The Corner Pub |
![]() ![]() |
Personification of Evening |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
Swåmp¤Faerÿie Member
since 2000-03-29
Posts 358Illinois |
There i stood with death at my feet. Before me the Hesperus shone like Aventurine under meridies sun. Over the narrow comb of the valley vert i gazed. Only to be dazzled by her mystic beauty. She walked through out the valley,gathering Charlock in a sweet reed basket. Her stature was tall & broad,her hair like blackest samite with levin brand strands flowing through it. Her gown of purple silken stuff more royal that the fairest faeryie queen. Her feet & shoulders were bare,for the day was kind & the weather fine. She did not veiw me & i was unseen. I watched her weave her way along the feild,stopping here & yet there to pluck some flower from it's vine. She wove king cups & sprigs of summer into a curious carcanet for her head. I watched her leave the valley slowly. I said no word to her in greeting,nay,she knew not of my presence. I wished not for the silence to be broken,or the moment banished, so i let her leave & watched her go,delighting in her beauty. ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ FIRST POEM WITHOUT RHYME!! YAY!! LOL....so help me out here,this is my first one and i think it's a little windy....maybe because of the old english,but anyhow...any ideas on improving would be greatly appreciated!! And there she weaves by night and day, a magic web of colours gay.~Tennyson |
||
© Copyright 2000 Tivonya S. - All Rights Reserved | |||
Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere |
I like it how it is... ![]() ![]() I awake to a world I don't want. There is no transition for me. I am in heaven. I am in hell. |
||
Jon Mewett Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304 |
I agree with BWA on this one swampola. You painted a fine picture here. Jon |
||
Swåmp¤Faerÿie Member
since 2000-03-29
Posts 358Illinois |
Awww come on people i need some suggestion,obviously this isn't a real fetching poem!! But thank you Very much Angel and Jon for your comments =P swampie And there she weaves by night and day, a magic web of colours gay.~Tennyson |
||
Alle'cram Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816Texas |
Swamp, I loved this. This is the first piece I have read of yours and I watched the scene unfold with each line. Terrific presentation, easy read and a nice love story! |
||
epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa |
awesome poem swamp. Love the old english and the way you put this together. Really heartfelt. |
||
Wobbly Head Bob Member
since 2000-05-15
Posts 299Virginia, USA |
Beautiful work, Swampee! The pictures are lovely, the imagery eye candy for sure. The only suggestions I have are either to shorten some lines, or insert more breaks, in order to trim it up a bit. It becomes quite strange to read fairly short lines, and then stumble onto one that stretches the length of the screen. I did though really love this poem, the not-rhyming really worked and pictures painted MORE than made up for it. |
||
Swåmp¤Faerÿie Member
since 2000-03-29
Posts 358Illinois |
Thanks everybody!!!!!! ![]() And thanks so much for the suggestion Bob!! Will do!! Thanks for takin' the time to give me a little tip =] swampius maximus And there she weaves by night and day, a magic web of colours gay.~Tennyson |
||
![]() ![]() |
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |