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Critical Analysis #2
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synthetic
Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 70
ontario, canada

0 posted 2006-09-05 02:06 AM


If life gave me a dollar for every time my heart beat your name; I'd most certainly be rich.
Ironically, the currency I value most cannot be clasped in a fist.
Not to be found in a market but often commercial,
a token of caring that's most certainly indubitably universal.
Perhaps the reason why I can feel you half way around the world.

I've searched in my soul to decipher the joy that I've felt.
Only to realize that my sentiments cannot be helped.
Magically navigating me through a journey of ethics;
where wrong turns and broken hearts spell out into lessons.
Perhaps the reason why I know I've learnt to feel this way.

All those passionately engulfed in personal pairs;
proclaim findings that aid them in knowing they're there.
You've indeed helped me conclude that I'm sincerely alive;
by allowing me to catch the reflection of tears in my eyes.
Where my emptiness fills your void and I know your presence.
When the bond we reciprocate becomes a sentence.
How you've made me to feel as though loving you is a crime;
know that I'll advocate for a possession that is rightfully mine.
And in times when you feel as though you're truly alone;
know that our hearts mirror and your sorrow becomes my own.
Do not fret be mindful of those minding your concerns;
that in secret know your fears and keep your peace erected firm.
Know the effort it takes for me to love you everyday;
your truest joy is your strongest hurt and you're my only pain.
Find me because I search for you and not because I'm there;
so we too can preach as those who are passionate pairs.

If life gave me a dollar for every time I was pained in your name; I'd most certainly be rich.
You can only know true gain after loss - appreciation comes with risk.
Do not see my words as threats from a man;
rather a message in a bottle washed up on the sand.
An opportunity to the wind blown along by fate;
you've read the message and so I can go on knowing my destiny is safe.


© Copyright 2006 luc - All Rights Reserved
mad_about_you
New Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 2

1 posted 2006-09-06 11:58 PM


beautiful.
synthetic
Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 70
ontario, canada
2 posted 2006-09-18 04:11 PM


thanks a lot.


synthetic
Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 70
ontario, canada
3 posted 2007-01-07 08:03 PM


I'm bringing this back up to the top because I'd like to get a bit more feedback on it.
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
4 posted 2007-01-08 10:17 AM


Fix meter and syllable count and that will make it flow alot better
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