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A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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lost |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Negative imagery,( Brians' project) As the winds' in lament of the passing of days sighing low through the trees, stark and bare 'gainst the sky. Thoughts reflect the grim truth, nothing forever stays. Things un-tempered to cold often whither and die. Where a radiant sun at such times may burn bright, shedding light,but no warmth, as if frozen in time, what is left, but these images gathered in store sadly missed, summer days watching temperatures climb. In the barren expanse of this study in white how I long for some color to spring forth again. Entertaining the notion ,that, perhaps to write, would allow some to leak from the tip of the pen. |
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| © Copyright 2006 William E.Kleist - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brian James Member
since 2005-06-26
Posts 147Winnipeg |
Dr. Moose: There's some fantastic imagery in this poem. It certainly is negative in its own way, and I do see how you're trying to say that what you're experiencing is contrary to the state of summer. What I wish you would have done is extend your description of what winter is not---I thought perhaps it was coming when you mentioned the sun burning bright, but only glowing and not warming (which is still winter, although it gives a very subtle hint at the summer scene). Perhaps an additional stanza in which you imagine a summer scene and give it concrete description would complement your winter image nicely? Be very specific about the "colours" you long for, for example, and you might manage to get a stronger descriptive parallel. Thanks for giving this a go. Somehow, I knew I could count on you to show up.  Brian "To me, the thing that art does for life is to clean it, to strip it to form." |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I loved it! I will just read and try to learn something from you all though, as I have NO idea what you all are talking about but sure appreciate your wonderful works. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Brian, First, let me say that I am most pleased that you have decided to share some of your knowledge with us here in the workshop. You are correct in your assumption that I would not be absent long. Your assessment of my first attempt at negative imagery was actually very kind, and your suggestion as to how to repair it would work ( with some effort), however, I feel the end result would lack continuity, and, if you will, seem like a " repair " job. So, I am off in search ( or research ) of an entirely new poem that will perhaps fit the bill. Many thanks. Doc Mysteria, Thank you so much, " one mans' trash... ". As an aside, when I first came here, I thought I might know something of how to put words together, and defended what I had written with that in mind. Now, almost six years later, I am still of that belief, yet will no longer defend anything that I have written, I merely hope to assimilate that advice which will help to improve this craft. Doc |
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