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Dandelion (Mindelay, Part 4)
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Dandelion (Mindelay, Part 4) |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Rio. Ria. Rie. Marcel. Maricel And Yoshiko, Yoshiko Yamaguchi. Waiting for the lightning to clear the facade If only for a moment and only if in silence. We followed in a cadence the man who gave us a wilted flower, we followed like the rest, An empty barrage of humming and whispers and little Children who ran between the legs of the emaciated. Above, a long, cylindrical sun stretched to the horizon Ahead and behind the bobbing head of an urchin In my arms. And through it all, every irregular rhythm Bathed the walls in a flash with no thunder. "Why are your eyes red when the light comes?" A child asked, "Are you the wolf or the dragon?" "Neither. A man given the destiny of the past, Nothing more, nothing less, a return to nostalgia. Nothing more, nothing less than Rio, Rie, and Ria." Names from before and something, something more, a glance had shown no recognition, But Marcel and Maricel, a silence and a sigh, The clanks, the screams of wood on steel and steel on metal. A retina that could not be seen, "What are you looking for?" from the man And yet not from anywhere like The flashes of light that enhanced the Paleozoic paintings on distant walls And turned shadows into the works of Hieronymus Bosch. "We came to escape the storm, Mindelay." My wife, silent and immutable, stopped the cadence And stared into nothing. "As did we." "We came to make memory a memory, To end the line of kings and begin again," And the thin man with blue on his face Pointed, "And to do what we always do." Two men locked in a transparent cube, Mesmerized by the glass soldiers before them, The center of a world where no one dies. "We came to make the sanctuary, Mindelay." "Look, Daddy, the stars are still here." The reflected light of the long sun Cast below the ground that we had walked And I muttered, "For the world is hollow And I have touched the sky." For my memory would not go away, A tear or floating cyranobacteria Moved across her face, "I hate you With the white hot intensity Of a thousand suns." Post hoc ergo propter hoc. "We do what we always do. Fight them until we can't." Rio. Ria. Rie. Marcel. Maricel And Yoshiko, Yoshiko Yamaguchi. Waiting for the lightning to clear the facade If only for a moment and only if in silence. [This message has been edited by Brad (12-28-2006 06:01 PM).] |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Brad, I still feel like there are things over my head here.. but I get the gist of the fallout... after a tragedy, there is the readjustment period. 'For my memory would not go away, A tear or floating cyranobacteria Moved across her face, "I hate you With the white hot intensity Of a thousand suns."' The wife? Huge life altering events often change relationship dynamics. I also like the surreality of it... the cylnidrical sun, the kid seeing retina red-eyes and asking "Are you the wolf or the dragon?" The one thing that bugs me is the capitalization... especially here: 'An Empty barrage of humming and whispers and little Children who ran between the legs of the emaciated.' Do you really need to emphsize epty that much? And children? You don't capitalize the first word of every line, so why children? It's a personal pet peeve of mine, regular nouns being transformed into Proper Nouns (or Proper Adjectives, or whatever) just to make sure the reader knows it's Important. Maybe it's just me. I need to re-read these all and see if I can piece it all together. But I have enjoyed the reads, even if I find them challenging. Hope this helped. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Yeah on the caps. I put the thing up too fast. I actually think you should cap each line, but in longer pieces it doesn't seem to matter (nor does it seem to matter in extremely shorter pieces). I'm glad you liked that part. I stole the line from Diane of Diane/Sam fame. Though Norm was my role model for awhile.  |
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