Meeting a friend on the street is a victimless crime

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Critical Analysis #2

Meeting a friend on the street is a victimless crime

b.costen
Member

since 2003-11-02

Posts 107
ontario, CAN

0 posted 2007-11-08 02:13 PM

the lonely’s lives are dictated by a series of isolated meetings that do not satisfy the desire for loving affection from a special person that understands them and needs them back
its why we love music and do not know what each note means
the instruments we do know are too young to understand properly
but the letters on the strings join in the physics experience of life
the tangible music combines with the invisible soul
the mind plays the guitar and the fingers stroke at her like a woman whose skin you pay attention to with subtle touches and creative physical moments
i spent a whole hour on the rim of bone that surrounds my lover’s eye once
just examining it and touching it – stroking it softly and learning about it
letting my hand communicate the dimensions of it to heart
so then when she is away from me i can feel her soft eyebrow fur against the tips of my fingers
and the soft arche of her brow lets me remember her incredible beauty
and her willingness to comfort me by allowing me those beautiful physical moments with her
and yearns for her butterfly inside me and bellow into large billowous clouds of pleasant soft passion that must quench the desire (that is always breeding) in her, too

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2007-11-24 05:13 PM

Okay, we've got a rough draft here. You may have worked on it a long time, you may want it to sound 'rough', but my advice is going to remain the same:

Write a second draft. Nice moments here but stifled by too many words.

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