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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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Let the Triples Roll On!!! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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Another form that has it's base lodged in the employment of triples is the often hated and much maligned villanelle. The villanelle consists of five triples followed by a quatrain to end the poem. Writing a villanelle is not difficult but making a villanelle interesting, is, based on the amount of times sentences must be used. One needs two very strong lines to pull it off. The most popular villanelle ever written was "Do Not Go Gently into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas. Aside from that one, you need to search far and wide to come up with one that has captured the public's attention and admiration. The rules are fairly simple. In the five triples, the first line of the poem also becomes the third line of the second triple, and the third line of the fourth triple. The last line of the first triple also becomes the last line of the third triple and the last line of the fifth triple. All middle lines of the triples must rhyme. In the closing quatrain, the rhyme scheme is a-b-a-a, where the second line rhymes with the middle lines of the triples and the first and third lines of the first triple become the third and fourth lines of the quatrain. Sounds easy enough, no? I wrote this poem as an explanation of how villanelles are constructed... The first line always goes right here You must choose well each clever word The third line's here - now, ain't that clear? The first lines now that will appear Rhyme with 1st stanza's first and third The first line always goes right here. All middle lines must rhyme, my dear, Although it may sound quite absurd The third line's here - now, ain't that clear? Five 3-line stanzas shall appear With rhymes in place as was inferred The first line always goes right here. One 4-line verse brings up the rear The proper style is now insured The third line's here - now, ain't that clear? So take it from the Balladeer Of villanelles you now have heard The first line always goes right here The third line's here - now, ain't that clear? Now that you have the rules down, let's see what you can do...  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ready to grade!  |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Temporal illusion Resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast, awake from ether years that tick away, no now, no then, no later and no last. To you who sit and comfortably fast and vainly wait for morrow's fattening day, resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast. To those who suck dry marrow of the past, throw down the dusty bones, arise and say no now, no then, no later and no last. And you who glut on certainty must cast beyond the present garnish, and then may resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast. Spurn paltry centuries and stand not aghast while little minutes seem to go astray, no now, no then, no later and no last. Let me but glimpse a lie so old and vast, then armed in understanding light I pray, resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast. No now, no then, no later and no last. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
The world can see the tears within my eye Your gift my love, a symbol of the fall But they don’t know the reason why I cry. Some men may guess deceit and whisper why My pain could hinge upon my loss but all The world can see the tears within my eye They may see pride, a blindfold to the lie That sent me like a beggar to the wall But they don’t know the reason why I cry Myself to sleep, but maybe if they’d try They'd prove that with a sigh so small The world can see the tears within my eye I fell so quick, so low, from way up high They only see a fool curled in a ball But they don’t know the reason why I cry, That when you died I wished that I could die, That you, and only you, could make me whole The world can see the tears within my eye But they don’t know the reason why I cry. (L5 S2 Rhyme scheme fixed - it was: To empathise, they’d prove that with a sigh) [This message has been edited by Grinch (04-29-2009 03:40 AM).] |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, This is much better than "the dog ate it". I posted one here a little after 2:00 p.m. today, but was using my wifes' computer as my wireless router is on the fritz. Needless to say as my wife is not a member, that post went careening off into cyberspace. "No problem " you say, " just repost " Lol, nope, I ran it through the paper shredder. Btw, I enjoyed your clever poem about the form and will post something as soon as I piece one together. Doc moonbeam, Excellent stuff, going back for a re-read. Doc [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (04-28-2009 05:50 PM).] |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
The dog did eat mine, unfortunately he threw it back up again - that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.  |
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Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
You are so good! ) I don't think I know how to count, what goes here, there, the meter amount. But I am here by hook or crook--you write the magic and I'll just look.Love villanelles.  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
moonbeam, I'm beginning to think you're a natural. You picked a good topic, good repeating lines and the structure was exact...a very nice piece of work. grinch, you had good lines and even managed to insert a little mystery into it which was not revealed until the end. That is an excellent trait for a villanelle and not easy to do. I would give you as high a mark as moonbeam except you blew the rhyme scheme in the middle line of the fourth triple. Still very good work... Thank you both for joining in...  |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
You mean the dog blew it, it was perfect when he ate it! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
....and still people call them man's best friend. Go figure!  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Whatever else that it might be I'm quite concerned for Balladeer When it comes down to poetry He seems to be obsessed with three Some cult has brain-washed him I fear Whatever else that it might be Or maybe colonoscopy Somehow got head confused with rear When it comes down to poetry Performing a lobotomy Just how it came about's unclear Whatever else that it might be With each new possibility All jokes aside from what I hear When it comes down to poetry One must conclude inevitably That Balladeer is without peer Whatever else that it might be When it comes down to poetry |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Rouble, rouble, toil and trouble, To the Gulag camp we go. Carrion burns and hubble bubble. Working in snow-covered rubble Happy to escape death row; Rouble, rouble, toil and trouble. Don’t believe reporter Hubbel, Better here than on skid row. Carrion burns and hubble bubble Drunk on vodka, seeing double Guards make girls run to and fro Rouble, rouble, toil and trouble. Bolsheviks here sport a stubble They’re too cold to be gung ho; Carrion burns and hubble bubble. Glasnost: yet don’t burst their bubble, Speak your mind, but speak it low. Rouble, rouble, toil and trouble; Carrion burns and hubble bubble. [This message has been edited by Marc-Andre (05-01-2009 10:41 AM).] |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Had some issues editing here...all fixed now. [This message has been edited by Marc-Andre (05-01-2009 11:04 AM).] |
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Johan Member
since 2009-05-13
Posts 88Lincolnshire, England U.K. |
Hi Balladeer, I have just posted a Villanelle, hope you enjoy it. Johan |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Orchestrating Spring Pussy Willow purr while Dogwoods bloom Sandhill cranes easily join the show Geese sing loud songs, honking out of tune Strident sunshine smothers winter’s gloom Solo voices soar with golden glow Pussy Willow purr while Dogwoods bloom Frozen rivers compose sonic booms Flowing water hums as channels grow Geese sing loud songs, honking out of tune Slender branches rattle witches broom Needles whisper as the west winds blow Pussy Willow purr while Dogwoods bloom Vibrant flowers clutter forest’s room Graceful shimmy weaving to and fro Pussy Willow purr while Dogwoods bloom Geese sing loud songs, honking out of tune - Alison |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
You know, I have been playing with this assignment since it was put on the board - and I have read everyone's postings. I learned from each of you - admired the vast array of styles within such a structured form of poetry and learned from each one. Thank you for sharing as you all do - and for plugging along with me. A |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Alison, And a fine spring concert it is. Doc |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Doc, Thank you. Now I want to try to learn to write humor - your poem made me laugh even as I saw your respect and affection for our esteemed teacher. You make me smile - and, Gol Darnit (my Mom wouldn't let me say that when I was little - substitution for the real thing, you know  ) - and, Gol Darnit!, I love how you write!A |
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Suncleaver Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481Stafford England |
Through Jaded Eyes Through jaded eyes; in love there's pain, The ruin kept for young of heart, As wisdom makes its scorn so plain. What solace will to us remain, When aged do their doom impart? Through jaded eyes; in love there's pain. Salvation can we hope to gain, By playing each tormented part? As wisdom makes its scorn so plain. Devotion's warmth can we retain, Or will we bleed, and drift apart? Through jaded eyes; in love there's pain. The youthful plight of sorrow's stain, Our bitter end, though sweet our start, As wisdom makes its scorn so plain Will apathy forever reign? Our shallow lust our only art? Through jaded eyes; in love there's pain, As wisdom makes it's scorn so plain. |
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HAZARD Junior Member
since 2009-06-24
Posts 40ENGLAND |
Please have a look at this one before I dare post it! All the best - HAZARD Romance stings bitterly when kisses lie Romance stings bitterly when kisses lie, When the briar scars the tongue and lips still crave, Gentle letters float to ash amidst the fireflies. Broken promises taunt her galvanic cries. Stricken hearts go early to winters grave. Romance stings bitterly when kisses lie. Warm summer rain mingles in teary eyes, Trust misers doubt, penned love to enslave, Gentle letters float to ash amidst the fireflies. Pockets rifled, red-gold killed his alibies, Unforgiven – lust outshone the barley wave. Romance stings bitterly when kisses lie. Dark passions wrench out embittered sighs, Tender moments spill from diaries saved, Gentle letters float to ash amidst the fireflies. Burn all that reminds of betraying ties, Molten, shapeless, scattered in smoke they rave, Romance stings bitterly when kisses lie, Gentle letters float to ash amidst the fireflies. [This message has been edited by HAZARD (06-26-2009 09:48 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Suncleaver, I must offer my apologies. Your entry was posted at a time I was involved with medical challenges and I missed it completely. Needless to say, it is perfect from the rhyme to the flow to the syllable count to the content...an excellent piece of work. HAZARD, thank you for your submission. I will give it time later on in the day when work is finished. I must warn you that I am referred to as an ogre in here. Proceed at your own risk! |
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HAZARD Junior Member
since 2009-06-24
Posts 40ENGLAND |
awww - I'm as ready as Odysseus was for the Cyclops - Seriously though - appreciate your time - please do make suggestions as I want this to work hard. H |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ok, then, HAZARD... In the first place, the rhyme of your two main lines is not a good rhyme. When you have a multi-syllable word you want to rhyme with, the position of the accented syllable is exact. Your multi-syllable word is fireflies. The accent is on the first syllable...FIREflies..therefore the rhyme on the corresponding line must also be on the second to the last syllable, which it is not. Sorry if that sounds complicated. Let me explain it another way,, carry - marry -> here are two two syllable words with the accent on the first syllable...CARry and MARry. Good rhyme. carry - marie -> here is a word with the accent on the first syllable but the second word has the accent on the last syllable ...CARry and maRIE. Bad rhyme. How you manipulate the accent is important. Widow and window is a bad rhyme all because of the accent placement. Moving on, the construction on a villanelle needs to be fairly exact to maintain the flow of the lines. The three lines of your first stanza begin with a (1) trochee, (2) anapest and (3) trochee. Now, if you were to follow that construction throughout the poem, that would be fine but, unfortunately, you don't. The middle line of your second stanza begins with a trochee, middle line of the third stanza is iambic, the fourth is trochaic, along woth the fifth and sixth. So, in your middle lines, you have anapestic, trochaic, iambic, trochaic, trochaic and trochaic. The first lines of each stanza are trochaic, trochaic, iambic, trochaic, trochaic, trochaic. So you can see that you are not that far off! The variance, however, hurts the flow of the poem and creates a choppiness in the lines. Then we have the syllable counts, very important in villanelles. With regards to your two important lines, the ones that get repeated, you have 10 syllables in the first and 12 in the other. Unacceptable, I'm afraid. In the middle lines the syllable counts are as follows -> ..11-10-9-11-10-10. All of these things together hurt the quality of the poem. If you will look at Suncleaver's poem, you will find the exact number of syllables in every line and you will see every line begin iambic and every carry the iambic throughout the line. You will clearly see how easy it is to read and how perfectly the lines flow. THAT is what one tries to achieve. As I said, you are not that far off. With a little tweaking, you could get the syllable counts right and even the iambs, trochees and anapests straightened out. With the unacceptable rhyme of lie and fireflies, though, I don't think it would be worth the effort. I would really like for you to try again and incorporate these thoughts. That you are talented is obvious after reading your posts in the Open forum. Structure can give anybody fits...ask Alison! Thanks for submitting it and giving it a try. I look forward to your next attempt! |
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HAZARD Junior Member
since 2009-06-24
Posts 40ENGLAND |
Well, you certainly know your poetic metre better than me! I will first of all look up some of the terms - then I'll use this one as a cadaver to dissect - once i know how the blood flows - I'll build a new creature - as reanimation is bound to go horribly wrong! Many thanks for your accurate and empirical descriptions - whether I can do summin good is another story! HAZARD |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Sounds good, HAZARD. You sound like one determined to learn and that makes you tops in my book. If you look in the earlier topics in this forum you will see explanations and examples of all the terms I described. I look forward to you work! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
HAZARD, I still struggle, but I have learned a lot in this Workshop. Welcome to the boards - I think you will have fun here. Well, it wasn't always fun for me. I spilled tears, but the rewards make those tears worthwhile. Alison |
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HAZARD Junior Member
since 2009-06-24
Posts 40ENGLAND |
Spent some time today and yesterday looking at meter and syllable. There are some interesting Villanelle's in Sylvia plath's work, for example. I soon came to the conclusion that to write one simple, perfectly formed example would be best - that is, before experimenting with the type... Plath uses - BTW - 'Leans and Thirteens' in her repeating lines for 'Domesday'. But it's deliberate, as far as I can work out after examining the echoes and meter variants. But am new to this. My 'Lies and Fireflies' was not deliberate!! There's no denial! I got waylaid from a simple-yet-perfect form and ended up with Paranoia! (Literal literature here!) Which is rather a complex poem, with internal rhymes/ homophones etc. I'm hoping the 2nd lines have the same distinct meter! First and third the same. Yeats gave me the longer line varient. I liked the endless galloping feel - found in Brownings 'How They Brought the Good News from Ghent to Aix' And Tennysons '600' - and with the title wanted something a little breathless and inescapable. You can hear Tennyson read his'600' on the Poetry Archive (Eddison's wax disk!) Incredible. Hence to my three sets of four syllabic beats. See what you think Mr B. Paranoia The knives are out – I’m on the rack, nowhere to run. Head full of pills, I’m a cut-throat blade. Ill whispers fly, sweat burns my eyes, a haunted son. A distant shout – I’m dead tonight, was born to shun. A force inside, I’m in zero shade. The knives are out – I’m on the rack, nowhere to run. The searing doubt – I’m sick with fright, a loaded gun. Heart stopping dread – I’m the devil’s trade. Ill whispers fly, sweat burns my eyes, a haunted son. A life in draught – I’m desert blown, scorched by sun A brief respite, I’m no better made. The knives are out – I’m on the rack, nowhere to run. The fatal bouts – I’m hung each day, skullduggery done. Hell’s Jobe elect – I’m cursed and betrayed. Ill whispers fly, sweat burns my eyes, a haunted son. Me; foul lies clout – I’m reasons whip, pitied for fun. Me; shriven lout – I’m a holy cade. The knives are out – I’m on the rack, nowhere to run. Ill whispers fly, sweat burns my eyes, a haunted son. [This message has been edited by HAZARD (06-28-2009 11:50 AM).] |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Ok....so I'm not sure if it makes sense, and I may have reached a bit with the rhyming, but here's my go at it: Feeling Your Presence Gone There I sat alone On a crowded floor Feeling your presence gone Your light once brightly shone When you walked through the door There I sat alone Feeling you to the marrow of my bone Needing you to my core Feeling your presence gone Though through you I’ve grown Finally able to be mature There I sat alone Missing your vocal tone Feeling of myself a bit unsure Feeling your presence gone So now I’m lying prone Feeling poor I moan and groan Feeling your presence gone Arana Darkwolf |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
oops! double posted! Didn't see it 'cause it was on page 2..sorry! Arana Darkwolf [This message has been edited by rachaelfuchsberger (06-30-2009 04:06 PM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Hi, HAZARD! Yes, Plath used leans and thirteens in her villanelle and it was perfectly correct since the accent was right, with the accents being in the right place...LEANS and thirTEENS. Also, in her Denouement Villanelle. she uses aWAY and SAY...equally correct. Your villanelle is excellent. I confess I've never seen it done that way, since most villanelles use the 8 or 10 syllables but there is no set rule to that and you do it brilliantly. Your first and third lines are perfect iambic and your middle lines are divided between iambic and anapestic with a closing accented syllable.....very nice. If I were to be nit-picky (which the whole world knows I am NOT ) I would point out that the middle line in the 5th stanza deviates by beginning the second half of the line with an iamb instead of an anapest, which causes the line to be one syllable short, but why quibble? I'm very impressed by this work and by the speed in which you corrected everything that was incorrect in your first attempt. You are a quick study, sir. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Rachel, you made a fine effort. The theme of the poem has a very touching flavor and feeling to it. What you will have to do, though, is pay attention to the syllable counts and the accents used (iambic, trochaic, anapestic, etc). That may be a lot of studying if you are unfamiliar with them but you can find lessons on each one in the topics of this forum. Also, remember that, in a villanelle, the first and third lines of the first stanza must be the third and fourth lines of the last stanza. I appreciate you effort and your willingness to do what it takes to make your work as good as it can be. it's good to have you here |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Feeling Your Presence Gone There I sat alone On a crowded floor Feeling your presence gone Your light once brightly shone When you walked through the door There I sat alone Feeling you to the marrow of my bone Needing you to my core Feeling your presence gone Though through you I’ve grown Finally able to be mature There I sat alone Missing your vocal tone Feeling of myself a bit unsure Feeling your presence gone I moan and groan Feeling poor There I sat alone Feeling your presence gone Thank you, Sir. I've corrected the mistake in the last stanza as far as the last two lines not being the first and third of the first stanza....now I'm off to figure out meter. Rhyme I've got. I'm struggling with meter, though. ~slinks off to find the workshops on meter~ Arana Darkwolf |
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HAZARD Junior Member
since 2009-06-24
Posts 40ENGLAND |
I certainly do not pretend to know it all after a short study period, but I needed to be set straight. Your analysis is more advanced than mine, and that's why I'm here. Where else can I get amazing tuition for the price of good will? I have been writing for some time. I'm in my prime, as I like to think. I'll post this one for aesthetic review... And share. I'll try another too, that purity still eludes me. You cannot call a Pidgeon a Dove! Lol Once again man thanks for your time. H |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
The price of good will? You didn't read about the annual fees??? Oh, well, guess I'll have to give you a free pass, then. Name a child after me and we'll call it even |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
I think you know that the Villanelle is one of my most favorite forms. This, and the sonnet. Although, I haven't wrote many of either. Or, maybe I should say havent't attempted to write many of either. I figure if I ever learn the meter, I will then be able to write the Villanelle and Sonnet with ease. The problem is in learning the meter. Actually, I think my favorite is the Villanelle. Then, the Sonnet. Oh, how I wish I could learn the meter. Now for a topic! [This message has been edited by Oklahoma Rose (07-03-2009 02:53 PM).] |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I know I'm late getting on the villanelle bandwagon, but here is my 'attempt' at writing one. I found this EXTREMELY difficult to write. I had nary a hair on my head after writing it!  God's Light I wake each day to see the sun so bright, Then plant the seeds of joy that they might grow. I sleep in peace as moonbeams light the night. My day is done. ~ I tried to do what's right, Took care, for I shall reap as I did sow. I wake each day to see the sun so bright. For all is well in God's embrace of Light. As is above, may we be blessed below. I sleep in peace as moonbeams light the night. Gold rays of love, they wash away the fright. The pain, the doubt ~ away they all do go. I wake each day to see the sun so bright. The skies are clear with no dark clouds in sight. Both day and night, God's love fills up my soul. I sleep in peace as moonbeams light the night. Bask in the glow of God's eternal Light. Let go, let God, enjoy life's ebb and flow. I wake each day to see the sun so bright. I sleep in peace as moonbeams light the night. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ah, Angel..if you lived closer I would spank you, whether you liked it or not! You have painted a moustache on the Mona Lisa. You have drawn graffiti on The Last Supper. You have come up with a beautiful poem with some fantastic lines and then killed it with laziness. I wake each day to see the sun so bright, How bright is that? So bright it blinded me? Ok. So bright it was beautiful? Ok. But just so bright? I can picture a first-grader saying, "Mommy, this morning I saw the sun so bright!" but I can't picture an adult saying it. Have YOU ever said it to someone? Unlikely. Took care, for I shall reap as I did sow. The pain, the doubt ~ away they all do go. We discussed your "do"'s before but apprently I didn't make it clear enough. Those lines are horrible because you inserted do's to keep the meter and the rhyme instead of taking the time to figure out a way to say the same thing in a proper way. The only reason I'm being hard on you is because I love the poem. It's a poem for people to read and get a wonderful feeling. Instead, with these sins you employed, the beauty of the poem is lost and one walks away disappointed with the construction inadequacies you employed. You are better than that..... |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
My dear Teach, I do believe that you are the only one who can chastize me and make me laugh at the same time! Your sense of humour cracks me up. I wrote this 'ville from hell' a few years ago and I never attempted another one because I darn near went bald pulling my hair out during the process. I was not satisfied with it but I thought a learned task master such as yourself would be of some help ~ which you are. So, it's back to the writing/drawing board for me. This time I will be pulling out the eyelashes on my baby blues as I am bald from my last experience. LL |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Well, I may be a glutton for punishment, but I'm back for more of your critical thinking!  God's Eternal Light Each morn I wake in light of sunshine bright, and plant the seeds of joy that they might grow. I sleep in peace as moonbeams light the night. Each wrong I’ve done, I plan to make it right. ~ For I shall reap the seeds I plant and sow. Each morn I wake in light of sunshine bright. For all is well in God's embrace of Light. As is Above, may we be blessed below. I sleep in peace as moonbeams light the night. Gold rays of love cast out my days of night. God guides my oars as steady forth I row. Each morn I wake in light of sunshine bright. The skies are clear with no dark clouds in sight. Both day and night, God's love fills up my soul. I sleep in peace as moonbeams light the night. Bask in the glow of God's eternal Light. Let go, let God ~ enjoy life's ebb and flow. Each morn I wake in light of sunshine bright. I sleep in peace as moonbeams light the night. LLD [This message has been edited by Earth Angel (07-14-2009 01:27 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You have re-earned your angel hair! This is brilliant. The moustache is gone! Now was that so hard without the do-wop? |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Thank you, Teacher. Hopefully the "do-wop" will be goneforever ~ but bad habits die hard and they have a tendency of creeping back up on we imperfect humans (I'm not really an angel. lol), so please keep your eagle-eye on me!  I appreciate your help. Thanks, again! LL |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
 quote: No way! Say it ain't so! Next you are gonna say that there ain't no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny! For shame! Of course, you are an angel. I am  'cause I do believe. I do! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Alison, gawd, you are so flippin' cute! That was downright hilarious! (pssst. come close. I REALLY AM an angel but my halo is held up by tiny little horns.) LL |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Some guys really dig horny angels. K, I am done writing graffiti in this thread. Next thing you know, I am gonna have to clean something (like our minds). A |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Consider your teach at the top of that list!...and I think the moose is not far behind |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Yeah, but the Moose might have an advantage - they are known to be horny too. Ya'll know that moose have horns and not antlers, right? Cause if you don't - that little joke just fell flat. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Yep, even us non-Alaskans know that, smarty-pants! Your joke is well noted...and clever |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
My word! You just made me realize that Moose and Deer have horns! Huge horns! (Angel quivers)~ And Moose must be the horniest beast of all!!! Oh, but they are in the ersine family of animals and are vegetarians ~ they don't eat meat! Whew! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Some of you do. Lots of you don't - those are the ones who come up here and ask what time we turn on the Northern Lights. June - it's best to see them in the daylight. Okay, off to work. A |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Balladeer, I hope your are recuperating and regaining your strength. Please rest and heal before returning to the workshop. I am submitting another 'French vanilla' for your critque but not before you are ready to get back in the teaching saddle again. Be well, deer friend and teacher!  Go Forth in Truth (Villanelle) Go forth in truth and bear not false facade ~ Lest ye incur the wrath of those you scorn. Stand in the loving Light of Father God. There be no shadows dark on hallowed sod. Be meek ~ act not as to the manor born. Go forth in truth and bear not false facade. Be mindful of the soil on which ye trod ~ That it be strewn with rose ~ not prickly thorn. Stand in the loving Light of Father God. He’ll guide you on your path with Lighted rod. Fear not travails ~ ye need not be forlorn. Go forth in truth and bear not false facade. Though hills be steep ~ hang onto Balustrade ~ For He won’t let you fall nor fleece be shorn. Stand in the loving Light of Father God. Give thanks for His avail thru’ prayer and laud. With grateful heart, rise ev’ry blessed morn. Go forth in truth and bear not false facade. Stand in the loving Light of Father God. LLD [This message has been edited by Earth Angel (09-08-2009 10:47 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Yanno, Linda, there was a time you were my favorite student. I would wait anxiously for your assignments to come in and then chuckle with glee as I ripped them apart. Meter? Horrible! (chuckle, chuckle) Syllable counts? All over the map!! (What fun!) Oh, the joy you brought to this old heart, dissecting your poems like formaldehyde frogs. But now....NOW!...every poem is exact! The syllable counts are perfect, the meter is a work of art, and there are no unnecessary words thrown in to cheat or fudge. Where did I go wrong????? Now, instead of berating you, all I can do is sit back and applaud....and I do! You have blossomed into a wonderful poet, m'lady. Your possibilities are endless...  |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
yay for lindy lou!  you are awesome |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Oh, my gosh, Balladeer! You really had me going there for the first part of your response! You certainly do have a 'rye' sense of humour! lol I'm pleased that you are well enough to wade through a villanelle with a critical eye when you are still recuperating from your surgery. Thank you! As for the last half of your response, it put such a broad smile on my face that it had my cherubic cheeks hurting! I truly appreciate your kind words. ~ I repeat, in the last half! lol Now I know that there is hope for me as a poet. I'll keep working at the craft and developing my skills. You are a very fine teacher and you have been pulling things out of me that I didn't know I had! Thank you for the guidance, encouragement and for believing in me. I hope I don't disappoint you after all this praise! Goodness me! this reads like an acceptance speech! Well, it's because I'm so pleased that I 'done good'! As you know, I find french vanillas a 'B' to write!Giving you a warm, healing hug and a big kiss on the cheek (next to your nose!!!). Linda Shellie ~ You're a real sweetie pie! Thank you!  |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Oh, Deer! I've been getting out of sync with your lessons! First I wrote a Trilonnet but then you changed that lesson to a Villonet. So then I started writing one of those. I didn't like that form very much so I was pleased that you decided to scrap the Villonet lesson. So then I thought I'd write another Villanelle in its place! ~ But, alas, I now see that you are asking us to write a Hexonneta ~ which I will most likely try as well. LOL Oh, well. I'm having fun! ~ as long as you don't mind me bumping down your new lesson posts! Anyhoo, here is my latest attempt at a Villanelle. Farewell, Dear Knight Farewell, dear knight, I best be on my way. ~ For greater heights than thee, I now aspire. I take mine leave for fear what I might say. Thy wanton ways deceived and did betray. Along with trust, away flew passion’s fire. Farewell, dear knight, I best be on my way. The time has passed for consummate display. Thy heart be worn on sleeve of rogue attire. I take mine leave for fear what I might say. I kept mine vows to honour and obey. No longer will ye be mine kingly sire. Farewell, dear knight, I best be on my way I wish thee well ~ and for thy peace, I pray ~ For thou hast lost true love for loin desire. I take mine leave for fear what I might say. With heavy heart, I leave without delay ~ To start anew in nearby Devon shire. Farewell, dear knight, I best be on my way. I take mine leave for fear what I might say. LLD |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You know how to ruin a perfectly good knight!! (I like it!) |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Goodnight to a good knight! |
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