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Eye for an Eye
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Eye for an Eye |
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UseTheIllusion Member
since 2006-02-06
Posts 223In a state of limbo |
“Concentrated criminals result in concentrated criminality.” - “Clockwork Orange” Hear the footsteps clamor down the stone paved hall, Housing victims of circumstance, within the concrete walls, The gaolers are sadistic, to say nothing of the warden, Who tortures and maims out of sheer biting boredom, He cares nothing for the men placed under his care, Jurisdictional boundaries make him a willing player, Trading men for other men as if they were pawns, Passing prisoner’s to-and-fro like they were a basketball, Men will trade their dignity for a carton of smokes, And later be shanked as if life is a joke, There can be no hope in a place like a federal prison, Where the clockwork of daily life represents a failure of the system. Education in the age long code of prison life abounds, Confounded by the instincts honed in hideous cages, Social distinctions shouldn’t come to any ones surprise, As complex as any burgeoning society on the rise, Way’s of dealing with snitches, death and ostracism, Machinations to beat the guards, such an easy division, Trading favors for food, drugs, weapons and “love”, Such is the way of life of a prison sentenced thug, And who can forget the innocents who try to stay afloat, Whose only crime was being alive, Framed for cutting someone’s throat. “As queer as a clockwork orange,” they say, Throwing crumbs into the cage, and then sweeping them away, “Rehabilitation” is mere jargon when weighed against the facts, A holocaust of the spirit, without the ovens and smokestacks, Making license plates and shoveling loads of rocks back and forth, Up and down the hill, much like soldiers constructing a fort, Only the soldiers are building a wall to keep themselves in, And in doing so concentrating their relentless sin. There is no justification for committing any act predatory, Though it is a part of free will, punishment comes with the territory, We live in a society attempting to balance free will, With the politics of morals and ethics eternal, But when an eye for an eye leaves the society blind, Who is the real criminal committing the crime? |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
The meter and such may be wrong, who am I to say . But your poems always are trying to say something, its always trying to mean something. Interesting viewtake on federal prison. Sounds realistic and like a serious problem if the case. Is this something you actually know about or..? Curious. I love the last stanzas they were the strong bit of it. it was a bit hard to get into it at first, there were clever bits though here and there |
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carter07 Junior Member
since 2007-04-26
Posts 31 |
For once in my life I have no complaints. I know people who have been in prison and this is accurate and very very well written. Applause!!! |
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UseTheIllusion Member
since 2006-02-06
Posts 223In a state of limbo |
Rhia, No, I haven't experienced this firsthand. I was inspired by a book about the California Youth Authority called "I Cried, You Didn't Listen". How could I improve the intro, so one becomes more interested? Carter07, Thank you very much. Any criticisms? |
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carter07 Junior Member
since 2007-04-26
Posts 31 |
None whatsoever. I wouldn't change a thing I think its perfect the way it is. |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Who is the book by I may be interested in reading |
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Neo Junior Member
since 2007-08-08
Posts 13 |
it's sad as our world hasn't evolved to say a Gandhi or MLK or even John Lennon level of understanding, but til then, one of the greatest reasons for prison is to keep the innocent safe, protect the people, etc. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
If you're going to be preachy, I think a narrative would be stronger. |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
This poem was extremely clunky. Hard to read. I usually give this advice out, so if you've heard it before from me... please bear with me. Read it out loud first. It really helps to work out the kinks. Good luck, this has a lot of potential. |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Mostly, well written, The stanzas need adjusting to all uniform length Or at least a cascade descent (make the second 10 lines), The second stanza stands out as the one needing fixing, But the rhyme pawns – basketball in the first stanza stands out also. Still as is it is enjoyable Gloom |
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UseTheIllusion Member
since 2006-02-06
Posts 223In a state of limbo |
Moved beyond this one now, so far in fact that I don't remember writing it. |
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