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Open Poetry #4
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Secret Space
| Open Poetry #4 |
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Secret Space |
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littleJas Junior Member
since 1999-12-22
Posts 39Australia |
"Secret Space" All I have is what I feel Inside my heart , I know Just what it is that I need To help my self to grow Let me be and see the way My life it needs to go Underneath inside I hide from the secrects no one knows I get scared and feel alone Inside my soul is crying Nothing inside me to share My fear is slowly dying No help I need from my self All my pain is my own Along the way to a better me to find my inner home |
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| © Copyright 1999 Jasmine Elkwood - All Rights Reserved | |||
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx |
ok some good things and some bad here. good things - it is a nice poem, flows well, good rhyme scheme. bad things - lacks origionality, gives you an almost hallmark kinda feel (candy-coated, so sweet and kind it makes you ill). other than that it was actually decent. you seemed on the tip a few times of being unique, yet you failed to find that phrase that makes you unique. it takes time to develope. relax. don't freak out. just think about something else and post a new poem. shine a light so bright that all can see and you will find the joys that echo within me |
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