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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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DISCOMBOBULATION |
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rockbabe Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 105 |
The Look in your Eyes The Feel of your Touch Since our conjunction you have Infested my being with Contentment. How will I Resist you? Do I even Want to? The Danger that comes with your passion Confuses me. Your need to Be with me… The Illusion of Sincerity,shines through your every Movement. Do I make you Nervous? Have I made you Nervous? Your feeling of Addiction to be in my presence, are you Confused? Where you under the impression that you were the Creator of Rules? It appears that you have been Caught off Guard. You have been Captured in Your Web of Deceit. |
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| © Copyright 2007 rockbabe - All Rights Reserved | |||
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi, Rockbabe: This is close to you at your best, and a good job. You seem to get a little caught up in your head when the poem is clearly from your heart, but then, we all do that. I'd look a some of the images with the thought of making them a more powerful expression of YOU, not what you've heard before. Advance with courage! Best, Jim |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
When you capitalize Every Important Word like This, every line reads like a title to something else. I know you are trying to emphasize something important- I personally don't care for it and I often don't even capitalize proper nouns- but if you are going to do that, you might want to limit it some so that only a few very Key Elements are highlighted. Hope this helps. |
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rockbabe Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 105 |
Thanks for the constructive criticism... will make use of it. Yes oceanvu2...I most definitely did get a bit caught up in my head, while writing this one. Hush:- I know what you mean concerning the capatalising of important words..will have a look at that Thanks R |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I would like to see a bit more description maybe about you, and the other person in this |
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