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Dream Kingdom
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Dream Kingdom |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand 
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Dream Kingdom Sometimes I stand, Alone in the grass, Staring, At the heaven, So far above me. Like a soft spreading fire, Colours wrap, The clouds in their arms, Kissing their cheeks, Making them blush, For they know I am watching. The splendour of the sky, Renders me speechless, Although, I would not want to speak, Anyway. I am captivated; The beauty entrances me, And my heart glows, With unsung joy, As with wonder I behold, The sun, Turn it’s kingdom, To a dream. I wrote this a while ago, and I've started to re-write it, using a different style.. so I'm still playing around with it.. any suggestions?? ^_^ Lynne |
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| © Copyright 2000 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is very lovely as it is, Lynne! Very beautiful! Denise |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
Nicely done the way it is written... a flowing dreamlike quality. Enjoyed. |
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
The sun, Turn it’s kingdom, To a dream. What a lovely way of putting it! |
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Jon Mewett Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304 |
Yu Lan the way you have written this had me looking at the sky .....need I say more. Jon |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Hey thanx!! ^_^ wow, such compliments.. hehe.. Thank you Denise, Mike, Jana and Jon.. I'm glad u liked it.. I am sure there is something I can do to improve it though, hehe... there always is. ^_^ always room for improvement, huh? -Lynne |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Lynn, I think this is fabulous just the way it is, thanks for sharing it.  |
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Death of Valor Junior Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 20New Orleans |
This is absolutely beautiful. It reminds me a little of my own poetry. I love the fantastical images you painted, and having the clouds blush... it's all very lovely. I'm glad you let everyone else see this vision as well. ^_^ |
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jamesjiao Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268Backwaters of Avalon |
Lynne, I am so glad that you finally wrote a poem that's not so depressing, it's beautiful Lynne. - James Sorrow is the starting point of happiness. Without sorrow, a man can never realize the true meaning of happiness. Jõmes |
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kelieth Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 314Normal IL - USA |
Enoyable piece and what a touch. Kevin "Anything is possible with patience, time is the tool use it to reach your goals." |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thank you James and kelieth.. James.. great to see u again here.. haven't seen many of your replies 4 ages.. lol, busy? *_^ thank you.. *smiles* Kelieth.. thanx.. I'm glad your opinion is so, I was not sure if this style suited such a poem, or if, perhaps, i should change it.. ^_^ Lynne "He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Greetings, sky-admirer Lynne, i too look up at the ever-changing sky often and am often in awe at its beauty...the sentiments do mirror my feelings and for that,this poem speaks to me like these few lines VERY much: Colours wrap, the clouds in their arms, kissing their cheeks making them blush lovely use of personification here  there may be room for improvement but i like this the way it is... applauding you for a joy well done |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
I know how it is when the author isn't satisfied, but how can so many be wrong? If you change anything, be subtle. I really liked how you described the whole sky and your feelings of complete joy at that moment. I live for those feelings! Joy |
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Tramp Poet Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 754Could Be Anywhere... |
hey Yu! Do you hear the stars singing? Great imagry with the sun kissed clouds... isn't it amazing if one takes a minute to really see the beauty around us? lovely, bleeding... "Tis ink coming from his arm, Captain!" |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thanx.. kaile and joy, thank you, I wasn't sure if I should keep it this style, or use the same content differently.. but I will take your advice, and just 'perfect' (what a word, lol..) what i have here.. ^_^ yes, subtly is the key, eh? ^_^ Bleeding.. yes, it certainly is an amazing view, one hopes I managed to capture it well enough in my poetry.. ^^ heard the stars sing? well, I must say, i have never listened.. I'm not often able to be outside, after dark.. but I will make a note of listening... ^^ Luv y'all, Lynne "He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu |
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ellie LeJeune Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156King of Prussia, PA USA |
Yu Lan; This is an exquisite poem. I love the imagery and gentle feeling it gave me. So lovely. Ellie |
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Dennis L. White Senior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 1463Michigan, U.S.A. |
Lynne, This is great just the way it is, why mess with perfection? Dennis :^) Moonbeams radiate When the veiling cloud has past Playful shadows dance Dennis L. White :^) |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thanx Ellie and Dennis.. much appreciated.. wow, u guys are too kind. ^_^ perfection? ^_^ well, guess I'm just typically critical then, eh? ^^ Thanks heaps, both of u.. Lynne "He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
such a wonderful poem, i love it very much it makes me want to read so much more of your work i love it so. so do keep it up so i have something to read. I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson- |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thanx Jeremiah J.. ^_^ it's ppl like u that make the world a lot brighter place to be in.. ^^ Lynne "He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu |
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