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Critical Analysis #2
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Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

0 posted 2008-06-07 04:45 AM



Around us these others cannot see the city
through the lower leaves of a ginkgo tree:

The skyscrapers, the temples, the pond
between it and them. Their jungle

is filled with excuses ―
a scandal, a mask, a palimpsest.

I use a metaphor and Jin hears
imperative ― something about a following power

too close to the surface.
A cup of coffee warming her hands,

my woman watches the light hit a wall-mart window
and sighs, entrapped.

Another in a pink skirt crosses the street,
arms crossed, and waits for an itinerant taxi.

They want or need to have
a scandal, a mask, a palimpsest.

The taxi arrives, it distracts me:
He was famous for keeping his wood

and I was not.
No breaking the strip, it's a permanent

rubber band among the pneumatized.
No more excuses:

I don't know if you love me or not,
but love happens in a city or in a wood ―

even with icicles on your breath
underneath a ginkgo tree.

© Copyright 2008 Brad - All Rights Reserved
beautyincalvary
Member
since 2006-07-13
Posts 98

1 posted 2008-06-07 02:41 PM


even with icicles on your breath
underneath a ginkgo tree.


This line is fantastic.

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
2 posted 2008-06-07 08:15 PM


The meaning escapes me but I like the flow of the lines..

I'm wondering...was the misspelling of wal-mart intentional to utilize the word wall in some way?

Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
3 posted 2008-06-08 05:13 AM


Hi There, this is stunning imagery, the lines are as smooth as silk. Beautiful work, really beautiful
Love and warm stuff
as always
Mushy
x x x x x

Tomorrow is another day I don't know what it holds
but I can face the future with courage brave and bold

Footprints In My Heart
Kethry

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
4 posted 2008-06-08 06:50 PM


bc,

Thanks, I kinda liked those lines too.

Marsha,

Much appreciated.

Mike,

Yes. I think there's a Wal-mart in Seoul (or someone ripping off the name), but there isn't one on the island (at least on my side). I was trying to get across the whole idea of open constrictedness or to borrow a 'Living Color' line:

"Everything is possible but nothing is real."

oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
5 posted 2008-06-18 09:31 PM


Hi Brad:  A wonderful play on not being able to see the forest for the trees, both physical and metaphysical.  And there are spectacular lines:

"He was famous for keeping his wood

and I was not."

It's the heart of the poem for me, and the allusion is highly complex.  Anyone who would try to understand this poem would have to IMAO, understand both the practical and metaphysical implications of "keeping one's wood."  They are not random words, have a historical background and meaning, and I can't think off hand of a  more melancholy or self-abnegating statement.

I'd look at some of the adjectives -- but then, that's old anti-adjectival me.

Much, much, much to appreciate in terms of construction and impact!  Woke me up!

Best, Jimbeaux

Bill Shirnberg
Member
since 2007-10-28
Posts 50
USA AOK
6 posted 2008-06-21 02:52 AM


I wish I had some gift with imagery it's not my strong suite
Stephanos
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618
Statesboro, GA, USA
7 posted 2008-06-21 09:32 PM


quote:
Anyone who would try to understand this poem would have to IMAO, understand both the practical and metaphysical implications of "keeping one's wood."  They are not random words, have a historical background and meaning, and I can't think off hand of a  more melancholy or self-abnegating statement.


Okay, so what's behind "keeping one's wood"?  I'm drawing either a blank, or to much.  

Stephen

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

8 posted 2008-06-21 09:37 PM


*chuckling*
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
9 posted 2008-06-22 02:44 PM


“ Okay, so what's behind "keeping one's wood"? I'm drawing either a blank, or to much. “

Brad, I looked at all 35 definitions of  wood  in the dictionary and came up with a blank.

So, I did a little Kentucky wind age and remembered :

After world war two gasoline was gold plated in Japan ( seems like today ) so they made

steam engine’s out of their automobiles, using wood, and of course some became taxis.

I’m pretty sure I remember it said at that time by an itinerant taxi driver “ Keeping his

wood “

Or it could mean some other thing.

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
10 posted 2008-06-22 10:10 PM


I did a quick check. No, it's not in the dictionary. Why is it not in the dictionary?

Japan has the largest pornography industry in the world (last time I checked). 'Wood' is a term used in that industry (American, I don't know what they say in Japan.)


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

11 posted 2008-06-22 11:02 PM


ahem
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/wood

See definition number 7.

Guys? I do believe you've got "wood".



(Karen exits, muttering, "why must they always make me find it???" )

UNBELIEVABLE and icicles my arse...

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
12 posted 2008-06-23 09:53 AM


“ Japan has the largest pornography industry in the world ”

And I thought that driver was talking about wood for his boiler ; when he was thinking

about, hay for his donkey.



oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
13 posted 2008-06-23 12:44 PM


Try looking under "woodlot." Or narrow it down to "keeping a woodlot."

The metaphor "he was known for keeping his wood" then makes sense.  A question to ask: is this the work of an adolescent, an accidental unintended pun, or a sharp cookie with a literary and cultural background?

Best, Jimbeaux


oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
14 posted 2008-06-23 01:46 PM


Or, consider this for palimpsest:  An object, place, or area that reflects its history... along with the sense of palimpsest as a code, map, or "answer" hidden beneath a later manuscript.  That's metaphor.  The word is used twice.  Is that a hint?  What else might palimpsest mean?  Given the commas in the line, is it different from a scandal or mask.  Are these three thoughts, or one thought with three expressions?

Or this:  how does the poem get from a "ginko tree" to "icicles?  Is this random, or related to the tree/woodlot imagery?  

What else in the poem is icy or cold?  Physically? Metaphorically?

There's a valid notion that a poem is what it is, and what a reader makes of it is just that.  Is a poem more appreciable if one can make more of it with a little application of thought?  With a little recognition of the thinking behind it?

Best, Jimbeaux  



chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
15 posted 2008-06-23 03:58 PM


“A question to ask: is this the work of a sharp cookie with a literary and cultural background?”

Ocean, the rube-ster don’t know about all that ; but  I think he is a smart cookie

with a heck of a resume. But I have to pull it up short of cultural as I don’t believe

pornography works with a cultural background . But, I will give him literary as he writes  

some fine poems.


oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
16 posted 2008-06-23 08:43 PM


Another question:  Who are the "others" in the poem?  How is their isolation different from the lovers?

The "Rube-ster" I am so happy you used this name by yourself for yourself.  If I happen to use it, I hope you've given it to everyone.

Best, Jaime.    

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
17 posted 2008-06-23 09:32 PM


The "Rube-ster"

It’s in the public domain .

Anyhow, you can’t copyright a title .

Btw, I gave it to everybody but a few people in California who didn't qualify.

Gabe
Junior Member
since 2008-08-05
Posts 17

18 posted 2008-08-14 09:21 AM


Brad,

I read your reply in Kellie’s poem and thought something you might write would be challenging.  You didn’t disappoint.

Your word choice is excellent.  “a scandal, a mask, a palimpsest” – scandal = gossip (probably half-truth), mask = deception of some kind, and palimpsest = a covering something up in the way you might erase a chalkboard, still be able to make out fragments of the old words, and then writing something else over it.  You repeat these words so I suspect they are important to the reading of the poem.  They all seem to suggest ways in which we change the way we perceive or remember things or parts of our identity or past we choose to hold onto.

Not being able to see the city through the lower leaves of the ginkgo tree appears to be a metaphor for those choosing to live in a small world.  Maybe this is even the metaphor “Jin hears” but I am probably wrong about that one.

I like the way you move from being introspective to anchored in your surroundings, assuming you are the speaker.  The cup of coffee and taxi are familiar, concrete objects that seem to be embedded nicely in “icicles”.  I do wonder whether the entrapment of “your woman” explains the need for embellishment (scandals, masks, and palimpsests).

I can’t be sure about your use of “pneumatized.”  I had to look it up but the way you use the word suggests a less common definition.  My best guess is that “among the pneumatized” is a different way of saying “among the spirits of the dead” or maybe phantom memories.  If this is right, then “keeping his wood” would probably indicate some form of conservatism or holding on to old ways.

I thought the last four lines were great.  You reorient the reader from considering the tension between old and new to something far more transcendent.  I’m left wondering what “icicles” are.  Maybe complaints about others’ preoccupations with scandals/masks/palimpsests or maybe she is caught up in the obsession with scandals/masks/palimpsests herself?  Either way, love happens.

I hope this is useful to you.  I apologize for not being able to offer anything more than my impressions.  Your technical skill is obviously greater than mine.  

G

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