A little to crud for my taste even though an appropriate label for the prince of darkness ya I'd say all around a better finish but I didn't want to go there here |
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