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Critical Analysis #2
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show my love
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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show my love |
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loveislove Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 59USA |
When i look at you I see our love reflecting I know our love is true I feel our love protecting I look around my room and i feel as though youre here No matter how much I miss you I just cant shed a tear The thought of you brings my heart to life And I feel your arms around me Saving me from my internal strife I just wish that I could show Exactly how much I love you But i guess you'll never know [This message has been edited by loveislove (07-24-2006 11:04 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 loveislove - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Weird is right. So is crude. Your weird friend may appreciate it but I don't see any hope for ever making it into worthy poetry. Sorry. Maybe next time. Pete |
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loveislove Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 59USA |
yeah i never asked if it would be like a respected write cuz i have no intent to publish anywhere at anytime in my life... then theres the moment of silence, the eye of the storm, when the whole world collapses, i want to be in your arms |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Why post it in the Critical Analysis forum then? |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Exactly, Not A Poet. This is a personal note, not a poem. Posting in critical is for the improvement of skills. If you want me to talk about the lack displayed here...forced rhyme, abstractions, no imagary, and a childish style that's more suited to carving on the gang-tree. This style of writing is not suited to the standard I'd expect in critical. |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Out of order-you've edited the whole poem, and posted another in place of your 'best friends poem', after you got 'bad' reviews. Why muck about? I'll not be going near any of your stuff again, [edited by moderator] what you've substituted is not a poem either, and it's full of abstractions and 'diary' turns of phrases. [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (07-24-2006 12:54 PM).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
It is very poor form to remove or radically change a posted poem after it has received other's comments. That makes those comments irrelevant and completely confusing to all who may try to follow the thread. Once a thread is started, it belongs to the whole group, not just the originator. That said, it is quite acceptable to edit you post and make minor corrections, such as typos, but try to do so before it receives replies. Pete |
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