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no name.. need suggestions for a title plz... ^_^
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no name.. need suggestions for a title plz... ^_^ |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand 
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I did call this "One is So Many" but I had another verse, and the title is not relevant to the first.. it didn't fit with the rest of the poem, and the poem sounded better like this so I deleted the other piece. ^_^ A shy little girl waits by the window, Hoping to be seen and yet trying to hide. Uncertainly she lingers, Wanting to enter, held back by her fear, She thinks that she knows that she can’t. So she stays by the window, As she searches to find in herself, A courage she wishes she had. I hold my breath; her hand is raised, Hesitating, panic stricken. She will, she won’t, she will, she won’t ... She glances behind her, wanting to run. I implore her to stay, beg without words. Urging her to open, Opportunities door. She does not see me, And her search is unfruitful, She drops her hand and flees, Glances up, then averts her eyes, From my beseeching gaze. Slips unseen into the crowd, Gone, lost, her courage; failed. Lynne |
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| © Copyright 2000 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jon Mewett Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304 |
Yu lan I like this very much,I would love to see the 'Other' verse as well. But I spose your 'Courage Failed' on that. Nice  Jon |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Yu Lan, you grab hold of this reader's attention real tight....whats with that girl?why does she behave like that?hmmm...thought-provoking my interpretation:she has come to the house of her crush and wants to talk to him but....  nice job, Yu Lan |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Yu Lan, you grab hold of this reader's attention real tight....whats with that girl?why does she behave like that?hmmm...thought-provoking my interpretation:she has come to the house of her crush and wants to talk to him but.... nice job, Yu Lan |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
thanx.. 'Courage Failed'.. yeah i like that.. might stick witht that, ^^ thank you both.. Jon.. mm, the other verse basically just pointed out that in the poem, i saw in the girl, myself, so i wanted so much for her to have courage.. like I so many times didn't.. but then i realise that when i was the girl, i never saw the me, urging me to take the opportunity, and I turn away, just like the girl.. in my opinion, that piece ruined the poem, as it wasn't very well written, and it seemed as though from a different voice.. out of sinc with the poem.. ^_^ Kaile.. mm, when i was writing this, i pictured a glass window, like in a store or something, and the girl was wanting to knock on the door.. perhaps for employment, company, whatever.. i don't mention in the poem, so as to leave that a mystery.. it is better for the reader to come to their own conclusions, so i didn't really think that far, hehe.. but the other person is on the other side of the glass, so he'she can't help her.. the glass can also be a mental wall, so it is not actually there, but because they are both so far away from each other, neither going to speak to one another, it seems, to him/her, as though there is glass between them.. as he/she can still see her.. hehe.. thank you kaile, thank you kaile.. (2 reply, to 2 posts. lol) Lynne |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is a great poem, Lynne! I really like it! I think 'Courage Failed' is a great title, too! Denise |
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Little_Spyro Senior Member
since 2000-01-09
Posts 659San Diego, CA, USA |
Well, this isn't "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" and I'm sure as heck not Regis Philbin, but this poem'd be worth millions, or in fact, priceless...  Since you polled the audience, statistics report that 66% of the audience thinks that "Courage Failed" is a great title for a great poem. Little Spyro T. Dragon |
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kelieth Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 314Normal IL - USA |
I have to agree with the other posts 'Courage Failed' Seems very appropriate. Good poem. Kevin |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thank youuuuuu! ^_^ Lynnw |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Lynn, Fabulous poem here, I can relate to it so well, been through years of courage failed in everything I do, and it seems to worsen with age. |
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childomine Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818st. petersburg, FL |
I'm with the rest - "Courage Failed" is a great title for this. You could have been writing about me when I was a bit (lol) younger. |
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Tramp Poet Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 754Could Be Anywhere... |
hey Yu, Please forgive me for even thinking about naming someone else's work...and i agree that "Courage Failed" is good...what i saw in my minds eye was "Nestling". Thanks for the read... D bleeding... "Tis ink coming from his arm, Captain!" |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
hey thanks ppl.. bleeding.. nah, that is just what I was asking 4.. suggestions for a title.. thank you!! ^_^ childomine.. L.D.. thanx both.. ok, have to go read some poetry now.. ^_^ Lynne |
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