A Return ( August's Assignment )

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Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

0 posted 2006-08-07 06:31 PM

On this day we return, no more disbanded,
havuing dreampt of a time returned as comrades.
Once well met in the past, good lads, and, ladies,
welcomed true, hails a voice in practiced measure.

Gather 'round there are tales to share in meter,
let's give thanks that from dust we have arisen
to resume studies here, once more enlightened
under tutelidge of a master wordsmith.

I, for one,here proclaim it as an honor
to attend, and, be part of this "reformed" school,
though "archaic" this sounds to my displeasure.
Thank you Brian, our host, for this assignment.

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

1 posted 2006-08-13 04:22 PM

I should have known your mind is weird enough for this type of meter. LOL I cannot get the hang of this Doc! Got a pill for that, or should I continue playing with the crayons? Heck, I made an awesome mural on your once spotless wall.

However, I do like your poem and what it says, although I have no idea about the meter, but I see you were able to duck the adverbs.
I think I'm gonna hide with Justin Bed and sleep on it!

Good to see you Doc!

Brian James
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 147
Winnipeg

2 posted 2006-08-13 05:30 PM

Hi there, Dr. Moose,

Sorry I was a little slow on the uptake here.  I've had a busy few days.

Officially you've gotten the meter well in the way that I described it, by measuring your stressed and unstressed syllables.  If I could give any suggestions it would be to give your meter the impression of being a "falling" meter from the very start, which might mean using spondees to begin your lines and then a sudden dip (when the dactyl comes around) so that you have a tripping-and-falling meter.  Otherwise it will appear to be a constantly rising meter, with an anapest, and an unstressed syllable towards the end.  You might also cut back on the punctuation a tad.

To see what I mean I recommend you read Lovebug's answer to the challenge which was written more in the way that I describe.

Thanks for answering the challenge, and you're welcome for the challenge anyways.  I'm glad a few people have taken me up on this attempted "return."

"To me, the thing that art does for life is to clean it, to strip it to form."
~Robert Frost

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

3 posted 2006-08-16 04:31 PM

Munda,
I'm afraid my rapier wit is more like a corkscrew, but, thanks anyway. After reading Brians' reply it appears I barely squeaked through on a technicality, sooo,
back to the trenches for another go 'round.
Doc

Brian,
Thanks, I do appreciate the input. As I alluded to in the aforementioned poem, the
whole thing sounded forced and too "old school" to me. I took your advice, re-read Lovebugs' post a few more times as well as Frosts', and decided to give it another shot, but, be forewarned, I threw in end rhymes as I'm more comfortable writing that way. Hopefully this won't disqualify me from attending school.

Doc

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