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Critical Analysis #2
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Another try at Villanelle
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Another try at Villanelle |
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longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
To Live With Lies They lived passions fired everything she’d sought …………Until she died Never merely wife as she’d been taught They lived passions fired Love in their desire just as we all ought …….Until she died To live with lies trinkets bought They lived passions fired Bruises and black eyes fights were fought ………Until she died We can’t describe the damage wrought They lived passions fired ………..Until she died Live It |
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| © Copyright 2006 P.Nicholson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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MUSEconnieSEconnie Member
since 2006-02-28
Posts 74california |
OMG LONGTE>>>>FABULOUS AND SAD. WELL DONE MY FRIEND!!!  LOVE CONNIE I AM BLIND/I POST IN CAPS. FORGIVE IF THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE. A VOICE READER HELPS ME READ POSTS. MY SCR-NAME POSTED WRONG, IT IS MUSEconnieHUES |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I'd say you took a bit too much license with the first rhyme: fired / died / wife / desire / lies / eyes / describe. The villanelle is a rigidly structured thing. I really don't think it allows for this kind of diversion. Some of the above really don't even make very good half-rhymes. Other than that, I think you have the structure right. I suggest that you look up some of the other villanelles posted at PIP. I know there are some in CA as well as in the Poetry Workshop. |
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longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
Second attempt Still a huge amount to learn Structure is interesting in the form called Villanelle Will be back at some stage to try again Still trying to get my head around the fact the Form is often more important than the Message When I can combine both adequately I'll be back Thanks for the feedback peter Live It |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hard to claim that form is more important than message. Anything without worthy content is of little value. There are cases, such as the villanelle, where a specific form is truly required. Even if you do follow that form perfectly, though, such a poem will still garner little interest if it says nothing of value to the reader. I'm afraid our forum may lead one to that false impression because form is much easier to critique than content, which is more subjective. It can be pretty obvious, for example, when a sonnet does not have 14 lines or its lines are not iambic pentameter or the rhyme scheme is wrong. Similar comments applies to the villanelle or any other "structured" form. There are pretty clear rules that apply to grammar and, to a lesser extent, punctuation. But, content is much more elusive. As in your Faeries, it comes down more to "what appeals to a reader. I am reluctant to use myself as an example but it is just quicker right now than looking for another although there are too many to count here at PIP and in the literature. Take a look at "The Beach on a Summer's Evening" just brought back up by MsSouthernOrchid. It is a highly structured poem but notice that fact is hardly mentioned in the comments. It is the content that makes it work. It was written as an exercise in the Workshop. The assignment was to copy the structure of Frost's "Passing Through Woods on a Snowy Evening." It does match that form exactly but that fact would do little to interest any reader. Instead, it is the "feel good" impression that it leaves, much like your "Faeries." Hope this made some sense. Pete |
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MsSouthernOrchid Member
since 2003-07-12
Posts 192 |
I liked it. Although it's a sad subject put to poetry, I think it's well written. I am not a good judge though, as my own attempts at poetry sometimes leaves a bit to be desired. Still,I did want to let you know my thoughts. |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I enjoyed the poem, even though it's such an awful topic. I do think the rhyme was stretched a bit. I agree with you that the message should be more important than form, but if the message needs to come across just right, maybe this form wasn't the best to choose. Constant adherence to form and structure is not the purpose of this art, any art, but for some styles of poetry, and some poets, there are rules to be followed. Unfortunately |
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longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
Thanks again Learning reasonably quickly Mainly through this site and the comments that are said So much to learn So much FUN doing so Peter Live It |
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Artofmark Junior Member
since 2006-07-12
Posts 41 |
kinda sad but well written, take a look at mine and let me know what you think.  |
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