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Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 2005-12-12 10:02 PM

In that forgotten part of town
Where wasted hopes and dreams abound,
A wrinkled man with life near end,
In hopes to have at least one friend,
Fashioned bits of wood and things
And made a dummy run by strings.

He sat alone for hours on end,
Conversing with his only friend
And found delight within the fact
That he controlled its every act.
He told it how he never had
A chance, since all his luck was bad
Although he'd tried so to succeed -
The dummy nodded and agreed.

And how his journeys in romance
Had never given him a chance,
And wasn't it a crying shame
That he was always held to blame
When everyone knew, oh so well,
That life is but a living Hell,
Controlled by lust and power and greed?
The dummy nodded and agreed.

With patience that would rival saints,
That dummy sat through all complaints
And, with each little expert tug,
He'd droop his head or bow or shrug
And give some comfort to the man
Who held his lifelines in his hand
And helped to fill a lonely need
When he just nodded and agreed.

Senility increased with time
As did the old man's phantomime,
And feverish fingers pulled with glee
The dummy's dance of misery.
They never left each other's side
Until the day both stopped and died.
We found them lying, hand in hand,
The dummy - and his wooden friend.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (02-24-2007 10:06 PM).]

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

1 posted 2005-12-12 10:07 PM

Hmmm..that didn't work. You can get the audio but the poem doesn't stay on the page...only way to listen and read at the same time is to click on link and then minimize the page that appears. then you will have the audio and the poem on the screen.

Any suggestions?

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

2 posted 2005-12-12 10:57 PM

'Deer, minimizing the page with audio and reading the poem at the same time worked well for me.

It was good to hear your voice!!!

Um...that was you????!!

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 2005-12-12 11:17 PM

hehe...yep, an authentic deer voice

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

4 posted 2005-12-13 12:03 PM

Deer...I enjoyed hearing your voice with the poem. Thanks!

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

5 posted 2005-12-13 12:19 PM

Thank you, Martie

For anyone who is interested in doing this, the site is dump.com where you can upload any recorded works of yours on your hard drive to that internet location for linking.....unlimited space..and free.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

6 posted 2005-12-13 06:52 AM

Well, it worked for me! In that both windows are open, yes, but I just came back to the poem, and there you are...reciting away.

Yep.

You can do more of these...

soon, right?

Right?

Please?

Geez, do we have to beg???

.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

7 posted 2005-12-13 08:25 AM

that was very cool!

both the poem and the sexy voice!

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

8 posted 2005-12-13 09:51 AM

I am soooooooooooo jealous!

*pout*

I'd kick my computer if I thought that wouldn't be the final fatal blow.

I need a computer geek to fix my audio.

(Y'had to tease me, huh?)

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

9 posted 2005-12-13 11:36 AM

Daaaayum! That was sweet, 'Deer, and well worth the long download on dialup. *chuckle*

Brian James
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 147
Winnipeg

10 posted 2005-12-13 03:27 PM

Hi 'Deer,

Excellent work here.  I especially like the small introductory stanza, and how it slowly zooms into your subject, giving just enough context.  Establishing the theme of loneliness at such an early stage lets us follow his experience more closely.

The proportion of the poem is also expertly done:  the dummy having (for the most part) only one line at a time, always the same line, highlights the silliness of the old man talking to a wooden doll.  I especially like the subtle hints that he and the dummy are the same person:  "he sat alone for hours on end," "who held his lifelines in his hand," and such.  That you make this so explicit in the final line is satisfying---I've always loved a poem that's willing to give itself away in the end!

I also have to mention that I love the final introduction of "we" towards the end.  Such an invitation!

Oh, and since I'm supposed to be grading, I have to point out that "it's" in line 10 should be "its."  Believe me, everyone makes that mistake once in a while.

This is actually one of my favourite poems of yours, so far, so I'm adding it to my library.  Very nice work!  Thanks for giving this forum something to do.

Brian

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

11 posted 2005-12-13 11:42 PM

My thanks goes to you, Brian. I always appreciate such a well-thought out critique and you touched on several subtleties that many do not see....I appreciate that.

it's....i hate when I do that!

Thank you, sir..

inot2B
Member Elite

since 2000-09-18

Posts 2205
Arkansas

12 posted 2005-12-14 12:02 PM

May I say, how much I enjoyed hearing you read. For some reason I'm one who likes to put a voice to a picture. My only request is if you do another one, you slow down your reading just a tad.

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

13 posted 2005-12-14 12:46 PM

Wow! This was great. However, a little, tiny bit slower, would make it perfect.

Any chance you'll put Treblinka on audio any time soon? One of my all time favourites!

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

14 posted 2005-12-14 05:15 PM

inot2b...duly noted and I'll slow it down. Glad you enjoyed

Munda....Treblinka? That would really be an endeavor, especially for anyone willing to listen that long!

Thanks for listening, my friend

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

15 posted 2005-12-14 07:04 PM

nice, Mike. You're poems are even better when you read them (no, seriously, I didn't snicker even once!)

one comment - pantomime don't got no "h" in it.

Brian James
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 147
Winnipeg

16 posted 2005-12-14 07:35 PM

Christopher,

Could be poetic license? phantom-pantomime?

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

17 posted 2005-12-14 09:25 PM

So that's the 'deer! Cool. Seems it's (use it like that) easy to have an image of a voice in one's head. And fun to finally know. Being a big fan of your writing I particularly enjoyed the experience of following your reading of your own work. Very pleasant experience. And you found an awesome resource. Thanks.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

18 posted 2005-12-14 10:06 PM

Thanks, Christopher. Actually, Ron was the only person ever to catch the double-meaning I employed by using the "h"....can't get anything by the man! Glad you enjoyed...

Brian...my "poetic licence" expired last year - and I forgot to renew it!

Larry....you're right, yanno. I think we all have mental images of the voice behind the words. Sometimes the actual is very surprising! Hope I didn't scare ya!

latearrival
Member Ascendant

since 2003-03-21

Posts 5499
Florida

19 posted 2005-12-15 05:33 PM

Hey Mike, I finally got to read and hear it with a little help from a friend. Thank you. I loved it and hearing you read it only made it better.I love the last line! martyjo

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

20 posted 2005-12-15 07:29 PM

i considered the double meaning, Mike, it just didn't seem to fit with the "straight-forward" text of the remaining piece. not suggesting by any means that you're incapable of that subtlety, but as a rule you don't incorporate it into your writing. being as how it was intentional, i'd say that it seems out of place - more like a spelling error than a clever intention at double meaning.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

21 posted 2005-12-16 12:33 PM

darn...sounded good to me!

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

22 posted 2005-12-22 05:54 PM

Balladeer,
Simply outstanding! #1, you've breathed life into this forum. #2, As someone else pointed out, you've shared a valuable resource for all poets who would like to hear poems as the author reads them. #3, you've definately added another dimension
to this site in doing so, that I'm sure many poets will embrace. Cudos my friend, and, aside from all this, once again you've treated us to some first rate poetry in the process. Were I female, I'd ask if there were any more like you at home, but , that ain't the case, besides which it's irrelevant anyway. Merry Christmas " Bardo ".
With respect,
Doc

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

23 posted 2007-10-20 07:34 AM

Balladeer, this is first rate poetry.

[This message has been edited by chopsticks (10-21-2007 12:34 AM).]

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

24 posted 2007-11-18 11:05 AM

I can't believe I missed this one. You know I enjoy everything you write. This included. You are still my favorite!

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

25 posted 2007-11-18 06:35 PM

Thank you, Smart Chick, my long-time friend.

You, too, chopsticks. Be well...

latearrival
Member Ascendant

since 2003-03-21

Posts 5499
Florida

26 posted 2008-04-29 07:14 AM

I would like more people to read this excellent poem so up to the top. "Late"

Klassy Lassy
Member Elite

since 2005-06-28

Posts 2187
Oregon

27 posted 2010-03-09 06:14 PM

Since this one is being published, I didn't want to miss it, and the other readers here should see it, too. I had to pull it up, Michael. Your poems are always a delight to read and this one speaks to heart and soul. I wish I had heard you read this one. I don't see a link to audio in the archives, however.

Lassy

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

28 posted 2010-03-09 06:49 PM

Thank you, lassy. Actually, I had audio set up on several of my poems but, somewhere along the line and without my knowledge, the site that provided the audio storage was taken over by a porn site so those who clicked on my poems to hear the audio got porn instead!

Needless to say, I had to remove the links!

Klassy Lassy
Member Elite

since 2005-06-28

Posts 2187
Oregon

29 posted 2010-03-09 10:37 PM

I'm smiling from the heartout thinking how much you deserve this recognition. But I love that velvet voice, (have heard a couple with the audio) so am really sorry the links are kaput!

Karen

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