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In A Daze
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In A Daze |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand 
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Just trying out a different writing style.. what do u think?? ^^ In A Daze I am falling in a daze, Swiftly, swiftly I fall, Yet so slowly, I barely notice, And I forget to catch hold of a hand, Flashing past my eyes. Swiftly, swiftly I fall, As if in a dream, I almost forgot, That it was real at all, And I forget to catch hold of a hand, Flashing past my eyes. As if in a dream, ‘Things’, float past, I don’t think to look, And watch them go by, And I forget to catch hold of a hand, Flashing past my eyes. ‘Things’, float past, I almost don’t notice, For I think I shall be here forever, Able to look left or right, Any time that I choose, And I forget to catch hold of a hand, Flashing past my eyes. I almost don’t notice, I should not be here, For while everything changes, I stand still and run. And I forget to catch hold of a hand, Flashing past my eyes. I should not be here, I should not be here, Words tingle in my mind, Faintly registered, somewhere, in there... SNAP! Out of a daze, Falling just stops, And I begin to climb; I remembered to catch hold of the hand, That wasn’t going anywhere, anyway. Lynne "He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu |
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| © Copyright 2000 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Esmeralda Ponsonby Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 138 |
I like your new style, it went very well with your poem. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very nice!  Denise |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
YuLan~ Quite an enjoyable style and read. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Tramp Poet Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 754Could Be Anywhere... |
hey Yu, a haunting piece... don't ya love it when snapping into reality? To me it's like dialing in a station on the radio... I loved the imagery of the missed hand that, in fact, had already caught... enjoyed, bleeding... "Tis ink coming from his arm, Captain!" |
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Dennis L. White Senior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 1463Michigan, U.S.A. |
Lynne, Way to go! This style is intrigueing! Nice Job! Dennis :^) |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Lynne, I really enjoyed your new style of writing, it is good to experiment. well written. "but for the lovers, their arms Round the griefs of the ages, Who pay no praise or wages Nor heed my craft or art" Dylan Thomas. |
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PrincessPoet Member
since 2000-04-15
Posts 133Long Beach, Calif. |
I Think you r Growing, Good Work, Yu Lan! Your failures in life come from not realizing your nearness to success when you give up. -Yoruba Proverb Poetry & Friendship, PrincessPoet |
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jamesjiao Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268Backwaters of Avalon |
Lynne, If I am correct, does this poem actually depict the dream you told me last time? (Falling...). It's good Lynne, you should post this one on Voice on Web - James Sorrow is the starting point of happiness. Without sorrow, a man can never realize the true meaning of happiness. Jõmes |
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kelieth Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 314Normal IL - USA |
Think the style is great. Good work. Kevin "Anything is possible with patience, time is the tool use it to reach your goals." |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Wow, thank you guys! Thanx Esmeralda, Denise, Marge.. glad u think it fits.. ^_^ Daniel.. pch, lol.. u shoudln't compliment my work... *_^ yeah, a weird feeling, huh? ^_^ Dennis, Brian, Princess.. yeah, experimenting is good, lol.. ^_^ I am glad this one seemed to work! ^_^ James, yeah, u r right, it was from a dream I had.. I'm not sure when i told u about it.. I mentioned another dream, I think.. aah well, lol.. I must have. ^_^ It is a dream.. ^^ Hmm, maybe I will.. ^^ Thanx James.. actually, I think I will submit this for selection.. ^^ Kevin.. thanx. ^_^ nice to see an experiment apreciated.. ^^ Lynne "He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu [This message has been edited by Yu Lan (edited 07-01-2000).] |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Lynne, it is so cool and heart-warming to see a poet whose works you respect and enjoy trying out something new and different...this one was greatly enjoyed...chuckled over it..and i hope to see more such attempts from you....  |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
kaile.. 'whose works you respect..' thank you so much.. I'm glad u liked this one, and yes, *_^ I am sure you'll see a few more yet.. ^^ Lynne "He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
well i voted for this one and i rather enjoyed the read. and i to like this style it kind of gives it a fall look as you read. I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson- |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
thanx Jeremiah ^_^ much apreciated. ^_^ just going to search for some of your poetry.. Lynne "He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Yu Lan, I enjoyed this poem and style very much. Well done ! |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Too cool! I like it! Not familiar with your "normal" style, but this works well on you! Christopher |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
thanx munda, Christopher.. ^_^ Lynne "He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu |
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