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ShadowRider
Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038
USA

0 posted 2001-08-18 03:38 AM


~To Serve Man ~

bring me not the unsifted water of life
the silt swirling mahogany with distaste
Love me not with garlands of dried flower
Thrive! it must be alive to be esteemed
for a banquet is a myriad of tastes
experiences to persevere a span of life
and I am starving man
even tho my plate be full
for I know not how to prepare a dish fit for consumption -
my tongue cleaves in my mouth from mistruth
my offered sustenance purveyed on tarnished bronze
who can refine silver from ash?
an alchemist. . .i cannot be
even though I am but a lowly
Servant of Man
when I long to just be
a servant of G*d



© Copyright 2001 Picasso Lyrics - All Rights Reserved
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
1 posted 2001-08-18 12:07 PM


very, very fine piece!  Curious about the choice of an * instead of an 'o' in God, tho

I really like the flavor and feel of this and the questions posed.

Joyce Johnson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
2 posted 2001-08-18 02:21 PM


This is so great.  Another psalm.  Write on.  Joyce
Trillium
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098
Idaho, USA
3 posted 2001-08-18 07:01 PM


Excellent poem!  You've done a fine job of writing.

Betty Lou Hebert

Songbird
Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184
Missouri
4 posted 2001-08-19 11:42 PM


Sound like a Psalm.. Enjoyed.
jfreak
Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306
Yuma, AZ, USA
5 posted 2001-08-20 10:18 PM


Shadow...

What edit?  What critique?  Dude...let me tell you this is one outstanding poem...whatever formula you have found to write with...don't change it...your chose of words is very refreshing and also and even more the use of those words...Just a WOW!!!

J~

cpalmer
Senior Member
since 2001-06-26
Posts 977
Phoenix, Az
6 posted 2001-08-21 12:10 PM


Shadowrider,
You do a wonderful job on your own, no need for assistance...if you are writing from your heart it will always come out right especially in God's eyes! Beautiful Poem!
Cindi

Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
7 posted 2001-08-22 07:01 PM


I like your piece and look forward to more from you

Homepage :  http://members.home.net/excalibur2501/interloper.htm

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
8 posted 2001-08-24 01:32 AM


What an awesome poem. I cannot imagine editing a single word of this. It is truly beautiful.
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