When Dreams Die... - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

0 posted 2002-08-11 10:26 PM

True dreams
don't die easily...
they go kicking, screaming,
fighting...wailing
at their loss,
nails dug in, hanging on,
to the very last second,
till it's been proven
they have no right to be,
no means to prevent them
from going down,
from hands opening,
releasing them to the wind.

When true dreams do die,
you can hear the emptiness
for a lifetime.

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

caterina
Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 188
Canada

1 posted 2002-08-12 06:27 PM

Hi warmhrt,

I liked this, a lot. Probably because I and many others, I'm sure can relate to having had to let dreams go and it's hard.

I especially liked

hands opening, releasing
them to the wind

and I loved the ending

you can hear the emptiness
for a lifetime.

Thanks for sharing.

caterina

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2002-08-13 10:57 AM

Yes Kris, very nice ending. Liked it much.

Thanks,
Pete

Radrook
Senior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 648

3 posted 2002-08-14 11:13 AM

Hi!

God bless you for such a fertile imagination and ability to express profound thoughts in such a beautiful way!

Suggestions:

I was momentarily distracted by overused expression "kicking and screaming"

The word "fighting" is a redundancy to "kicking and screaming." If you are kicking and screaming, then you are fighting.

Imagery Vs human experience:

I found the image of "hopes going down from hands opened and releasing them to the wind" difficult to visualize. I guess the reason is that usually whenever I released something light, such as paper (Dreams are thought of as being diaphanous things) from my hands to the wind, it rapidly was borne aloft upwards or horizontally. Rarely was the direction straight down. So that gave me reason for pause.

Since poetry is read aloud sometimes, the sound of the alliterative phrase "do die" is best avoided.

Perhaps "When a dream finally dies..." or "When dreams finally die..." or just "When true dreams die..." will be kinder on the ear.

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

4 posted 2002-08-14 02:18 PM

I like this. I really love the ending- good use of aural imagery.

I agree with the kicking, screaming, fighting comment... it's a little commonplace.

On the other hand, I like the 'going down' idea- yeah, dreams are supposed to flutter and dance on the wind- but not dead reams. It makes sense for the corpse of hope to fall down heavily, downtrodden...

Hope I've helped.

Who is John Galt?

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.