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A Flight of Fancy
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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A Flight of Fancy |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Come, come nestle next to me and be daring, my dove-- woo me with whimsical words to the music of Spring and with fledgling feathers I will span my wings in flight to our secret rendezvous and coo~coo~coo just for you. caterina 30/03/02 |
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| © Copyright 2002 Carol Jane Bleichert - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Lovely and gentle. No wordpecks from me. |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Again you impress me with your poetic ability! I thoroughly enjoyed this poem's portrayal of a common human desire for moments of tenderness of which the human spirit is very often deprived but for which it craves. For me a great part of this poem's charm is derived from the inner music it weaves via alliteration and assonance. I commend you for your skillful use of alliteration and assonance which adds significantly to the poem's inherent charm. The S's and W's" in the third and fourth line are excellent examples of this latter melodic quality. Question: Is the speaker being portrayed as male or female? At first, I assumed that the speaker was a male because the other is called a "dove"--a term of endearment which males traditionally use toward females. But then I wasn't so sure because the speaker requested to be "wooed." Since wooing is traditionally considered a male activity--the speaker requesting to be wooed then came across as female . Apart from this slight distraction due to a seeming contradiction, I consider the poem perfect! God bless! [This message has been edited by Radrook (08-30-2002 09:27 PM).] |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Thanks Essorant, I'm glad you liked it. caterina |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Hi Radrook, The voice is female and she is taunting him. I felt that the word "daring" would help to claify that. I am seeing him sitting on the wire with his head nestled in his wing (like you often see doves do) and she comes along and dares him to "come, come and play." If this doesn't come through then it has to be clarified, any suggestions? Another thing that I was concerned with was the 2nd line, it sounded kind of awkward as is. I was wondering if the following would sound better Come, come nestle next to me be daring this day, my dove-- That line now seems to flow better, would you agree? caterina |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Hi Caterina! Caterina asked: If this doesn't come through then it has to be clarified, any suggestions? Response: Well, Caterina, I suppose that just because the unequivocal femaleness of the portrayed speaker did not register through my thick skull doesn't mean that it won't penetrate through more moderate cranial dimensions. LOL As you know, poetry reading is a subjective experience and this inevitable subjectivity invariably causes differences in reader perception. So I guess we will have to wait and see what others on this forum say. : ) About the line-change you are considering, I scanned the poem several times and find it rhythmically pleasing in its present form. But I tried the following first-line variation for your consideration and evaluation. Come, come nestle next to me. Be daring my dove! The removal of the conjunction "and" intensifies the urgency of the speaker's request by increasing the alliterative proximity of the explosive consonant "D" in "daring" and "dove." But since it is a teasing quality you are seeking to convey, I hesitate to recommend this slight change due to the more serious tone it introduces. God bless! [This message has been edited by Radrook (08-31-2002 12:48 PM).] |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Well Rad, it looks like it's just you and me on this one so I want to say thankyou for your help with the areas that bothered me. I like your suggestion of removing the "and" and going with "be daring my dove." And actually, it is an obvious solution which I should have noticed myself but failed to. And, I would rather lose the one word as opposed to adding more. Again thankyou and I'm glad you liked it. caterina |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello Caterina, Better late than never  "Come, come nestle next to me and be daring, my dove--" Honestly in my opinion the repetion of "come" didn't really work for me. I also like Radrooks suggestion for eliminating the comma and hyphones at the end. "woo me with whimsical words to the music of Spring" I dunno Caterina, in my opinion these lines seem too vague to have any impact on me. I know you were probably going for a minimalistic feel to the poem but I still think some more descriptive words could be used to bring about some deeper meaning and imagery. "and with fledgling feathers I will span my wings in flight" Again this section seems to lack colour and feeling. "to our secret rendezvous and coo~coo~coo just for you." I don't mean this in a nasty way but I can't help but think of "cuckoo" from the last lines reptition of "coo". The only real suggestion I have is to expand on the whole thing. In my opinion this isn't one of your stronger offerings, in fact to be completely honest I think this is the weakest of the poems I've read by you. I'm guessing you were going for a short and sweet poem but like I said, I think you should consider either expanding on it or add more depth to the existing lines. Hey, ya can't please everyone It's only my opinion. Thanks for the read.Trevor |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Hi Trevor, It's a lighthearted poem and I feel the repetition needs to be there to give it that playful, springtime feeling. It was not my intention to have a deeper meaning nor to overdo it with imagery. With these few lines I was aiming for just enough alliteration and images to make it flow musically off the tongue... just a "feel good" kind of poem. You thought of cuckoo when I said ~coo~coo~.... how could you? I didn't say "come nestle next to me, be daring my cuckoo" I said dove and we all know that doves ~coo~coo~coo. Gotcha! I'm going to stand my ground on this one Trevor-- it stays as is, aside from some small suggestions. And I don't mind that you think of it as one of my weakest... I also know that I can't please everyone. Thanks for the crit Trevor, I appreciate it. caterina |
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