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Critical Analysis #2
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The bash
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The bash |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Mr. Crocodile wanted to have a bash He ask Mr. frog to cook some Cajun hash. A couple lazy hound dogs would be the band, and he wanted the bash to be really grand. So he invited all the friends that he knew, A fox and a turkey just to name a few. Then he picked a good spot way down by the lake He ask Mrs. crocodile to bake a cake. The gang was starting to really have some fun, When up walked a hunter with a big long gun. Mr. crocodile ask,sir why are you here? Oh, I have come to shoot the man eating deer. Mr. crocodile is a cagey old coot. He told the hunter the very best place to shoot. He told him to go down real close to the lake. He winked at his lady she was baking that cake. Go close to the water right up to the edge. That's the best place to shoot, I give you my pledge. The rest of the story should be no mystery. That is one dumb hunter that is now history. To this very day I have a great big smile, to see a bull frog dance with a crocodile [This message has been edited by chopsticks (02-26-2008 07:29 PM).] |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
My dear Chops, what a fun to read. After everyone revised your other poem, I thought that I should give a shot too. No....I am not good enough. But I have been thinking for the last two days about copy down (?) your poems and read to children. Now, I am just so pleased to read this. clever and an open ending. Very good sir. A big Thank you!!!  |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Chopsticks It reads like you’re counting the syllables and ignoring the tune. Here’s a version concentrating on the tune and ignoring the syllable count: Old Mr. Croc, who wanted a bash, Asked master froggy to cook cajun hash, Two lazy hounds were lined up for the band To make the gig grander than grand. Do you hear the difference? |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
"Do you hear the difference?" I do and I'm sorry you caught me, but thank you. |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Because it was couplet and in similar length, and rhyme so it can not be considered as free verse? and have to have iambic(or other formed) feet? |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Tom, I was counting syllables and gave no though to meter. Maybe the next poem I will try for both.. Thank you for your reply. We can always depend on you , and that’s good to know. |
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