Rauschenberg's Goat. - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

0 posted 2007-04-20 03:27 PM

Rauschenberg's Goat

Shall I compare thee to Rauschenberg’s goat
With its car tire collar and painted fur coat?
   Nay, even the splatters on Rauschenberg’s floor
   Pale when compared with the one I adore.

Shall I compare thee to Chaim Soutine’s boeuf?
The splayed hanging carcass is hardly enough!
    Nay, when love colors the one I adore
    She o'er-glistens the dead cow some ten times or more.

Shall I compare thee to Brancusi’s “Kiss”
When the stony embrace signals something’s amiss?
    Nay, the pressed lips of the one I adore
    Soften, melt, open, demand, and explore.

Shall I compare thee to Munch’s  “The Scream,”
Neurotic precursor to Culkin’s worst dream?
    Nay, when love’s apex consumes my adored
    “The Scream” seems a murmur of someone who’s bored.

I shall compare thee to Mondrian’s “Jazz.”
You are vibrant, and lively, and full of pizzazz!

[This message has been edited by oceanvu2 (04-20-2007 06:30 PM).]

sampo
Member

since 2007-02-25

Posts 54
oz

1 posted 2007-04-21 12:03 PM

ocean -

clever, fun play on billy's sonnet.
i'm no expert on sonnet form, nor what
types of liberties contemporary poets
have taken with them,
( this has an extra strophe, so i'm not sure
if it can be judged according to a form )
rgardless i would prefer this to follow an iambic
pentameter, such as shakespeares.

such as it is, it doesn't maintain
the five metrical feet, that is following
unaccented/accented syllables. even
a basic syllable count shows that you
have exceeded on several lines, which
interferes with the read for me.

as to the content, i really enjoyed
the comparisons - particulary munch's
scream, a personal fav. and there seems
to me a good blend of archaic language
mixed with a more modern take on
imagry, which generally i would oppose,
but in the context of a satire, i think
it works really well.

regards,

sampo.

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

2 posted 2007-04-23 10:50 PM

Hi -- I didn't think I was writing a sonnet, it just seemed like sixteen lines was almost enough, already. I didn't think in terms of a "strophe" either. I thought in terms of a reasonable conclusion.

As to the ragged meter -- which is either more ragged or less ragged, according to how you read it -- raggedness is appropriate to doggerel. Doggerel is a poetic form using rhymed couplets with wit, and is almost universally despised by poetic type poets, mostly because it's written by folks who don't know that they are writing doggerel and aren't very witty.

On the other hand, there was Ogden Nash. (This is from memory, so it's probably a bit off):

A one L lama is a priest.
A two L llama is a beast.
But I will bet a silk pajama
You've never seen a threelama.

"Casey At The Bat," and "Twinkle twinkle little bat..." also fit the form.

Thanks for noticing it was satirical.

Jim

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.