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Critical Analysis #2
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The Ice Queen
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Ice Queen |
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Gabriel Frost Member
since 2002-08-15
Posts 216Between midnight thoughts |
Her face is as hard as stone, Eyes glassy, reflecting, The windows to her soul, Opaque, her cynicism rejecting.. Every subtle bid to kindness. Her poise so disturbingly arrogant, It almost masks me in blindness, To her agony which is oh so glaring. Her icy overtones of detatchment, Illustrate her emotional suicide, Her answer to prior dispatchment, Passion her only sacrifice. Passion is dead. Her voice is a hollow resonance, Externally she is flawless, But not to my eyes, I undress her to nakedness. And I see a crying little girl. Broken promises, a soul corrupted by pain, The blindfold of "I love you", Her sedation, "i'm sorry, please forgive me". She has been reduced to a subhuman state, Tormented by "i love you" she has forced herself to hate. Tortured screams ripped from her suffering soul, Unforgiving, she subsists in her emotionless world. Some call her the Ice Bitch, Yet I call her lost, For i have felt the chills, Of a heart buried in frost. She shivers on the inside, Saying hold me, i'm cold, Trapped in the glacier of her life, Arrogance her blindfold. She wraps herself in herself, To numb the soreness of caring, And stifles dormant her concience, So regret isn't overbearing. But the little girl in her feels remorse, She still cries, And though she stood triumphantly over her corpse, She never dies. She never dies. She still cries, Endlessly in the night. Her soul never stops screaming. I feel her pain, Although it is my curse, I just walk away, Even though I am stirred. This time I close my eyes. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Gabriel Frost - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I think I dated her once. No, but seriously, I think this peice might be more effective if the poem was from her point of view--you might try it as an experiment and see how it comes out. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
I think it would be interesting coming from the other view, but this is also a very interesting side. I loved the imagery and the metaphors. |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Gabriel... I read this poem in Open 22 and liked it very much, but because it is long and complicated... I think it would benefit from having some line breaks at places to give the reader a rest from the poem's wonderful intensity...  Lyra |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Gabriel, You have some wonderful images that allow the reader to get the feel for what kind of person this woman is, then you spell it out, that is not necessary. I am not sure about starting with “Her face is as hard as stone” as first line, the image of the eyes is more interesting. Please cut “The windows to her soul,” line, it is a too much of a cliché. Also the jump from face to eyes is too abrupt. It would be better tope expand on the first line with a description of the face, maybe using ice as a metaphor. Ice is smooth, cold and hollow. It would be nice to see such a metaphor worked into the poem, that this is really a queen of ice. It would help get the audience’s empathy for your thoughts. I think the greatest problem in the poem is the flow, you have the ideas but you jump from image to image a bit too much. The poem should develop with a natural flow, e.g You see this woman, you notice her features they are so smooth apparently flawless, but you feel something is missing, and then you notice her gestures of arrogance. You realise that she is hollow on the inside. I hope I have not been too harsh with my comments, I enjoyed the read. The sum of the angles of that rectangle is too monstrous to contemplate! [This message has been edited by brian madden (09-03-2002 07:07 PM).] |
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AquariusX New Member
since 2002-09-11
Posts 9 |
A beautiful poem, I love the idea of false appearances. "Her face is as hard as stone" My initial thought was that this line would benefit more if it was shorter and maybe had a more "slap in the face" feeling conveyed. "Eyes glassy, reflecting...Opaque, her cynicism rejecting" I like these lines, seemingly contradictory, yet not... "Externally she is flawless, But not to my eyes, I undress her to nakedness. And I see a crying little girl." "Some call her the Ice Bitch" The speaker sees her pain, while the others less gifted with insight only see her stilted arrogance. "Tormented by "i love you" she has forced herself to hate. Tortured screams ripped from her suffering soul, Unforgiving, she subsists in her emotionless world." Hmm, while the last line sounds really good, I cannot help thinking that "hate" is an emotion, making it contradict itself. There are other lines in the poem that also refer to emotions. Perhaps you should be more specific as to show that you mean the emotions of care, love, and understanding, rather than emotions in general... By taking it from the view of the "Ice Bitch" instead, you lose the arrogance veil and probably the opinions of the crowd. One technique I like to do is to have the subject speaking to the main speaker in the poem, rejecting their assertions. Anyway, good poem. |
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