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Critical Analysis #2
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Your Basement's Bigger Than You Thought
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Your Basement's Bigger Than You Thought |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
i discover train tracks under the kitchen tiles of your discretion going west to east across worlds of life: full force insanity i rip up the floorboards we sit and wait for the 10 o’clock you start to cry i go see where the basement goes a dream that knows i'm afraid of discov— a lot of greyness, a lot of no de-tail rails with no end kids with no futures getting braver by the night friends, catholics, anarchists racists, fat, insecure friends with holidays for freedom and living for 'em starved as hell cellar door, i see light through the cracks in the wall a shadow beneath the lit part of light that invites distraction, invites a dream zooming down the wooden lanes i need to run back, to get out of bed underground greatness: a birch becomes a highway of dirty kids stifled fear, static layers int-rf-r-nc- |
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| © Copyright 2005 ben costen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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davidmerriman Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 123Dallas, TX |
i don't know why, but your writing intrigues me. honestly, it's not very good, but i sense that you have something, something that leaps beyond conventionality that isn't mere drivel. i recommend that you keep at it, that you read an extensive amount of literature so that your leaps are successful. i don't respond to too many poems on here, but i feel that you have something, so there you go. |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
I liked this alot. I loved the metaphore and the tone you presented. I found it intresting how the metaphore you used, I feel both ways about getting to know some one and a strange basement. I enjoy the style and the flow of your poem. I think structurally your poem was sound. But I don't understand the last stanza, so I can't critasize you on any thing else. Perhapps I will come back tomarrow when I have mind. Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic |
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