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Open Poetry #4
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Oh, spare me, Love!
| Open Poetry #4 |
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Oh, spare me, Love! |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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Oh, spare me, Love! Don’t burst inside my chest! Allow me to distribute what you gave me! Filled to the brim and stripped of all my rest, I’m blessed to know that you enslaved me. Simplicity, how great you’ve grown to be! Neither, too plain nor too complex in essence. How come you chose to show yourself to me, When millions are craving for your presence? How come the holiest of churches lack your will? And purest wine cannot bring out your flavor? How come the feeling that you make me feel, Was absent, on Last Supper, from the table? As long as uniform still differs from unique, I’ll feed the universe with verses from my beak! < !signature--> I fell in love and kept on falling [This message has been edited by Master (edited 12-18-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I found myself wanting to read this like a sonnet Master even though it doesn't follow the format for one. It's a good poem, but a nip and tuck in a few of the lines to make it iambic pentameter it would be a great sonnet!!! |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thanks Ruth, can you suggest how? |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Beautiful, Master. Check your email for some suggestions! This is soooo close to being a sonnet and like Ruth that is how I am trying to read it!  Denise |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
I can't thank you enough, Denise! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Master, I enjoyed the read. |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you Seymour! |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
Always enjoy your work, Master, and this is no exception. I agree with the experts Excellent piece for making into a sonnet.It's not the love you fear, but the fall from the height~Edwin McCain |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thanks Caroline, I agree also, but to make it into a sonnet I would probably have to change the whole context of the poem. I think I would rather keep it the way it is. |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
I'd offer you some suggestions, Master, but am not exactly the best critic! (Besides, it seems Denise has done so already ) Anyway, I enjoyed the read-I am a fan of your work!Nail to the mast her holy flag, Set every threadbare sail- And give her to the god of storms, The lightning and the gale! -Oliver Wendell Holmes |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you Elizabeth, glad you enjoyed it! |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
WOW Master!! This is simply beautiful, love it!! What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
What comes from the heart goes to heart!--Glad you liked it! |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
Beautiful piece Master.... A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire! Shannon |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you Pepper! |
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