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barriers
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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barriers |
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loveislove Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 59USA |
one moment of pleasure equals one year of pain what we all strive for is what will hurt us the most Do we choose to hurt ourselves? to an extent, yes But the people that hurt us are often the people that love us the most Whom we love just as much I want to have the freedom Of knowing that I can love you But I cant Nothing, Noone will allow me to i suppose i could break these barriers between us But i know im not ready You're all i have left But now, you're already leaving The more people that I can make EXTREMELY uncomfortable, the better |
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| © Copyright 2006 loveislove - All Rights Reserved | |||
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Hello Love. This reads more like a rhetorical speech than a poem. You open with a premise that never gets realised, then go on to 'chat' in abstractions. It's too vague to capture an outside reader, I think, because you mention 'people' without expanding, apart from telling us what you think of the situation-which is also obscure. I'd rather read a description about what/who made you write this judgement, than what your thoughts are after some event/happening that you're not showing-I'd say, let the reader decide. [This message has been edited by kif kif (07-13-2006 04:45 AM).] |
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