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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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minus Member
since 2007-03-24
Posts 75 |
this is the beginning of a thought process for me...i think there is some 'keeper', though the end still needs... the caterpillared cadenza ricochets rememberless afterimage of concrete crying to be sand again, watching the cherries break their flower and mature to fall as forever in an instant upon her ivory stained tears, defining cadence with each rain drop exploding on the window sill. this still-life replay savored with pith and subterfuge; each kiss be new as trapping needle in the chorus groove of half-life strobe teaching traffic to obey this sign with infinite eyes again |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
I don't hate this. I think there is some that works. The last full stanza is a huge YES to me. I think that the alliteration is a tad on the annoying side. (God, I sould like Simon Cowell) I still don't have a clear message. Poetry doesn't have to be cryptic. Sometimes it can be the only straight forward thiing we have. Dane |
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minus Member
since 2007-03-24
Posts 75 |
alliteration...i'll have to look it up. definition of any kind is beyond me at this point. (alas, tools must be paid for...) as far as the cryptic goes, i know no other way. i write words that sound good together without much regard to their individual or collective definition--sometimes...i will post some more in the future that is not momentary stream of fractured consciousness. [This message has been edited by minus (03-30-2007 01:39 AM).] |
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