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Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida

0 posted 1999-12-08 01:32 AM


Lights twinkle brightly
shining from icy blue spheres
upon sight of presents
Best gifts are small packages –
The smile of a child



 May I never be too busy to help another's load,
Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed.

--Author Unknown

© Copyright 1999 Nicole Williams - All Rights Reserved
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
1 posted 1999-12-08 07:33 AM


This is lovely, Satiate - and it's wonderful to see your smiling face(s)....
Alicat
Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094
Coastal Texas
2 posted 1999-12-08 02:57 PM


Wonderful adherance to format, with a truly simplistic message.  Truly, the best gift one could ever hope for would be the smile of a child.

Alicat

 As I sit here dimly thinking
Watching modem lights a-blinking
Churning out poetic hash.
Lord, in all Your piety,
Help me keep my sanity:
Please don't let the modem crash! --Alicat


Beki
Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569
Newport Beach, CA, USA
3 posted 1999-12-08 03:55 PM


Thius is beautiful but doesn't quite fit the form...5-7-5-7-7...simple rewriting will remedy that if you are so inclined. The image is perfect for the for, and you've captured it very well.

Consider

Lights twinkle brightly
shining from icy blue spheres
when presents sighted-
Best gifts are small packages –
The joyful smile of a child

[This message has been edited by Beki (edited 12-08-1999).]

Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
4 posted 1999-12-08 04:36 PM


Thanks all  

And thank you, Beki.    I must have misread the format for a Tanka...I thought it was 5-7-5-7-5!    Your constructive suggestions are much appreciated.  

 May I never be too busy to help another's load,
Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed.

--Author Unknown

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
5 posted 1999-12-08 07:44 PM


What a sweet poem! So much imagery packed into this one!

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

6 posted 1999-12-11 09:12 PM


Beautiful, Satiate! Very nice!

 Denise



Pepper
Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079
Southern Florida
7 posted 1999-12-11 10:26 PM


This is Lovely Satiate  

 A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!



Ladycat
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-07-05
Posts 782
At the edge and a doorway,TX
8 posted 1999-12-17 07:29 PM


Is it too late for me to tell you how the image(s) are beautiful and how I can't wait to see that too..

Love,
Lady

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