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Storyline |
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Wendy Flora Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 182Virginia |
I originally jotted this down to serve as a storyboard for a prose piece, but one of my friends picked it up and told me, "hey, this is a nice poem." ? In any case, tell me what you think. -wen =================================================== A woman in her apartment Early on a Saturday morning Looking out at a city (Doesn't have to be New York) A bustling city On a cold, gray, misty morning She holds a cup of coffee in her hands And her cat is asleep in the Papazan chair She's looking out remembering the night before And what transpired to make her feel lonely On this forlorn Saturday morning. She's looking across the street and can see Into the window of another apartment Where an old woman is standing at the window With a cup of coffee in her hands Looking out at the city. The old woman probably has a cat She is probably lonely. This is her in 30 years, in that mirror. The old woman looks out at the city The window fogging it the frigid air Sipping, musing, wond'ring where Her life has gone. "Well she wants to live her life, then she thinks about her life... Pulls her hair back as she screams, I don't really want to live this life!" -Train "Meet Virginia" |
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| © Copyright 2000 Wendy Flora - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I agree! It makes an excellent poem! Wonderful! Denise [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 01-25-2000).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I would call it "Mirrored Glance" and expound a little more on the coldness of the "city", deleting the line {doesn't have to be New York} altogether. I would also expound on the personality of the cat [as some of them are "lonely, individual" creatures]and as a final gesture, give the coffee a "smell." I see a good short story here...go with it! Sunshine Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
A storyboard as a poem--I like the concept.  Gene |
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Little_Spyro Senior Member
since 2000-01-09
Posts 659San Diego, CA, USA |
Wow! Great poem, Wendy! I have to admit, I didn't understand some of it...but it makes incredible use of imagery! And speaking of coffee, uh...I'll be right back-- Little Spyro T. Dragon |
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Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere |
This was great! |
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childomine Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818st. petersburg, FL |
This is awesome Wendy. Love it! ...Give me the strength to walk the soft earth, a relative to all that is.... Black Eagle Oglala Sioux holy man |
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