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Critical Analysis #2
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fait je bois
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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fait je bois |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
all is here. the leaves are on their trees and the grass in its place the girls are walking to their class with lungs; cancer free i sit and watch them go and they go timelessly all is here i must admit that all is here i have only to reach out and bring with me those i desire near |
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| © Copyright 2005 ben costen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Interesting read except for the line, "with lungs; cancer free" that just doesn't seem to fit. In fact, I found it jarring. Why use punctuation in that one place anyway? |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
well, you do like idiosyncra;cy (grin) the girls are walking to their class with lungs; cancer free === I do understand why you formed it just this way=== not many others are likely to see the logic, however. you're kinda obtuse. So am I. So i get it: Girls are walking to class with lungs (uh, i guess so!) ; cancer free (the girls are so young that they have not yet picked up any life cancers like... experience with 'carcinogenic' men, who ruin pure women by mistreatment. this is -one- possible assumption) so you do write in fresh kinds of metaphor and abstractions. I like. So you have one new acquaintance who gets some of what you're doing. And if I'm really -misinterpreting- all this, then tell me so. If my guesses are waaaay off base.. then you may know that your poetry above is just too surreal to convey the message. but i think that i understand well enough. thanks r |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Well Ben, you need to let Reid know if he interpreted right. Even if right, I still don't like the line but that is, of course, only my opinion  It's just a rather ugly line in an otherwise rather pleasant poem. |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
the fun in making bold statements (as I do) that I 'got it' is that: -I probably did NOT (heh heh) -and so, the ball is tossed back to the poet who must need now to disabuse me of my error in parsing his abstractions.. and this is a bit ticklish, yes? Well, he makes me work to "get" the message and justify his -unatractive, jarring cancer line-... so.. call it commentator prick-back.. in a sense. Yeah! I get the poem completely! (probably not) and so, b. needs to say who understood the poem better: himself, or this schlump-me at bat now. grins and smiles to all, reid in smallcase. |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
because ben mentions this poem in another thread.. and I do want to learn more for sure of what I take from the poem is close to what he wishes to convey: all is here i must admit that all is here i have only to reach out and bring with me those i desire near at 22 these girls are your age, too, and are just waiting to be plucked. You take your time. It doesn't require much to harvest a girl. Which one? To what end? And this seeming reticence on your part implies to me your desire to -do no harm- |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
all is here leaves on trees grass in its place the girls are walking to their class with lungs; cancer free i sit and watch them go timelessly all is here i must admit all is here i have only to reach out, bring with me those i desire near |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
thanks midnight sun. that is most definitely a more beautiful version. |
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