Something that was in my head last night

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Critical Analysis #2

Something that was in my head last night

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

0 posted 2006-09-11 06:56 PM

I love the night time
when I can see balloons seem
like headless bodies
or bodiless heads as it were,
floating without concern of where
from fence post -
recent party.

I love the feeling
when you look up and
the sky becomes your new floor
quite suddenly
dissorienting your normal uprightness-
not that you would care on a night like this.

Distant bugs
closer insects
the rush of trees
that annoying dog barking again -
players tuning to bring
what will become your sleep music -
on a night like this.

athlone
New Member

since 2006-09-12

Posts 3
Israel

1 posted 2006-09-12 06:18 AM

Very nicely expressed.
My only nit is the repetitious
"like headless bodies
or bodiless heads as it were,"
perhaps: "like bodiless heads treading air,"?
Zvi www.poetrypages4u.com

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