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It
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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It |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
It comes. It crawls. It moves forward With intensity. It's unstoppable momentum On four limbs, each one bearing the weight like a battalion of Shermans in battle. I, in a chair with no arms, no legs, Feel paralyzed ― the transition From seeing the world in bi-polar eyes To a multi-valence, a loss of meaning? Perhaps, perhaps not. Perhaps No war will be fought today ― My positioning and stationing, A necessary and dreaded exercise, like an American nuclear aircraft group, The Eisenhower's or the Reagan's. It seems too early for such a move. It comes with a singular purpose, Never stopping, never distracted, A half-smile or is it even that? It's so hard to determine The intent of something that does not Communicate in the habits and conventions Of my father or my father-in-law, A will that in some unfathomable way Still makes wishes known Clearly, audibly, and without meter. He grabs my arm and pulls himself up, Raises a leg as if to saddle a horse, Or declare a territory, he climbs on board, Lays his head gently on my chest. With my arms around him, he, and I, Fall asleep, the inexorable it. [This message has been edited by Brad (09-17-2007 11:38 PM).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"without meter" I really liked that part. *wink* Seriously though, I do believe that not only did I understand this poem, I love it. The slow descriptive revelation is awesome. Those first two lines I nearly heard that old "Jaws" music.  And since you already know I don't address meter beyond the use of language that denotes a natural ear like "something is off", I do believe I can say that I found that nothing was "off"--this poem is delightful, Brad, and you are always at your best when you write from a place of emotional familiarity. Some favorite lines: "No war will be fought today ¯" reminiscent of Hemingway to me.  And no, no wars, but that last stanza is your coup de grace!You summed up the indescribable "it"-- continuity! The picture of you and your son as one, after the mention of your father and father-in-law left me smiling in appreciation, like watching someone throw DNA as a boomerang and catching it gracefully. Much enjoyed. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Much appreciated. "Jaws", eh? Hmmm, I was shooting for a B movie thing. Is "Jaws" a B movie? quote: Well, the closer it hits me (safety reflex?), the more I tone it down a bit -- though I'm still waiting for attacks on my metaphysical excursion and the military metaphors. Still, while I'm happy with it right now, I still have the feeling I rushed it. Earlier drafts had allusions to Rikki Tikki Tavi and Fruedian/Morrison undertones (though you might argue some of that is still there). For all I know, I'll end up putting all those back and more. PS I know you were curious about the 'edited' sign there. Just a little tweaking. In a very real sense, I don't think a poem is ever finished. You just stop revising and write a new one. I think Dylan Thomas said something like that somewhere. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
quote: It wasn't then--but it is, now. Consider that a commentary on the flux of the collective agreement of "what is art"? (Ed Wood's stuff was B movie then and is now "art"--so there is hope for me yet, eh?) I'm hearing that music again... ---------zip! ciao!  |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
I figured it must be about your son. At first I didn't like the reference of "it", seemingly inappropriate to that relationship. But I sense (now) more humor than I detected in my first read. I enjoyed the way the ending cast light on the beginning. Stephen |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Brad: These lines alone are woth the price of admission: It's so hard to determine The intent of something that does not Communicate in the habits and conventions Of my father or my father-in-law, A will that in some unfathomable way Still makes wishes known Clearly, audibly, and without meter. Apparently, "it" do not communicate in the habits and conventions of you or me either. Fortunately, most of the "it's" wishes boil down to "Feed me, Seymour, Change My Diaper, Wake up, dammit," or "Gimme dat." It gets more inscrutable later, when sullen teenagers communicate by locking themselves in their rooms for days, and expect us to figure it out. Apt similies and metaphors! Great ending! Best, Jim |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: Unless I screwed it up, the 'it' never refers to my son, but always something else that is never quite my son (mostly sleep of course). I really did spend time checking this. On the other hand, I might not have done that as explicitly as I should have -- let me know if you think the ambiguity is too strong or not strong enough. While it's definitely not laugh-out-loud funny, I was shooting for a light touch. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: Yes, but we often 'see' more. quote: And so we have more fodder for poetry. Imagine poems with titles like "You don't see me," (Yeah, I know, you're in your room) or "You don't see the real me" (But I have a picture of you when you were young). LOL. But I really do dread those coming years. Anyway we can just skip them -- artificial memory implants or something like that? |
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beautyincalvary Member
since 2006-07-13
Posts 98 |
As I am in "those" years (the dreadful ones), there are good parts and bad parts. But I think teenagers are played up. Rarely ever am I blasting punk music in my room (actually more like oldies/rock n' roll/musicals) avoiding my family, but more likely I am in my room doing homework. Sure, I fight with my parents, but I think my parents are fairly content with me (and my siblings) as being responsible teenagers. Don't dread it too much |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
A good point. |
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