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minus
Member

since 2007-03-24

Posts 75

0 posted 2007-03-28 01:39 AM

i sent this to my girl's email to read tomorrow...i secretly want her to think i'm an idiot.

the bury waves surrender
car alarms in the torn-child night
as undertow bringer; silver winter moon
and a million inhales crashing in
the soundlessness of water

i know, i know...soundlessness is not a word, but is it permissible? i mean in a generalized academic way...is it ok to make words like this--i do it sometimes--?

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

1 posted 2007-03-28 10:11 PM

I think that it's acceptable. I made up the word intangerine. Haha.

Will she understand this?

sampo
Member

since 2007-02-25

Posts 54
oz

2 posted 2007-03-28 10:24 PM

minus -

an odd little poem, but the images
are original, though a tad confusing.
it's fine to make up words as far
as i'm concerned. i once used -
'crayonic' youth and the judges
let it slide, so whatever works.

regards,

sampo.

minus
Member

since 2007-03-24

Posts 75

3 posted 2007-03-29 02:55 AM

thanks...i would not call it a poem, exactly; more of an exercise with (as you said) imagery.

no, viking, i doubt she will understand this more than it needs to be...i sent it to her because the phrase 'bury waves' inadvertently came from one of her emails, and i decided to see what came to mind...

thanks for the feedback--this is necessary exercise i have been needing for a while...

Aurelian
Member

since 2007-03-20

Posts 109
TX, USA

4 posted 2007-03-29 01:38 PM

"I never write exercises, but sometimes I write poems that fail and call them exercises"
-Robert Frost
lol.

minus
Member

since 2007-03-24

Posts 75

5 posted 2007-03-29 02:32 PM

hmmm...i never write poems...they come from my exercises...

wink

(and is it possible (for anyone) to write a poem exactly as it should be with no revision? does the first draft ever make it to the journal or chapbook?)

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

6 posted 2007-03-29 04:45 PM

Well, I can't speak for everyone but it sure doesn't work that way for me. I don't remember who to credit the quote to but some famous poet, when asked, how can you tell when a poem is finished, replied "You know a poem is finished when the poet is safely buried six feet under."

Pete

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

7 posted 2007-03-29 06:45 PM

Some poems do seem to spring fully formedi, as in "In Xanadu did Kublai Khan a stately pleasure dome decree," etc, but Coleridge had what, forty years to write and practice.

If your are interested in "First thought, best thought" material, look into the Black Mountain College swarm of poets. They practiced a long time, too.

Nice poem. If your girlfriend thinks you are an idiot, consider changing girlfriends or removing what YOU think is idiocy.

Jim

minus
Member

since 2007-03-24

Posts 75

8 posted 2007-03-30 01:12 AM

pete, that's hilarious!

jim, i'll check out the swarm (great name)

and she thanked me...

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