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jenmarie
Junior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 27

0 posted 1999-11-09 11:02 PM

aka:Jennifer Marie O'Neil -
jenmarie is just easier

So now I leave to find eternal peace
Another world where my heart can be free
It's time for earth to end my tattered lease
For this is nolonger where I shall be
I've suffered many times in sheer disgrace
In isolation from all of my peers
Of hope in this heart there is not a trace
Only stained paths from all the years of tears
Where my soul flys I can not know for certain
Will I be carried by the angels wings
Or will I fall so far behind the curtain
A place where no soul has the right nor sings
If the Lord knows of I so sad and desperate
Then pray he give this soul a piece of respite

[This message has been edited by jenmarie (edited 11-10-1999).]

[This message has been edited by jenmarie (edited 11-10-1999).]

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

1 posted 1999-11-09 11:15 PM

This is very nice, Jennifer!

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Denise

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

2 posted 1999-11-09 11:37 PM

Jennifer, this is a beautiful poem, but not quite a sonnet although with very little revision it can be a very good one. I suggest you look at Nan's explanation of a sonnet and the strict format it follows in the Poetry Workshop of Passions in Poetry.
I love your subject matter and the rhyme works well, get the syllable count down and the meter and you got yourself a sonnet

Watcher666
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 1606

3 posted 1999-11-10 04:37 AM

Liked this much! Well done.

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Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.

jenmarie
Junior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 27

4 posted 1999-11-10 04:11 PM

it just didnt come up the right way the first time - i didnt even bother to check - well i think my format is right now - but i think i have a lot to work on theme wise and with imagry and all that - thanks for reading

RSEvans
Senior Member

since 1999-10-23

Posts 1147
Tulsa, OK, USA

5 posted 1999-11-10 04:15 PM

I love the images and questions posed here although the theme is pretty dire. I certainly hope this is not in consideration of something personally.

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Once I was brilliant, now I no longer shine, but the twinkle in my eye speaks of another time.

jenmarie
Junior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 27

6 posted 1999-11-10 09:49 PM

fortunatley i am not a desperate soul right now - but ofcoure was a time when i felt this way - pain is inevitable but if nothing else it is inspiring and it is never permanent -

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Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

7 posted 1999-11-11 09:53 AM

I like the poem and the shortened name (now you have 2 alias!!! LOL)

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